Paradise PD

I just got the town rebuilt, and it's destroyed again!

And the only police work you did was sing "Pump Up The Jam"?!

You know what?

You're fired! And so are the rest of your idiot cops.

Oh, shit!

Randall! The baby is coming! Now!

Oh, I was wondering how long it would take to make this about you, Karen.

- No! - Ah, no!

Dobby, what the hell is the matter with you, boy?

We didn't raise you to swallow dogs, grown men, and perverts.

He learned that from watching you, Robby.

Well, that's different. When I do it, I get a nickel.

Dobby, get your little ass to the house.

Phew. Well, I'm glad everything got resolved.

Randall! The baby!

All right, we gotta book you an Uber to the hospital, don't we?

Ah, surge pricing. Shit.

Well, since someone just fired me, we better make that an UberPool.

Did one of you fellers order a UberPool?

This is coming up in therapy.

And as your therapist, I reckon I recommend you attend your child's birth.

You're the doctor, Dr. Earl.

Yoop!

Ugh... H-How are you feeling, Doc?

A little off. I pooped after my shower again.

About the baby!

Oh! Don't worry, Randall.

Like I always say, "Stillborn is still born."

Push, Karen. Push.

- -

Oh!

Oh, look at him.

He's got my face.

Ooh! I just can't get enough of that new baby smell.

Randall. I shit on the table, you fucking idiot!

Fuck you! I'm keeping him!

Where's my little baby brother? I can't wait to meet him.

Allow me to introduce the newest member of our family,

Kevin Crawford.

Hey. That's my name.

Was your name.

We only called you that 'cause we thought you were gonna be a boy.

He's a doody head.

That's right!

He got you, cocksucker!

Okay. He's already asserted dominance over me.

Anyway, I-I brought you something...

...Kevin.

Yeah, that phone is bullshit, AFKAK.

AFKAK?

AFKAK. A-F-K-A-K.

"Asshole formerly known as Kevin." Try to keep up, huh, AFKAK?

Randall bought me an iPhone 11.

I already hooked up with a smoking piece of ass on Bumble.

Who's gonna get stank on his hang low?

Yes, baby's gonna get stank on his hang low.

You're a little fuckboy. Yes, you are.

It's time for a snack, little Kevin.

Hey! You never breastfed me.

I tried, but you made too much eye contact and kept getting erections.

I never did that.

Ugh. You're doing it now.

You're not missing much. I can't drink this stuff straight.

This is gross as fuck, but it's still pretty cool that he made it.

Hey, AFKAK. Even you have to admit he's way better than you are.

So what, I'm the second favorite son now?

No. Third.

I'ma whip your little ass

for going all goddamn Godzilla on our town.

We just got that Quiznos. Go break me off a switch.

What the fuck kinda switch is that? I can't lift that shit!

You know I'm on fake disability. Now, you go to your room.

What the fuck?!

Your son crushed our house!

Oh, he's my son when he does something bad,

but when people compliment his abnormally large penis, he's your son.

Oh, great. Where we gonna find a new shithole to live in, huh?

Hey, Delbert, are you, uh, thinking what I'm thinking?

We should go to trade school, get real jobs,

save up for a down payment on a nice home in the suburbs,

maybe a Craftsman Bungalow or a Tudor Revival?

I was gonna say climb up our son's asshole and live inside him.

Yeah. Your idea is better.

Hey, Karen. Guess you thought we'd be upset because you fired us,

but we're not, because the PD now stands for Party Dudes,

and this station is now called The Brozone Lair.

We're all gonna be playing board games and... and eating Sun Chips and, uh...

God, Karen! Please, give me my job back!

Morning!

What you doing, AFKAK?

I've called every fight club and fat camp in the state. None of them have seen Gina.

Does it look like I give a goddamn?

Jesus, Dusty! You used to be so nice. When did you become an asshole?

It's called character development. You should try it sometime.

I'm just gonna try to forget that Gina is missing

and that my bullshit baby brother stole my name.

Morning, Brozone-ites.

First off, a moment of silence in remembrance of Bullet and Fitz.

What about Hopson?

Oh, I didn't forget Hopson.

I'd also like to call for a moment of silence for the police force.

It's weird. The town seems better off without us.

Yeah, well, we did a shitty job.

The PD is over. But at least we don't have to smell Hobo-Cop anymore.

Hey! I'm a f... a fan favorite.

Wait, Karen let you remain a cop?

Yep. She said she couldn't fire Hobo-Cop.

I guess she likes the name.

She says it's the most clever joke this show's ever made.

Well, fuck the police. We're banning cops from the Brozone!

Well... well, your loss!

Good luck having a scene without a z-zinger from me!

Hey, AFKAK. Go sell all this police stuff on eBay.

Next time somebody tries that peekaboo bullshit on me,

I'll be fucking ready.

You can't have a gun!

Don't worry. Daddy taught him how to use it.

Yep. Just like Daddy taught him. He's a crack shot.

We're gonna win that father-son deer-hunting competition.

You're taking him?

But that's the one thing we do together every year.

Of course I'm taking him. You're against hunting.

And I'm against spending time with you.

Randall says, when we win this competition,

I'll be his favorite son, and you'll be dead to him.

Bet those stakes really chap your vagina, AFKAK.

Uh, if I had a vagina, it would be chapped,

because I'd lick it all the time.

Na-na, na-na-na!

Well, I guess it's up to AFKAK

to make sure that baby Kevin doesn't win that competition.

Using the ancient Beastie Boys art of sabotagey!

That was hilarious!

You fucking assholes.

Hello, sir.

I would like to exchange these 25 defective kitty cats I got here last week.

Turns out they ain't got nine lives. They only got one.

You killed 25 cats in a week?

Thirty, counting the ones I ran over on my way here.

It says here, last year, all your cats starved to death.

Well, there's a perfectly rational explanation for that, sir.

I hired a drug addict dog to cat-sit

while I was on death row for murdering Santy Claus.

You are cut off, mister. There is no way we are ever giving you another cat.

Just 'cause I'm a little clumsy?

Plus, look at all them poor kitties that wanna come home with me.

That's the same way Garfield went.

Ironically, he did it on a Tuesday.

Get it? 'Cause he hates Mondays?

Garfield humor.

Oh! A fucking gut buster! Great job!

Robby, man, this just ain't right.

You gotta wipe your damn feet before you go inside.

See, man? I told you this would be better than our old place.

Well, there is less shit on the walls.

Oh. Shit. Wow.

Dob-maste, my brothers.

Welcome to Dob-topia.

That's right. Dob-salamu alaikum, my brother.

I've never been happier since I connected with the natural world of Dob-topia.

It's the perfect place to raise our son.

I finally feel fulfilled, since I became a sperm rancher.

-Hyah! -

This is how we were meant to live,

in a true paradise untouched by human hands.

It truly feels like home.

At least it will.

Back that shit up right here, Delbert.

What the hell?

Did you bring every white trash thing you could think of?

Yes, we did.

Ladies and gentlemen, Kid Rock!

Hey, y'all! Who's ready to hear some shitty music?

My sweet little man.

Mommy's gonna miss you so much when she's at work. Yes, she is.

Phew. Good thing you aren't having that terrible postpartum depression

like you did with AFKAK.

-Nope. Happy as a clam. Bye. -

I fucking hate you! Fuck my family!

Oh! This will pass, Karen.

When I was a baby, my mother had postpartum depression.

On the bright side, I learned to swim.

Out of a car that had been pushed into a lake.

Well, thanks for trying to cheer me up, Anton,

but my life sucks, and my legacy has been ruined.

I spent a year rebuilding Paradise, and now it's destroyed again.

You know what? Fuck it!