Clipped

Mr. Sterling always says,

"Some teams sell success. The Clippers sell hope."

What he means is we usually lose.

He says a lot of things he shouldn't.

Who makes the game? Do I make the game? Or do they make the game?

I give them food and clothes and cars and...

VIPs are like that.

- Hello? Mr. Sterling, it's out.

They think they're surrounded by nobodies.

What do you mean it's out? What's out?

Uh, the recording of you and V.

But most of the big stars started out as nobodies.

Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team.

Coach.

Einstein was expelled.

It's the tape. It's out.

And they got big in the olden days.

Now anyone can blow up in an instant.

So the dangerous thing about disrespecting a nobody,

especially one with big, big potential like me...

...the owner of the Los Angeles Clippers

is facing controversy tonight

over racist comments he made in audio leaked to TMZ.

I'm listening.

Clippers offices?

Sure you don't wanna circle around to departures, fuck off back to Boston?

Come find me at Staples so I can enjoy the abject shock on your face

when the Clippers bring home a title this season.

- O-Okay. We'll see. - Yeah.

Hey, I'm just messing with you, man. You're a legend.

It's an honor to squire the great Doc Rivers into LA in my Prius.

Thanks, man.

Hey, can I ask you a very, very personal question?

- Off the record. - Yeah.

Why did a championship coach like you

take a job with the dogshittiest team in sports?

I like a challenge.

Remember last winter's spooky story

of the body found in a hotel water tower?

Well, the LA County coroner finally revealed the cause of death today:

accidental drowning.

And another fabulous day at the beaches, a high of 82...

Our fearless leader! Andy.

Sorry they forgot to get a car to LAX for you, Doc.

Interns.

Um, so the press conference isn't until this afternoon,

so what can we get you to eat for lunch?

Sushi, Indian, Indian-sushi fusion?

- Get me a bento box. - Right.

Um, Mr. Roeser...

Ah! Apparently we ordered a deli platter.

Deli platter okay?

You know Gary Sacks, right?

The Sack Attack.

EVP of player personnel and a 19-year vet.

- Glad to have you back, Coach. - Yeah, thanks.

Uh, okay, uh, Digital. HR.

Uh... Oh, and if it, uh, breaks, beeps or freezes, your eggheads in IT.

And here's King Egghead right here. Sandy, how long you been with us?

Twenty-five years, Mr. Roeser.

Twenty-five years.

Uh... Oh! Your wordsmiths in Communications, Seth Burton, VP.

Coach, I'm Seth. I, uh, I enjoy Scandinavian crime fiction.

- I've been... - Seth, let me interrupt you.

So, 43 years as a franchise,

and the Clippers have never won a championship.

Ever.

How many times have you made it to the second round of the playoffs?

Just the second round?

Two... U-Uh, twice.

That's crazy.

No offense, but you guys are the worst organization in sports.

You're not here to retire with a gold watch.

You're here to win.

Why the fuck are you talking to me about longevity when you haven't won anything?

Makes me very uncomfortable.

We are going to win a championship this year, and it will change your life.

Where's my favorite coach?

- Doc! - Donald.

Bet you're glad you're out of Boston.

I love Boston.

Did Doc tell you when he used to play for me?

Well, you were here, Sandy, minus about 20 pounds of ya.

Listen, Donald, I'd like to get into some personnel issues.

Good. Andy, you wanna...

Oh, yeah, oh. Come on. Back to work.

Eh, still not one for small talk.

I wanna make a play for JJ Redick.

He's got two offers already,

so we'll have to spend $30 million for four years.

Uh, who is this JJ? I mean, where's he from?

Free agent out of Milwaukee. He's the shooter we need.

My sources say JJ's signing with Minnesota,

and Chris Paul already broke the piggy bank.

Uh, he's very hard to please.

Did your sources also tell you Chris is our team captain?

Look, we can afford Redick.

What we can't afford is to get bounced out of the playoffs again in the first round.

Okay, Doc. Okay.

My coach knows best.

Look at you.

Is that Havarti?

Mmm. Help yourself too, sweetie.

Are you trading DeAndre Jordan?

Excuse me?

This is V, my assistant.

I heard the last coach wanted to. He's expensive and he can't shoot.

Well, the last coach got fired.

DeAndre's gonna be the best defender in the league,

and personnel decisions are none of your damn business, V.

Mmm. Yep, um, Doc, let's, uh... let's get you fitted with a Clippers polo.

First day, so don't feel bad,

but, uh, Mr. Sterling gets upset when people don't call him Mr. Sterling.

Well, I'll call him Mr. Sterling when he calls me Mr. Rivers.

Where are you going? Bringing JJ to LA.

Is Sterling gonna freak if I order an entrée?

Come on.

When you played for the Clippers, did you have to buy your own socks?

- No. - I read one time

Sterling tried to fire the trainer and get the coach to tape up the players.

I read he likes losing.

His philosophy being people come to the games either way

and he doesn't have to spend on salary.

You look at the Internet a lot.

Well, I'm not cheap, and I'm not going to tape up your ankles.

We'll match any offer, including the socks.

JJ, you're the perimeter shooter I need.

You'll be a full-time starter, and we are winning a title.

I'm down the road with Minnesota.

Yeah, but are you the missing ingredient to a championship team in Minnesota?

Coach! Coach!

Thanks, ladies and gentlemen. Bill, what do you got for me?

Doc, any truth to the rumor

that you're on the verge of closing a deal with JJ Redick?

The white zone is for loading and unloading...

- Andy. Happy Fourth.

Plans with the family?

Yeah, just got back to Orlando.

Kids are in town.

My wife invited...

Wait, why are you calling me?

Hello?

Hello, Andy?

It's Doc too, Donald.

Mr. Sterling, I told Doc you changed your mind on JJ, and he's...

- He doesn't... - What's going on, Donald?

I've been talking to people, and they don't like JJ.

What people? Your dry cleaner?

That's funny. He'll find another home.

Mr. Sterling, the other teams in play for JJ filled their slots.

Is that Gary?

Gary, if you say one more fucking word, you're fired.

What have these people been telling you about JJ, Donald?

He's white.

I didn't know he was white.

What the fuck?

What does him being white have anything to do with it?

What is that? Are you just making a sound?

The offer to JJ isn't papered yet, so legally we should be covered.

We can't take back a verbal offer.

It's bad for the team's reputation.

Gary, get off the call! You're fired.

We renege on JJ now, Donald, we'll never get another free agent again.

Doc, Doc, Doc. Don't worry about that. I have a good reputation.

No, I have a reputation.

What's your reputation? I'm the one. Everyone loves me.

- No, they don't. Excuse me?

Who are you talking to, you fucking brat? I'm your owner.

You're not my owner, because I quit.

Quiet! You're on a choke chain, you...

Okay. Good talk. JJ's approved.

What the fuck, Andy?

Hey, look, I know people think Mr. Sterling's some kind of joke.

He wears socks and sandals, I get it.

But he built an empire. Maybe he deserves some respect.

Anyways, don't make plans for Labor Day. We'll see you at his white party.

His what?

When it's hot like this, I put my undies in the icebox

and drink a cold Clipper-tini, courtesy of Donald T. Sterling.

It's a beautiful home.

We'd love to get you into a condo

until your family can join you from Florida.

Donald and I own 150 properties around town.

Hotels, a Malibu yacht club, half the apartments in Beverly Hills.

We know everybody in real estate.

Or if you need a decorating eye or a housekeeper,

I find them for a lot of the wives.

Very kind of you, Shelly. Very kind.

Yeah. Think about it.

All right.

Hi!

Come on, Doc.

Our little way to kick off the season.

Where's Donald?

I'll go find him.

- Don't be shy. - Yeah.

Natural light, am I right?

Uh, these... These both looked white at home.

Let's give a big hand to the fabulous Clippers

and America!