Sounds of Winter (冬のなんかさ、春のなんかね)

NIKO KOBAYASHI - MEMORIAL SERVICE

It's sad to reunite under these circumstances.

I'm sure he feels the same way too.

Well, I'll be going now.

- Okay. - Goodbye.

Mr. Yamada.

Thank you for coming today.

Thank you.

Were you aware of it?

Not at all. What about you?

I didn't know either.

- I had no idea. - Thank you.

But the other day, I invited him out for drinks and he declined.

So I thought that was unlike him.

Excuse me, are you Ms. Sakura?

Yes.

I'm a big fan of yours.

I didn't know you were also acquainted with Niko.

Yes.

I knew about his illness.

Do you have plans after this?

I'm meeting someone.

- Okay. - Yeah.

- See you. - Bye.

I wonder what it means to be born.

You don't mean death?

No, to be born.

What do you mean?

Well, putting the details of sex aside,

did you know from a young age how babies are born?

What?

When I was in elementary school, up until about the third grade,

I thought that the first child

would naturally come into the world

if a father and mother

were married and loved each other.

And from the second child onwards, I wasn't sure of the specifics,

but I honestly believed that something naughty

or indecent happened before they were born.

- How cute. - Yeah.

So, I have an older sister,

but for a long time

I thought that she was born out of pure love,

simply because our parents loved each other.

And that I was

born out of some kind of dirty,

and filthy act.

Did you think anything like that?

In my case, when I was in elementary school,

I thought that babies were born by laying down on the same bed.

- That's so funny. - Yeah.

You lost your dad, right?

Yeah.

I see.

Do you have siblings?

I have one younger brother.

So I was born out of pure love,

and he was born out of something indecent.

Something indecent.

That sounds harsh.

Something indecent.

A catchy Japanese phrase.

I think I'll read Niko Kobayashi's latest novel.

I read it, but it wasn't that interesting.

You read it, huh?

Do you want to drink something?

Thanks. I'll have tea.

Warm tea?

Whatever is easiest. Cold barley tea is fine too.

I don't mind boiling water.

No, I prefer something cold. I'll have barley tea.

You're so weird.

- You know… - Yeah?

This goes for novels, movies,

and TV dramas too,

but those creative works

steal moments of other people's lives.

Maybe it's more like receiving their time than stealing.

It's a job I'm grateful for, but it's scary.

I want to die without having much impact on people's lives.

I can relate to that.

But…

Yeah?

But I still want to read your latest work.

Here you go.

Thank you.

Before he passed away,

the last time I saw Niko,

he asked me if I had a boyfriend right now.

I told him yes,

and that we were getting along very well.

When

I realized that from Niko's perspective, I was a happy person,

I thought that lying isn't so bad.

I shouldn't say "lying,"

since it's not exactly a lie.

I realized that the truth isn't always what makes someone happy.

I realized that obvious fact.

Yeah.

That's what novels and other creative works are to begin with.

They can make people unhappy or happy.

Even with the same book.

This is just me,

but I try not to think about

leaving this world as something sad.

I guess suicide

or accidents are different, but this is concerning illness.

I think Mr. Kobayashi was happy that he got to see you.

Not that I know anything about the two of you.

Niko Kobayashi was happy.

Niko Kobayashi was happy.

Niko Kobayashi is still happy.

Oh, I forgot my boyfriend is cooking for me today.

He says, "I'm sure you're feeling down, so let's eat something delicious."

He's making me a warm meal since I might be tired from processing someone's death.

He's making pot-au-feu.

Pot-au-feu is the best. It warms you up.

Says Yamada as he takes another sip of the cold barley tea.

Hey.

He's a nice guy.

Yeah, he is.

Ayana Tsuchida was happy.

Hey, I haven't died yet.

Are you getting along well with your girlfriend?

It's as usual, I guess.

All right. Let's get going.

Coming.

Do you have salt?

Yeah, hold on.

How much am I supposed to sprinkle on?

I think that's good enough.

- Isn't that too much? That's enough. - Is it too much?

Thanks. I have so much salt on me.

Thanks.

Thanks for cooking for me.

- I'll be done soon. - Okay.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm okay.

You must be tired.

Yeah, I'm tired.

That looks delicious. It has lots of vegetables.

It's really good.

It's warm and good for the soul.

You should get changed.

- I want to eat it right now. - It'll be done soon.

It's so soft.

Did you have much interaction with him?

With Mr. Niko Kobayashi.

- You were reading his novel the other day. - Yeah.

NIKO KOBAYASHI

Not only did I interact with him,

but he was also a senior at my university.

Really?

Yeah.

He's the person who suggested I write a novel.

You were that close to him?

In fact, we were going out.

Really?

Is it the person you wrote about in your novel?

That's right. It was based on him.

Although I added a lot of creative imagination to it too.

- I see. - Yeah.

Then his death must've affected you a lot.

But you know,

it hasn't really hit me yet.

So I'm not that sad.

I see.

Maybe you haven't reached the level of grief yet.

Grief comes suddenly to some people, and slowly to others.

Just my guess.

When I see people bawling at funerals, I sometimes feel a bit put off.

But I do envy them too.

I can relate to that.

I'm sorry for telling you that he was my ex. Does it bother you?

No, I'm happy that you told me.

Because you

don't usually share important details about yourself.

Yum.

Yeah, it's good.

How was Mr. Yamada?

What?

You were with him after Niko Kobayashi's funeral, right?

Kind of.

I hope he didn't seem too unstable.

It wasn't so bad.

Okay.

But in a way, he's always feeling a little down.

Mr. Yamada is…

Mr. Yamada is

still living life pretending that his girlfriend is still alive, right?

You know…

Humans can only live for about 100 years at most.

I mean that physically. The physical body

can only live for about 100 years at most.

But if you're like Mr. Yamada,

and somehow your brain

tricks you into believing that someone who no longer exists,

and is no longer in this world,

is still alive and well,

then that person