The Muppet Show

Mmm.

Mmm. Hmm.

- Oh. - What?

- Rowlf? - What?

Have you been playing this whole time?

Well, what did you think it was?

Some kinda sentimental montage in your head?

We're doing the show again, frog.

Oh, that's right. Uh…

Scooter, it's time.

You got it, boss.

Sabrina Carpenter. Thirty seconds to curtain, Ms. Carpenter.

Ms. Carpenter?

Thank you, Scooter.

Oh, my God. It's you. I love your outfit.

So do I. You're gonna have to change.

Yes, ma'am.

Is that my wig?

I don't wear wigs. This is my real hair.

Oh. Yeah. Same.

- No, I… And I know that. - No, I know you know.

- Great. - Okay.

It's The Muppet Show with our very special guest star, Sabrina Carpenter.

- Thank you. Thank you. - Uh, thank you.

Hi-ho, and welcome to The Muppet Show, everybody.

You know, we are so excited to be back on the very stage where it all started,

and then ended, and then,

is maybe starting again depending on how tonight goes.

Hmph. I can't believe they're doing the old show again.

Well, if it ain't broke.

No, they are broke. That's why they're doing it.

Okay. Now to kick us off,

it's our very special guest,

a sensational singer-songwriter and global superstar,

the one and only, Sabrina Carpenter. Yay!

Ugh. Quiet. Hooligans.

Do it. Do it. Toss.

Stop, or you'll be removed.

Don't worry, Sam. I got it.

Whoa.

- Great talent! - Whoo-hoo!

- Love it! More! More! - Yes, it's great.

Wow, what an exciting opening, Uncle Kermit.

Great job, Chickens. Again, I'm sorry about the fan.

I'm mortified.

- Scooter. Come here, come here, come here. - Uh. Yeah.

Why is it so crowded back here?

Well, uh, these are all the acts in the show, boss.

What? Are you sure I approved all of that?

And more.

Let's go already. We gotta get on stage.

Remember how excited everyone was to be on our first show back?

And you kept telling them that their acts sounded fun.

Scooter, everybody knows that "that sounds fun"

is just a polite way of saying no.

Yeah, that feels pretty indirect, boss.

- Hmm. - You know, this could be a problem.

Okay. Well, the next person who talks to me is definitely getting cut.

- Mm-hmm. - Oh, Kermie.

- Excuse moi, talent walking. - Hmm?

Oh. Oh, where's the talent?

- Me. Me. I'm the t… - Who?

Oh, Kermit. Isn't it wonderful being back in the theater again,

giving the people what they truly want?

Moi.

Good luck.

Scooter?

Yeah. Um, Piggy, uh, you know… …the show is, uh, it's running kinda long,

and, uh, you know, it looks like you're doing two acts.

Exactly. Now about the musical number,

when I emerge from the giant seashell dressed as Aphrodite,

let's make sure our 300 dancing Spartans know to exit the Trojan horse

precisely on my high B flat.

Right. Uh, just thinking out loud here,

but, uh, you think maybe all that historical accuracy might upstage you?

No.

Kermit. Kermit.

I couldn't help but overhear because I was spying on you guys.

If you need, I can help you trim some of the show.

Oh, really? Uh, thanks. What were you thinking?

How about a little off the top?

Ah?

I don't know if prop comedy is gonna help us right now, Fozzie.

Oh. Guess I'll have to put on my thinking cap then.

Hmm?

- Ah? Like it? Huh? Huh? Huh? - Uh, you know, sure.

If it can help you think of how to cut some acts from the show.

You got it, pal. Got an idea already.

Oh.

Hey, Seth Rogen.

Oh, hey, Fozzie. This is incredible.

It's always been a dream of mine to be here.

Ooh. Got any other dreams?

Uh-oh. What does that mean?

You're cut.

What? Cut? I'm the executive producer.

Then you can let yourself know we're going in a different direction.

Our next act is the world's most fearless daredevil/performance artist,

who's been shocking audiences and insurance companies for years.

Let's hear it for The Great Gonzo.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

Behold, it is I, The Great Gonzo.

And tonight I will attempt this deadly obstacle course

on self-driving roller skates.

All the while reciting every Academy Award winner

in the category of Best Supporting Actress.

Whoo-hoo. Ignite the rings.

Release the blades.

And it starts right now.

Goldie Hawn, Lupita Nyong'o, Shelly Winters.

Whoo. That was painful.

For him or for us?

Both.

And now, "Pigs in Wigs."

Duchess Piggerton of County Mayo Upon Sandwich.

Lord Scrappleton and… his plus one.

What?

Darling.

What a dazzling soiree, mon chéri .

Oh. Hello. How are you? Lovely to see you.

She has some nerve showing her face around here.

What a chic ensemble. Love whatever that is.

Apparently the dress code was optional tonight.

Darling, you're so devilish.

Say, could you be a dear and fetch us a beverage? Pretty please?

Oh. Of course, my crumpet. I'll be right back.

Mmm.

Oh, lover. The coast is clear.

- Psst, Piggy. - Hmm?

I forgot to tell you, we had to recast your lover.

W-What? Wi-With who?

Hola.

You've gotta be kidding me.

Hey, I'm just as confused as you are, okay?

All right. Let's just get on with it.

Oh, lover. How I've missed your chiseled chin,

your luscious, thick head of raven hair, and your big strong arms.

You talking to me?

Yep.

There you are, my darling. Uh…

And who are you, kind sir?

I don't know.

I was back there schmoozing when someone put me in this weird jacket

and threw me on the stage, okay?

Oh, no. I've been caught.

And now my public lover and my secret lover,

whomst I am tornt betweenst,

must duel to the death because they're so madly in love with moi .

Uh, yes. Uh, about that, I should tell you, I… I've met someone.

What? When?

Just now by the carving station.

Oh, I know it's only been a few seconds but it's true love.

What is happening here?

You heard him, okay. It's love. Good for you, my friend.

Oh, thank you. We're oh, so happy.

Ugh, forget it. I'm getting out of here while I still have my dignity.

Your projectiles, sirs.

Uh, too late. Sketch is over.

Actually, why don't you leave 'em. There's a lot more of this show left.

Unfortunately.

Okay. Feather's glued. Don't hug anyone till it is dry. Next.

Okay, everybody.

All of your names are on this run of show in a highly specific order.

And as long as I have this list in my hands,

the show will go off without a hitch.

Olympia Dukakis. Mo'Nique.

Feels like you kinda tempted fate with that one.

Huh. Okay. Uh, thank you very much.

Now, for our next musical number, let's take it to the streets.

The rat infested streets. Ooh.

Oh.