Bonus Family (Bonusfamiljen)

A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES

Have you seen Patrik? He doesn't look very stable.

-Did she leave him? -I don't know.

He just called to say they needed an emergency appointment.

That's what all men who've been dumped look like.

I got the feeling it was the other way around.

Where did that feeling come from if he didn't say anything?

Was it the shaman again?

I think it's more complicated than that.

Things are always more complicated than they seem.

That's what separates us from...

...simple things.

Hello and welcome.

Well...

Patrik, why don't you start by telling us why you're here?

You were the one who called us.

TWO MONTHS EARLIER

Hi, Mum.

- Hi. Aren't you eating with us? - No, I'm going to Frank's house.

Hi, honey.

- Have you finished it? - I'm reading it at Mum's house.

- What about English? - That's next week.

- Do you want me to do anything else? - No, that's fine.

Hi, honey.

- How did it go today? - Fine.

She's quick. She'll be a hurdler when she's older.

- Where is she? - She's asleep.

- Already? - Well, you're late.

Babies usually sleep around this time.

- It smells really good. Is Bianca coming? - I assume she is. Did she say anything?

- No. - It's almost done.

Unfortunately, I'm stuffed. I just happened to eat four buns at work.

I'm sorry, but it looks delicious. I can take it to work tomorrow.

Don't worry about it.

- Don't wake her up. - I just want to smell her.

- No, don't do that! - You have her the whole day, I miss her.

- Hi! - Don't wake her up!

Jesus! Sorry, it felt like a wet fish.

Please, don't pick her up!

Hi, sweetheart!

What's the problem? I can hold her when you're eating.

Come on, why did you pick her up? I've worked hard all day.

She needs routines, and you're ruining everything!

What do you mean?

- Sorry, but she needs routines! - Oh, did she tell you that?

Because when I was home with her, it was all nice and cosy.

And totally chaotic. She was awake the whole night. Yes, it was chaotic.

- She's a baby! They're awake at night. - No, they don't need to be.

Are you telling me how to raise children? You know I have two from before.

- I know. - That's twice as much as you.

- "As many." - Sorry?

Katja and I had a lot of routines for William, and that turned out well, right?

Are you saying my children suffered? Are they damaged?

Thank God Lo's life hasn't been completely ruined yet.

You're right. We'll send her to boarding school.

- Stop it. - No, I know. What about a Nazi camp?

You feed the kids, I'm going for a run.

THE BONUS FAMILY

No point going abroad when it's summer here.

You'd be sitting by the Mediterranean, projectile-sweating into a 40-euro salad.

- No, thanks. - All right.

When Swedish summer is at its best, this is where you want to be.

It's not too hot, not too cold, it's light in the evenings...

It's worth it, considering the weather's crap the rest of the year.

Right.

- Do you want another drink? - No, I'm good.

OK. I get it. It is getting late, I suppose.

How about we get dirty instead?

- Get dirty? You and me? - Yes.

I'll go pay.

- Hi. - What...

- Have you seen Eddie's swim shorts? - I don't think they're here. I'm peeing.

- Can I have some privacy? - Where are they?

Wait, you sit down to pee?

Yes. It's good for the prostate, and it doesn't splash everywhere.

It's strange you haven't noticed. We've lived together a while now.

Sorry, sorry. And sorry about yesterday.

It's just upsetting to always hear that Katja is so much better than me.

Please, that is not true! You're the best, and she's a complete cow.

- A complete cow? Don't exaggerate. - She is.

No, she's not. She's just a bit of a mentally unbalanced freak.

Would you call me an idiot if we got divorced?

We're not married, honey.

Can I...

What are you doing?

So let's do it. Let's get married.

- Are you proposing to me on the toilet? - Damn right, I am.

I love you. Do you want to marry me?

Yes, I really do.

- Can I wipe you now? - God, this is so romantic.

No, don't really do it!

- Good morning. - Morning.

- Good morning. - You're awake early.

- So is this guy. - Right, yep.

Right, OK...

Bloody hell!

- Hello! Stop it. - What's wrong?

There's someone here. There's someone here!

Hi, sweetie! Now everyone's awake. Let's make breakfast.

- Are you leaving? - Yes, I am.

- You should have said you have a kid! - He normally wakes up late.

- Well, not today, apparently. - Why don't you stay for a while?

- No, I've got lots to do today. - Just for a cup of coffee.

- So he doesn't think it was awkward. - But it was. Extremely awkward.

Maybe it's your job to speak to him, not mine. I'm not his stepdad.

I'm only asking you to stay 15 minutes for breakfast and coffee.

I can't stomach breakfast in the mornings, so...

- Hey... Fuck you. - Absolutely. Back at you.

- Are you coming? - Yes, in a minute.

Time for dessert!

- Where are you going? - To see Olga.

- But, sweetie, it's Family Friday. - Can't you stay home tonight? Please?

- I won't see you guys for a week. - Don't you want dessert?

- No, I'm good. - We have some exciting news.

- I need to... - Come on.

- Ice cream time! - I've got some news.

- News that is actually quite good news. - How many times can you say "news"?

I don't know, I'm a bit nervous. Help me.

What Lisa is trying to say is that we're getting married.

Seriously, was that the news? I'm going to miss my bus.

Bianca, I can understand if you're not overjoyed right now,

but I want you to know that I'm happy and that this is what I want.

- Congrats. - Bianca!

- When are you doing it? - We don't know exactly, but this autumn.

- Have you even told Dad? - No, we wanted to tell you first.

Please! I'm thinking about my dad, you're just thinking about yourselves!

- Imagine what it's like for Wille and me. - Your dad has no say in the matter.

- He's going to lose it! - No, no, no... Eddie!

- Eddie, stay... - Shut up and leave me alone!

God, he really didn't take that well at all.

Fuck...

Good thing you're so sensible.

Aren't you rushing into this? We're just getting used to Lo.

Are you squeezing in a marriage as well?

But this isn't really a big change for you kids.

- It's a big thing between Patrik and me. - Exactly.

Can I eat in my room?

- Absolutely. - Thanks.

- We can talk to them later. - Let's forget about it.

- No, no, no! - We have to leave it.

What sort of wedding will we have if they react like this now? They don't want this.

I don't care if the whole town stages a protest.

- I want you to be my wife. - Not right now.

Listen... Dad and I will always be your parents,

and we will always love you more than anything else.

This just makes this bonus family a bit more real.

I don't even want a bloody bonus family.

Anyway, we've decided to put the wedding on hold for a bit.

As if I care.

I think you do care. I think you care a lot!

- Stop it! - Can't you come downstairs?

- Can't you stay here instead? - Yes, of course I can.

- Are you nearly done? - Yes, take it easy!

- I've got a car waiting. - Breathe!

- Are those sheets? - No, the taekwondo uniform.

What a waste, he'll get bored after one class.

Then we'll encourage him. He can't spend all of his time on the iPad.

That's because he's intelligent. Martial arts is for idiots.

- You're so unprejudiced. It's beautiful. - Or they become idiots.

Repeated blows to the head have that effect.

- Take care. - Bye.

- I love you. - I love you too. Give them hell.

Bye.

Is it always so chaotic? Things going missing and shoes everywhere...

I don't know, but they're extra stressed now that they're getting married.

- They're getting married? - That's what they said yesterday.

Hello.

Eddie was pretty upset. He threw his bowl on the floor.

- Should I put it in the back? - Put it wherever.

Hey!

- Hi. - How are you? Nice to see you.

Hey. Some stuff...

His coat and some spare clothes, training gear and his favourite shirt.

- Great. - I'll see you in a week.

- Call me if you need to. - Has he eaten?

- Yes. - Great.

Bye.

- What did you eat? - Sweets at the cinema.

We'll sort it out.

Her kid was just staring at us.

- It was crazy. - Kids are cute, though.

That's exactly what I thought. "How cute, I hope he stays."

It's like Chucky in Child's Play just standing there like...

I don't get it. Was the kid home alone the night before?

I don't know, I have to call and ask... No, who cares? That's not the point.

The point is she wanted me to bond with her kid after the first date.

You can hear where this is going.

Date younger chicks, you'll avoid all the crap.

Older women just cause problems. Look at those two.

They've got blue hair. I've got no hair. Work it out yourself.

Come on, what's wrong with you? They're over 20.

Yes, but I'm a dad. I can't think of young women as sexy any more.

That's ridiculous. Where the hell's your testosterone?

- I'll chat them up, join me in a bit. - Good luck.

Hi. Are you looking for beds or are you homeless?

- Yes, we're looking for a bed. - I see.

You're nice and comfortable!

Are you OK?

- Should we really go through with this? - Of course, I love you!

- Yes, but what about the children? - Don't worry about them!