Entourage

Door number one or door number two?

- What do you got? - Let's take a moment to reminisce.

- Ari, come on. - What's in the envelope?

Behind door number one...

is an "Aquaman" check

with two million little fishies on it.

Hopefully, this will take care of your delinquent

heating and electric bills.

- We'll take door number one. - Wait wait wait. Let's take a moment

to celebrate how far we've come, all right?

First check I ever got for you... $668 for what?

- A guest star on "JAG." - Guest star on "JAG,"

- and I did not take commission. - No, you did not.

- This time I will. - What's behind door number two, Ari?

- Door number two is a list. - What list?

James Cameron's list for Aquagirl...

five of the hottest actresses on the planet,

one of which, you will be stuck

in a water tank with for nine months.

Even if you look like our skim milk-colored friend E here,

you still have a good shot of swimming in-between her legs.

Wait, E. We'll save it for the beach...

have something to talk to the guys about.

You don't talk about politics at the beach? Pretty cool, huh?

It'd be a lot cooler if you gave us the check, Ari.

- I'm gone. - Where you running to?

It's a day of beauty for me. I'm going in front of the cameras.

What are you doing, agency yearbook photos?

Actually, I made a little list of my own.

"Fade-In" magazine's "Top 40 Under 40."

Sandwiched in between "The O.C."'s creator Josh Schwartz

and Miramax's Meryl Poster, at number nine, is yours truly.

Don't worry about it, E. When they do a top 40 under four feet...

boom, top of the list.

Holy shit. Are we gonna go cash this?

- Not now. We're on our way to Malibu. - Malibu? I booked a massage.

So cancel it. I'll have Turtle give you a rubdown.

Eww.

What the hell's in Malibu?

Marcel, cancel my 11:00 deep-tissue, please. Thank you.

Fuckin' Malibu.

Who has a party at 10:00 A.M. On Wednesday anyway?

I hope they have an omelet chef.

- This place looks empty. - Maybe people came by boat.

Boy, you guys sure do complain a lot.

- Where'd you get a key? - Jessica Alba gave it to me.

- She gave you a key to her house? - No, she gave me the house.

Well, us... at least for the next couple months.

- What do you mean? - I told her our house

was under construction. She's off shooting the new "Fantastic Four."

She said we can stay here

as long as we take care of the cats.

How many cats are there?

You're telling me we're gonna live by the beach.

This is sick. This is like Far Rockaway minus the crack whores.

I think it blows. How am I gonna get to my auditions?

The P.C.H. Is like a parking lot.

You can stay at our house if it's easier.

By myself?

Fuck that.

Fucking cats.

You missed, motherfucker.

Come on.

- Ah! Fuck. - Too slow, hombre. Let's go.

Take it easy.

You flinched. It's a freebie. Come on.

Oh! God!

What do you guys think of Cameron Diaz for Aquagirl?

- Love her. - Fuck that.

She got a boyfriend. Upside is you bang her,

he gets pissed off. Downside is she's loyal.

Who wants to make a movie with someone you have no shot at?

- He's got a point. - Jennifer Garner.

- Love her. - Boyfriend!

- Kirsten Dunst? - She already fucked a superhero.

- She's single though. - Who else you got?

Mandy Moore?

- You flinched, Drama. - Bullshit. I was reacting to Mandy.

You did a few weeks on "A Walk to Remember."

- Did you like her? - Yeah, she was great.

Come on. We're not gonna get into this whole thing again.

- What whole thing? - There is no "whole thing."

Did you go out with Mandy Moore?

Yeah, I mean...

- a couple times. It was no big deal. - I never heard about that.

You were still spinnin' pizzas back East.

- So what's the deal? - Nothing. We went out

for a little while and, like everything does, it ended.

- So she hates you. - Nah, I don't think she hates me.

Come on.

She probably hates ya.

How do they not have Fruit Loops?

You can't get anything in Malibu

because it's impossible to get deliveries.

You make it like we're in the Far East, Drama.

I know Malibu. One second it's no Fruit Loops, the next

a mudslide is slinging a 400-Ib. Boulder through your dining room.

Okay, let's see, what else do we need? Essentials.

More protein, man. We gotta bulk Vince up.

Seriously, Aquaman is fuckin' yoked.

Where is Vince, anyway?

I left him on aisle nine with that MILF.

He's probably banging her in the produce section.

Look, guys, Cameron wants a more fluid swimmer than bulky,

so don't go gettin' Vince's head all fucked up.

If you don't want Vince's head fucked up,

make sure Mandy Moore doesn't get this movie.

- Seriously, that will drown Aquaman. - Why? What he do to her?

To her? It's what she did to him.

She crushed him, bro. Crushed him.

Come on, I've never seen Vince hurt over a girl.

It got ugly, E. He was doing drive-bys to her house,

- late night hang-ups. - He made a mix tape.

- Bullshit. - No, I swear! You remember that?

- He led it off with "Tiny Dancer." - Elton John?

Him and Mandy saw "Almost Famous" like 20 times.

Now I know you're fuckin' with me.

Mandy Moore is Aquaman's kryptonite, bro.

Trust me.

Yo, that woman has Fruit Loops!

She probably got the one box that was able to make it out.

- It's Dr. Joyce Brothers. - Oh, yeah?

Drama, go distract her.

Don't make a scene out here, Drama.

There's only two markets in Malibu.

Are you kiddin'? With this performance, she won't notice a thing.

- Dr. Brothers? - Yes.

- Hi, I'm a big fan. - Oh, thank you.

This is kind of embarrassing,

but sometimes I wake up in the morning fully-tented.

- Any advice? - At your age, consider yourself lucky.

My age?

How fuckin' old do you think I am?

What are you guys leaving me with that crazy mother for?

- Looked like you were having fun. - The lady was nuts,

- told me she wanted to take me home. - You serious?

It's total lawlessness out here.

Yeah, hello?

- Johnny. Johnny? - Hello? I can't hear you!

Fuckin' Malibu. I get no reception out here.

Lighten up, Johnny, I can hear you fine.

- Hey, Adam. - I know it's last minute,

but I got a Hallmark M.O.W. Joe Mantegna, Tess Harper.

You know what Hallmark means, right? It means Emmy.

I always did want one of those winged angels.

You're in at 2:15.

2:15? It's 11:00 A.M. I'm in Malibu. I can't do that.

- Can you make it like around 5:00? - Come on, Johnny.

You can get this. Now drive like the wind.

- What do you got? - Movie of the week with Joe Mantegna.

- Joe Montana's acting? - Joe Mantegna, dickhead.

Who wants to take a ride into town with me?

Sorry, Johnny. Got a scuba lesson. Take Turtle.

Come on, Vince! I want to learn to scuba.

- You know how buoyant I am. - Come on, Turtle.

All right.

But you owe me a flinch from before.

All right, fine. Hurry up, get it over with.

I only need one.

- Mmm! - Ow-ho-ho-ho!

I love that shit!

You got Gold.

Do you really answer the phone that way or did you see it was me?

Don't tilt your head. You can't hold the phone when I'm cutting your hair.

- Lloyd, come hold the phone. - You're impossible today.

You're impossible, my man.

Dana Gordon, the second love of my life,

- what can I do for you? - Look, I have a little heads-up,

but it's for your ears only. Swear you won't tell anyone.

Did I tell anyone that your first girl-girl sex

was with someone from must-see TV in '95?

- Okay, Ari, please. - Spill it.

I'll swallow a cyanide tablet if they capture me.

Okay. Mandy Moore has moved to the top of the list, all right?

James sat down with her and he loves her skin tone next to the water.

- Is that official? - We're ready to make an offer.

But here's the thing. I know that Vince and Mandy dated.

- Did you know that? - I know everything about my clients.

Well, then will you tell me what you know

about the "Walk to Remember" incident?

Why am I doing this anyway?

You're part of the team, that's why.

Yeah, well, it's not natural to breathe underwater.

You didn't have a problem in the pool.

A pool's a pool.

Ocean's an ocean. No sharks in the pool.

Don't worry.

If we come across any sharks, you got Aquaman to protect you.

Wow. That's comforting.

- Hey. - Where are you?

Just heading to Vince's scuba lesson.

Ah, scuba. Sport normally reserved for the rich,

but you get free lessons from a Navy Seal

because you happen to have been born

- next door to Vince. - What's up, Ari?

Do you know anything about Vince and Mandy Moore?

- No. - "A Walk to Remember"?

- What about it? - Well, apparently

they had to shut the production down for two days

because Vince was harassing her?