House

Hey, sweetie.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

No, the meeting's running a little late.

Well, you know Matheson--

the guy loves to hear himself talk.

Yeah. Yeah. I'll meet you at the restaurant.

Hey, we're going over the contracts now.

I gotta get back in there.

I love you too.

You're getting paid to clean,

not window shop, Vesky.

You calling me a thief?

Take it easy. Just yanking your chain.

Damn, it's freezin' in here.

Better the cold than the smell.

Used to think my job sucked.

- How much you make an hour anyway? - Not enough.

The difference is that this job

is just a temporary setback.

You, on the other hand, will always be a schmuck.

Yeah. Schmuck with a guaranteed pension and benefits.

I'll take it.

I'm sorry I'm late.

No talking about real estate tonight.

I really want you to just enjoy yourself.

Well, seeing you in that dress,

I'd say mission accomplished.

Gets a little better.

Wait till you see what's on underneath.

Fresh tako with lemon. Enjoy.

I...ordered the appetizer special.

Oh, I thought tako was a kind of tuna.

Ooh. We're so not eating this.

Well, we should at least try it.

Please, it's moving, Bert.

Uhh...

Oh, it's so gross!

Actually, it's... not that bad.

Really?

I'm not eating it.

To us...

on our third anniversary.

The day I met you was--

was--

Bert?

Bert. What is it? What--

honey, what's wrong?

Someone, please call 911!

Honey.

Honey...

== Sync, corrected by elderman ==

House.

I assume you're avoiding me because of the charity gala.

This Friday?

It's completely slipped my mind.

So you'll be there? No, I meant

it slipped my mind to tell you I'm not going.

What do you think it'll look like

if you don't show up when I get an award?

Like I don't give a crap about awards, charities,

what it looks like.

If you ever want--

I RSVPed two days ago.

What, you think I'm a complete ass?

If you were already going, why did you--

Foreplay.

What?

Are you wearing my tie?

Oh, I saw it in your closet,

and it happened to match my shirt.

Why were you in my closet?

Looking for a tie. What's the big deal?

Obviously, he wants you out of the closet for some reason.

I suspect marriage, but I'm liberal that way.

Now, tell me how someone can have an allergic reaction

when all their tests were negative for known allergens.

Environmental.

File says he's a real estate developer.

Could have been exposed to something

visiting a construction site.

He's lying.

He's not an executive. I saw his hands.

They're covered with calluses and little cuts.

He works with them.

A lot.

Stand up.

Uh...Oh...

Our little girl... is finally growing up.

I mean, you dream of this day,

but when it finally happens...

So what did Mr. Meat Hooks say

when you called him a liar?

Uh...

I didn't.

Hmm. Baby steps.

Go down there and do it.

Um...

But what if I'm wrong?

I'll just end up offending him.

Consider that part a bonus.

All right, I'll send along

one of your big brothers to help.

You want scary, smarmy, or shorty?

We need to ask you a few questions.

Alone. If you don't mind.

Uh, they tend to be personal in nature.

I'm his wife.

I can probably answer them better than he can.

They're about his job.

Well, what does that matter?

He sits in an office all day--

Honey, take a break. It's okay.

No!

Seriously, if there's something

really wrong with him, I-I wanna know about it.

It's not.

Our questions are about what he eats for lunch at work

and what comes out at the end--

bowel movements, mostly.

Color, texture. Smell.

Oka--

Pretty sure you can't help with that.

Maybe I could use a break.

Thank you for your honesty.

You're welcome.

I can't let my wife find out about this.

You have to promise me.

That depends on if it's considered--

We promise.

I lost everything because of the recession,

my entire real estate company.

And she has no idea.

So what do you do for a living now?

I used to be a janitor when I was in college,

and now I'm almost 40

and doing it for the people I built homes for.

Why?

What do you think?

'Cause I need the money.

No, I mean why lie to your wife about it?

Oh, n-none of our business, really.

What kind of cleaning?

Industrial jobs.

Crime scene cleanup.

Septic tank repair. Mold removal.

It's physically killing me.

It's the holy grail of potential diseases--

caustic cleaning chemicals, raw sewage,

mold spores, fungal infections.

And not to mention cleaning up blood

and other bodily fluids from a homicide yesterday.

We should check out the crime scene.

He might have picked up a bacterial infection

from the victim's blood.

Place has been cleaned and sanitized by our patient.

We sent for the autopsy report-- probably take a week to get it.

When he's not working,

where does he go all day to hide out?

His old real estate office?

Treat for bacterial infection. Meantime...

Bert take Ernie and check his office for environmentals.

I'll talk to Cuddy about getting the autopsy results faster.

You're Bert.

He's Ernie.

And they're both roommates.

That was a good one.

Well...

at least the Alzheimer's patient in room 202

won't remember she only got half a ham sandwich.

I'm doing her a favor.

You're really going to the charity gala?

Why?

I wanna do something nice for my girlfriend.

You never do anything unless it stands to benefit you.

I realize that three failed marriages

can leave a man twisted and bitter inside,

but in a good relationship,

people sometimes do things for each other.

A hundred says you don't show up.

You're giving me an incentive to actually show up?

A personal, selfish incentive?

I'm just making easy money.

200.

How high did Cuddy authorize you to go?

She--she didn't--

300.

She really wants you there.

Why do people believe

I'm incapable of doing anything nice?

Experience.

It's a tie.

I'm not wearing your underwear.

I said I was sorry. You want the tie back?

Can we get to work?

I can't tell if you're being passive-aggressive

or this is just your regular fun-loving personality.

Both. And you can keep the tie.

Went out of style five years ago.

Vicodin.

And he doesn't have a prescription.