TWIN

Bitch, you gonna spit on me?

Huh?

What? What?

Now you're on the floor.

Now you're on the floor, huh?

You're on the floor now. What you gonna do?

Stay on the

Sup?

Oh, oh. Oh, oh.

You're gonna pull a gun out on me?

Oh, you gonna shoot me now?

Okay. Don't just stand there.

Do it.

You got the balls to pull it out.

Shoot me then, bitch!

Bitch? I should shoot your ass right now.

- Go ahead. -Dumbass, calling me no bitch.

Hey. Don't talk about it, be about it.

Go ahead. Shoot me.

Hmm.

My God.

Today is the day.

Our baby is leaving.

Oh, my gosh.

And I already feel your mind going crazy

and it's not even 7:00 AM yet.

How do you know me so well?

Maybe because I listen to you every time you told me

how bad your anxiety is

every morning before your coffee.

And then the coffee makes it worse.

Or maybe it's just because we've been married

for almost 20 years and you just know your wife.

Priscilla is going to USC...

Uh-hmm. - baby.

We did it.

We did it.

-We did it. -We did it.

Ugh. Y'all are disgustin'.

Don't nobody wanna see y'all doin' the nasty

this early in the morning, in the kitchen?

Young lady, this is our house.

And if you don't wanna walk in

on something you don't wanna see,

then you should probably get a room somewhere else.

Well, I do have a room somewhere else

at my college dorm.

And you weren't complaining when we did this to create you.

Oh, no. Oh, my gosh.

Well, how could I complain, Dad?

I wasn't even a thought yet.

Uh, that is true.

I mean, you were the little swimmer

that got through the little egg.

Ma, why do you have to be so graphic?

You always tell me that story, like, every time.

Oh, I can't help it.

It is my field of work.

Ma, you're a delivery doctor.

The swimmers have already done their duty

before it gets to your sort of work.

Okay. Well, that is true.

But you have to know the entire story

to understand it, right?

Uh-hmm? Yeah.

Yeah.

-Mwah. Hmm, mwah. -Mom.

Ma, I don't know where your mouth has been.

-Okay. -Y'all been doin' this stuff

in the kitchen. Uh-uh. -Wow.

Neither does your dad, but do you see him complaining?

Not at all.

And I like that story.

It reminds me of how healthy mine are.

I'm one marble away from crazy,

so I'm not sure how healthy you are, Dad.

Whoa.

Come here you.

Come here.

I am so, so proud of you, baby girl.

You're going to college.

That is a dream come true.

Uh-hmm. Thanks, Dad.

I just wanna make you proud.

Uh, hello?

What about Mom here?

I was the one that carried you for nine months.

Oh, no.

There she goes again, Dad.

-Nine-month story. -Yeah, it was.

It was nine hard months and twenty-three...

-Twenty-three hours of labor. -Twenty-three hours of labor.

Yes, Mom, we know, we know. We know.

Okay.

But I mean, come get it, Mom.

-All right, baby. -I love you, Mom.

I'm excited to go to college.

Yeah. And I'm excited, you know, get you out the house.

That way, me and your dad don't have to creep around anymore.

Ew.

Just don't have babies.

Like, the way y'all are acting is like...

I'm not trying to have no siblings.

I like being the center of attention, okay?

So, y'all behave.

And anyway, you're gonna miss me.

Maybe a little bit.

A little bit. Yeah. -Maybe a little bit.

At least we won't have to sneak

around this house anymore

because your mother and I are spending her vacation

at the lake house this summer.

Yeah.

And you guys still aren't gonna get rid

of little old me because when break comes,

I'm gonna be there with my college friends.

And I'ma tear it up, yup.

And I'ma tear it up.

That's your daughter.

I'm gonna be at the lake house, hangin' up.

That's your, baby girl.

That's my baby.

Welcome to your new home, Prissy.

I remember when I stayed in the frat house.

I was a wild one.

Oh. Okay.

Watch yourself, Adam.

Uh-hmm.

Actually, I was going to say...

- Okay. - That I was tamed

by the most beautiful woman

-I had ever saw. -Yeah, whatever.

You tried to get with my best friend, Jackie, first.

-Remember that? -Oh, yeah.

Good thing she wasn't in that dorm room that night.

And you were.

Oh.

Mm-mm.

Um, Priscilla,

you know, college is for...

Sex and alcohol.

I know. I know.

We've gone over this.

-Gone over this. -Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. You keep it up.

You do whatever you want,

but do not come home pregnant.

No. That wouldn't be doing whatever I want to then

if I can't do that.

What?

Oh, okay. Okay.

I see what's happening here.

You two knock it off. Okay.

Our baby girl is going to college to learn

and be all that she can be.

-Yes, Mom. You're right. -Yes.

And you guys raised me well and I'll be okay.

Don't worry about me.

Now that's my baby girl.

-I love you, Mom. -I love you, too.

Ugh, my baby girl.

And I love you, Dad.

-I love you. -Bring it in. Bring it in.

I love you more, Prissy.

I need a call at least three times a week

and do not turn into one of those daughters

that doesn't come home to visit.

I doubt that'll happen

because I'm only 30 minutes away from you, guys.

Okay. Don't worry. Don't worry.

Bye. Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad.

-Okay. -I guess we should go.

-We gotta get on the road. -Yes, you should go.

Wow.

-Felt a little rushed but okay. - Bye.

-Yes. It's all right. -I'm gonna miss you. Mwah.

I'm gonna miss you, too.

Call me.

Our baby girl.

Not a baby anymore.

I really wish we would've had another one.

Oh. After the 18 years we suffered?

Hell no.

But seriously, I think I want a little boy now.

Oh.

What the hell is wrong with you, woman?

That's why I can't deal with your ass 'cause you crazy.

Nigga, you had this bitch in my house.

All right. You're the one that's fucking crazy.

First of all, you need to watch your tone in my house,

unless you lost your goddamn mind.

I can say or do whatever I want, nigga.

This is my house too.

No. No. No. - Yes.

You just live here.

I pay the bills, so it's my house.

Until you could do something other than piss me off,