How to Lose a Popularity Contest

Max. Max!

Max!

The first thing you need to know about me

is my name is Ellie...

Not Max.

Ellie.

The second thing you need to know

is that everything that is about to happen

is entirely the fault

of this emotionally-stunted monster, Nate,

and his brain-dead sidekick, Streaker.

Despite my protests,

the school board requires

that I pass out the following sanitary products.

It all started in sixth-grade...

Sex Ed...

Just your average birds, bees,

and lifetime of emotional trauma.

Charlie, really?

Now I am required to take questions.

This does not mean you have to have any.

Yes, Ellie.

How long should I wear a tampon on a normal flow day?

My dad says you need to have boobs

before you get your period!

Thanks for contributing, Charlie.

Uh, technically, you can wear a tampon up to eight hours,

but four to six...

Got it, thanks.

Thanks, Sally. That was helpful.

I have a little sister,

so it's important I learn about periods

and other girl stuff.

Oh, you're welcome, Rowan.

Oops.

Hey.

Nate Reed

look at him.

This yours?

Thanks, Nate.

The cutest boy in school.

He's so-o-o perfect... right?

Wrong.

Oh, my God!

Ellie got her period!

What?

Charlie!

Principal's office, now.

But it's true! Look at her pants.

No, it's not. I don't even get my...

Hey

don't forget this...

"Max..." you might need it.

Yeah. "Max!"

Max! Max!

All right, that's enough!

- That's enough. - Max! Max!

Max! Max! Max!

Yep, that's me.

"Max"... as in "Maxi Pad"...

A nickname that would stick for the rest of my life.

That's my girlfriend.

You're out, Max!

Ellie!

That's my Rowan.

Not all guys act like zoo animals.

I am counting down the days, Rowan...

Literally counting them.

Okay. I mean, not actually "literally,"

though, right?

Well, with the 27 days left in junior year

and the 181 days in senior year,

that brings us to 208 days total,

but with real illness, fake illness,

and some much-needed mental health days,

I can knock it down to an even 200.

Okay. Literally, then.

I couldn't do it without you.

Oh.

Oh, look.

A popularity contest

you can actually put on a resume.

You know, if student elections

were based off of merit alone,

you would be Student Body President next year.

Oh, okay.

You know, I actually kind of was thinking about...

Do you know what? Hold that thought.

Vice-Principal Everdeen!

So fancy seeing you here in your... office.

Miss Pearse.

As you know,

it is my lifelong dream to attend an Ivy League school,

and while acceptance rates hover between 3 and 8%,

students who attend the PCLA Summer STEM program

are 10 times more likely to get accepted,

so it is absolutely crucial

that I attend their engineering program this summer,

and nothing will strengthen my application more

than a glowing letter of recommendation

from my favorite mid-level administrator!

Ellie... -I've already

taken the initiative of writing that letter on your behalf...

-Ellie. - So, really,

all you have to do is sign it. -Ellie!

You know I like you,

and I spoke with Mr. Beardsley,

and he said you are a computer-science wizard!

Thank you!

But he also said

that you do all of your group projects alone

because you don't trust the other students.

Do you know what "PCLA" stands for?

"Pre-College Leadership Academy."

"Leadership," Ellie.

And from what I've heard, you're a brilliant student,

but you're not a leader.

Uh...

How did that go?

Great. Perfect.

Yeah? Even the last part

that was still according to plan?

It's always according to plan, Row, always.

Okay. Right. "Always."

-He-e-e-ey! -Yo, yo!

Ellie Pearse...

Beautiful soul, heart of my heart.

And these are my day-ones,

Aja and Lauren.

How are you?

I've been worse,

but that speaks less to the quality of my day

and more to how terrible my life's been to date.

Oh.

Ellie, what in the name of anal over-planning

is this app you just sent me?

I built us a shared calendar!

-Like, G-Cal or... -Oh, way better.

I mean, how else are we gonna schedule our Friday night quest?

It has "Friday night" in the name.

I'll download it right now.

Thank you.

Yo, send me that homework!

Uh, excuse me, the back of the line

is right here. -Sorry, Max.

Got a pass to cut the line.

Important baseball meeting.

Okay, you're not even on the baseball team,

and don't call me...

Boom! I have got so much booze for this weekend!

For real? How'd you score it?

Easy. My dad's going through this whole, like,

low-functioning alcoholic phase

ever since the Feds raided his company!

Nice, bro!

But we need enough vodka to fill a fish tank.

Bro, his stash could fill a whole-ass aquarium!

-Hey, Denise. -Hey.

Got something for me today?

Uh-huh.

Hot pepperoni.

Ah! Naughty, naughty.

Long line today?

Guys, this is so unfair.

Oh, come on, Ellie. It's just pizza.

It's not the pizza... it's the principle.

I mean, they get pizza, and we get

this.

Honestly, it's so frustrating.

We live in a world where those two boys,

whose combined GPA is still a point lower than mine,

are gonna be more successful than any of us.

Hey, that depends what you consider success.

Well, Streaker's dad's a billionaire.

And Nate's so hot he's Lauren's only straight hall pass.

Oh, baby, you remembered!

Mm!

So... do you have some version of success

that doesn't include

being beautiful, rich, and popular?

Oh, and this is Quinn.

She's a senior,

and brilliant,

but for some insane reason,

she's dating the biggest idiot in our junior class...

Stop, stop!

-Hi, Nate. -Hi.

Hey, Streaker.

Hello, Quinnathan.

You have something on your face.

I just don't know what Quinn sees in him.

Seriously...

She's Harvard-accepted, and she got

a perfect score on her SAT!

We've heard the speech a hundred times.

"Nate sucks. Why do people like him?"

Blah, blah, blah.

So, Streaker has tons of vodka,

and we want to fill his aquarium,

but now it's like, what do we do with the fish?