Ah Long Pte Ltd (老师嫁老大)

Five, six, seven, eight.

One, two, three, four,

five, six, seven, eight, turn.

Two, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

Turn, two, three, four, turn, turn.

My name is JoJo and I like to dance.

I am a professional dance instructor.

It's hot, I need water and towel.

- Thank you! - Welcome.

Mr. Fang, can you style a special image for me?

I want to scare my husband.

Your face is not scary enough?

Don't you have a designer?

That wasn't a real designer.

I've heard people like you are best at image styling.

Teacher, my request is simpler,

it will be good if I look like Jolin Tsai.

I don't do simple jobs.

You don't know how to talk.

You should join the transvestites pageant.

If you join, all of them can step aside.

Do us proud!

You wish!

Let me tell you three,

I'm very much a normal man.

I'm very masculine, okay?

If you three lie down now, I can make all of you pregnant!

We're not afraid! Come on!

Dancing makes me feel alive.

I am a happy-go-lucky person,

so "lucky" till I married a loan shark without knowing it.

So unlucky!

Shao He Gang is a big Triad group.

They do all sorts of money-making businesses.

They earn big bucks by being loan sharks.

This tomboy is Sister Hua, No. 2 leader.

And also my wife.

They are Soldier Head and Emperor.

They have followed Sister Hua for many years.

This is the head of Shao He Gang, Chen Jun.

For years, he has offended many other gangs.

Are you Chen Jun?

What's up?

Shao He Gang!

Thank you.

Take a seat.

All of you are too polite.

You don't need to come if you're busy.

It's just a minor injury, you don't need to bring me so many gifts.

There's deep grievances with Qing Long Gang.

Boss, we must regain our dignity!

Regain dignity!

Yes, we must regain dignity!

This finger nearly broke.

Boss, I will regain this dignity for you.

Good! Take a seat.

Today,

since all of you are here,

I have something to announce.

I...

have decided to retire.

Retire? Why?

Boss, why are you leaving us?

Without you, what should we do?

Boss, the gang can't go on without you, boss!

Boss, you cannot leave!

Look at them, they can't go on without you!

All right, stop crying!

Boss don't go!

Chen Jun is a sly old fox.

Some say he acts childish.

He likes doing things that makes people nervous.

He likes to see everyone nervous.

He secretly feels satisfied.

He's an old man with only this joy.

Is that pathetic or funny?

You still got to respect him.

He retires at his peak.

Not many leaders in this world

who built their empires with bare hands,

can retire so easily.

Very impressive!

The gang's event is like a National Day celebration,

except there's no helicopter flying across.

Now, the bad are copying the good.

And the good are doing what the bad would do.

So, what is good and what is bad?

It's better for the common people to pretend that they don't know.

SHAO HE GANG

Now my wife is the gang chief, there's more pressure.

Chen Jun says my wife will make decisions on

all the gang matters. He will retire completely.

After hearing his words, should I be happy or sad?

Yeah!

Hua...

For my wife, the worst is not the gang matters.

It's her mother's naggings to get married.

The older her mother gets, the more worried she is.

Actually, it's not just my wife.

Many decent women can't find a partner.

Let alone a gang leader like my wife.

Fourth aunt's daughter is getting married,

and, your old neighbor,

the big mouth aunt's youngest daughter

has given birth to a pair of twins.

All our relatives and friends kept asking,

why aren't you married?

Are you listening? Stop watching TV!

When are you getting married?

Look at me, how will I get married?

How?

I remember when you were born,

I gave you two breasts.

Where are they?

They're useless to me, so I put them away!

Why do you put them away?

Students in the morning class, please don't give up.

If you didn't do well this time, just work harder.

You can do it!

This is the idioms dictionary I used last year.

It's yours now.

I have confidence in you, good luck!

After the rain, the sun shines.

"Regardless of the rain, dark clouds cannot cover the sun."

Before I, JoJo Fang, ever existed,

her mother tries to sell her off.

Not missing any man out.

Frankly, he has stage 3 cancer.

Hope you'll marry him to make his last days happy.

Here's his insurance.

He has bought a lot of policies.

Speak.

Who are they?

Tell him, Petaling Street is our territory.

Tell him to get stuffed! Who are they?

CID? So what? Tell them to go to hell!

Hold on! What did you just say?

CID? Then we go to hell.

Did you see that? Even the dying runs away!

Look at your outfit.

Can you learn from Man U?

Learn from Man U?

Show half of our breasts!

Hey, Miss!

What Miss? I'm a Mister!

Can you read or write?

Of course I can, unlike you!

Come over and help me.

- What for? - Come!

Come!

What do you want?

Is it correct?

IF NO MONEY TO PAY BACK, WILL CUT YOUR HEAD ANDHORN!

- Wrong. - Really?

This word is wrong, the correct word is "owe."

Really?

This word means "head."

It should be "hand."

Really?

This is funny, the word "horn" is wrong, too.

Horns are for devils. Humans have legs. Got it?

Devils have legs, too!

Legs are below.

I'm talking about horns on top!

If you don't believe it, why do you ask me?

Why are you writing these?

IF YOU OWE MONEY BUT DO NOT PAY BACK, WILL CUT YOUR HEAD & HORN!

You are those blood-suckers! Ah-Longs!

Hey! Ah-Long is used by illiterates!

Not only did they not pay up, they called the police too.

Miss, don't go there. Loan sharks are there!

I was beaten up, it really hurts. Don't go over!

I'm calling the police, someone may die!

Why are you calling the police?

Someone may die, we have to call the police!

We're filming.

- You know Candid Camera? - Yes.

The camera is in front. Go.

Stop hitting!

Are you okay?

Your acting is very real!

You're so pretty, must be the lead!

His blood looks fake, I can tell it's tomato sauce.

And his bruises, neither black nor green,

the make-up sucks!

I can do better.

I'm a make-up artist.

Sometimes I do image styling, or choreography.

I am an emcee too. Take this! Price is negotiable.

I am very flexible.

Thank you!

You're so pretty!

Sorry, my car broke down.

Can your men help push the car? Thank you!

Push please?

Great, it's okay now. I'll go now.

Call me! You're pretty!

Hubby, you can't leave us behind!

Don't leave us!

Boss, he owed us money and called the police.