Stath Lets Flats

Dina.

# Dina, I'm gonna feed ya

# Gonna buy you an egg

# Gonna mix that egg with bread for your mouth

# For strength Provide for your life

# Gonna hand you my business

# Sorry that your mum's not my wife

# Gonna feed you an egg and destroy anyone who touches your smile

# Then I'm gonna raise you right

# Then I'm gonna raise you high

# And give you an egg in the sky

# Got us a new shop for the business

# Sorry about the hair inside

# And if anyone tries to kill ya Gonna end their life

# Gonna give you an egg tonight. #

No, She can't have egg. Stop giving her egg.

# The hair's over there, the hair's in my lung... #

Oh, no, hair. Don't you think it's weird that she moves

and, like, I move as well?

I actually think that maternity leave should be banned.

Do you think cave mums stopped going to whack chickens about cos they'd had a kid?

No, they'd hand the baby a whacker, wouldn't they,

and they'd say, "Get involved." I'm gonna stand up, actually.

I can't give you a trim at four, I'm a lettings agent.

Letting agent. HE TUTS

Every time she croak at me, it's like she say, "True family."

I taught her that, yeah.

Oh, my God, selfie. Let me see if I can slot you in with

a viewing today.

"Slot" - listen to me! Makes it sound

like you're a big coin or something, saying slot!

Sorry about that. Apols! Anyway, I'll see you later.

All right, lovely. Oh, sorry.

Careful of the paint, Alistair.

Sorry about that. I mean, it's a gorgeous colour for an office.

Um, sort of a cheese colour.

Aye, it's the youthful detective and Bapoo happy.

Come on, Al, look, please.

Would do you think of my daughter, man?

Ah, she's insane.

It's my father.

Quee-quee-quee! Quee-quee!

Quee-quee-quee! Quee-quee-quee!

Ahhh, do you like my personality?

Oh, Alister, come, come, come.

Say "quee" to my daughter Dina, huh?

Um, quee. Quee, exactly.

I-I better go cheese those walls.

Oh, and I've also got to, er, put a bag in the room.

Quee-quee-quee! Quee-quee-quee!

You remember when I said to you, "Quee quee quee"?

I remember your used to say quee to me.

Sophie...

Oh! Thanks. I'm good, yep, yep, feeling good.

I wasn't expecting to see a Hollywood actor in here.

Oh! I feel like I'm in a cinema, enjoying a film.

Really, is it?

Do you think it's a film about a girl

whose hands have turned into dogs?

Oh!

Do you know that you've got a Carole style in your hair?

Oh, do I? Oh!

And now you're always going to have to say at

the end of everything, um, "Sorry, my love"!

Ask me a question and you can try it.

Oh, OK, um...

Are you going for lunch and, if so, can I come with you?

Sorry, ma love!

Ooh! I would like to go, my love.

Oh, great! Oh, wow.

Oh, yeah. That's amazing.

Oh! Green Nut. Dad, is this for Dina?

Katia, this is all my stuff from when I was a little nipper.

This was my favourite toy, Green Nut. Oh!

I used to pinch it and tell it rude secrets and everything.

Jealous. Oh, my girlie getting spoiled.

# Green Nut, G-G-G Green Nut Green Green Nut... #

Spoiled? Ugh! Hardly.

What, with a big bogey toy? Come on!

Buh, yes, she is getting spoilt.

Have you seen I'm getting her all the top brands and everything, man?

# Designer lifestyle. #

What is "Rark"?

You don't know about Rark? It's like Nike, yeah,

but instead, yeah, it's Rark.

Nah, nah, nah.

Right, I'm off out, I'm Vivian Viewings.

Oh, snap! I gotta tour a dirty two-bed.

Sophie, please shave this room by the time I get back.

Oh, can someone help me cos, er, there's no bin in here

and there's over 25 hairs at least?

Sophia, I'll get bin.

Don't put it outside. Our street is getting hairy.

There's a wicked bin across the road, actually. Um, I'll show you.

Dina, say goodbye to your family affair...

# Cos it's just me and you and Katia

# To diggly diggly diggly today! #

No, she's coming with me. I need to get out of this hair nest.

Desperately no.

What, you taking her? This is the only time I get to see her.

Carole, let me get to know the woman.

Sit around talking to her about fighting. You don't do any work.

Don't make me choose between my work and my daughter. Eeee.

How is it a choice? Just do your job. What's eeee?

I knew that was gonna come back to break me in the butt.

I was trying to say please at the end.

Oh, yeah, erm, I'm glad that came up, actually.

What? Can you try and sort of talk properly around her?

All this Greek in the air -

I don't want her growing up sort of saying things like

wiggly wiggly wobble and all this rubbish that you come out with, OK?

Are you kidding? Do you know how hard it took me

to spoke in such a posh way?

Tell her.

Say, say, Caz? I've been meaning to tell you a question.

Erm, if I do talk properly, would it be at all possible for me

to have Dina to stay the night at me and Katia's tonight

for a very sensible sleepover?

Nah, nah, nah, I wouldn't have thought so. No, no, state of that room you've made for her.

Big cackling Jesus hoovering above a car seat on the floor? Nah, nah, nah.

You throw shade on my interior? I made Dina a key chandelier.

Right, OK, look, if you stay here in the office and wait for calls

and act like a normal person, then I'll think about it.

Yeah, OK, I'll protect the office, I'll stay there. But can Katia

be with me? Cos I don't quite wanna be there alone, in there.

No, we're in a barber's here, do you know what I mean? The odds are already stacked against us.

I don't wanna add a postwoman to the odds.

OK. Whatevs.

I love you, Stath. I... SHE HISSES ..Carole.

Bye.

Dina, I'm gonna protect the office. I love you, love you.

For Lovers by Pete Doherty

THEY GIGGLE

Shall we...lunch?

I've heard really good things about this place.

Yeah, I've been meaning to try this place for a long time.

I mean, the queen of hot tips on a throne of suggestions.

You're always giving me some really compliments, aren't you?

Oh, God, no. Making my head too large.

I want to say some nice things to you.

Oh, no, no, no, please,

I already get enough of that from your brother.

Uh, number one, erm, you're...

..really nice.

Ah, come on! Jesus Christ, nah, that's too much!

You're funky! No, I'm not. Come on.

Your trousers are so big,

but in a cool rap way.

Ah, no, they're not, come on.

When you laugh, you lift up your chin up.

No, I don't! Come on!

Oh, God!

DINA! Oh, she went with Carole.

Damn.

Go to the one across the road, this one's crap.

W-w-who?

Excuse you? Oh! Excuse you?

Hey, Stath, you good, man?

Cem? You all right? What's this?

Cem,

you gave me a pound?

Do you owe me a pound? Nah, man,

I just wanted to drop by and put something nice in your hand.

Thank you, Cem.

As a young father, I appreciate the offering of respect.

And I hope things are blessed with American lets,

but to be completely honest with you, man,

what are you doing here, man?

Oh, I moved agency. And the new place I'm working for,

they wanted me to come down

and tell people your shop is crap so no-one would come in.

Crick. What's the name of this agency, Cem?

It's Live Love Lets. Bare young guy and his wife,

it's a family situation.

OK, so you come to my shop - that's cool,

that's fine. People come to shops all the time.

We stand outside the shop, you give me a compliment about my hand -

I appreciate that.

But then you tell me you've been telling people my shop's crap.

OK? That is when things changed.

So what I'm gonna ask from you now, Cem, is just for

a l-i-ittle bit of respect.

I'm trying. I didn't want to do it,

but I just suggested it

and they just thought it was such a good idea.

You suggested it?! Call your bosses, man!

Call them, Live Love Lets.

More like "Get Upset".

What do you want me to say?

Tell them I've got a daughter AND I've had enough.

Hi, yeah, hi, G. G?!

Yeah, he says I can't do it any more

because he's got a daughter and he's had enough. Yeah.

Yeah, they said they don't care about your daughter.

About Dina?!

OK, well, tell them

I'm going to beat them up now

because I have to. Huh.

Yeah, he said he's gonna beat you up.

He says he gonna beat you up too.