Dark Cuts: A Thriller Anthology

Here comes your little diaper change.

Oh come on.

Come on baby.

How am I going to change you squirming around like that.

Yes.

You think it's funny.

You think it's so funny.

Yes you do.

Yea

you think it's funny.

It's gonna get better.

I could just take on more shifts.

We hardly see you as it is.

I know.

Look...

We do this once,

we do it once!

She'll never know.

Jesus Christ.

Baby

if I can go in there lactating

then you

you can fucking do this. Okay.

You can fucking do this, baby.

I love you.

Come on baby.

Fuck.

She's fucking crazy.

Okay.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Come on baby. Come on baby!

Come on baby.

Go, go, go, go, go!

Drive baby, drive!

What happened there?

What the fuck was that?!

What was that?

Take a right here! Take a right here!

What the fuck are you doing? Why are you turning left?

Why the fuck

I got it! I got it!

You don't got it!

Well that was easier than I thought.

Baby, why in the fuck did you fire your fucking gun.

That was the one thing

I didn't mean to fire my gun, it just went off okay?

It's adrenaline, and I'm in there

That was the one thing was the fucking gun is what I told you!

How do you rob a bank without a gun?

How would you do that?

You're fucking insane. You know that? You're insane.

Are you fucking serious Seth?!

Nobody is hurt and I am fine. Okay.

Why didn't you come inside?

What...

I'm sorry baby.

Yea...

I know.

God fucking damnit, I knew it.

What?

Fuck.

Take it easy baby.

We're good.

He's drivin...

We're just drivin...

Just take it easy.

Baby, this is not fucking good.

Fuck.

Well, shit.

It's fine.

You're just a big teddy bear. You know, smile.

Turn off the engine.

License and registration.

Got that?

Yea, I got it babe.

Here you go.

You know why I pulled you over?

Aww, you just think I'm so pretty and you wanted to say 'hey!'.

Hey...

You're tailight.

It's busted.

I'm gonna write you a ticket.

Get it fixed.

Yes sir officer.

Stay here.

Seriously baby, you gotta relax, okay?

Gimme the gun.

What?

Jess, give me the gun.

No.

Give me the gun.

No.

Jess, give me the gun.

Get out of the car with your hands on top of your head.

Get out of the car with your hands on your head.

Do it now!

What are you doing baby?

It's okay.

Stay in the car.

I'm not going to ask again!

I'm coming out!

No!

Don't do it!

No!

No!

Passenger get out of the vehicle!

Goddamnit!

Okay...

Here's your ticket.

You got thirty days to get that fixed.

Absolutely officer.

You have a good day.

You too sir.

Surprise!

I'm so sorry.

Happy Birthday.

Oh my god, Dan! - Yeah.

How the hell did you get in here?

I cracked the back window when I slept over last night.

I know it's a little bit extra, but

I wanted to sweep you off your feet.

Okay, check it out, check it out.

So I took care of everything tonight, so

you can just sit back and chill.

TADA.

Okay, so I made cajun-style pork chops,

pink and bloody, just the way you like.

And I got that red velvet cake from Porto's.

Actually, the cake was supposed to be a

surprise, so just forget I mentioned the cake.

We got the champagne for

the lady and nonalcoholic beer.

We got roses, we got candles, beautiful pictures of us.

Birthday dinner, birthday girl. Happy birthday.

Shit.

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit,

shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

Shit! Oh, my God!

Okay, so I feel like I fucked this up.

Let's just like start over.

I'll jump back in the closet, and then, like, surprise.

What did you do to my kitchen?

Well, not to brag, but I cleaned it.

It's looking pretty good in here.

Did you see the cake? - You need to go.

You need to leave.

You need to leave right now.

Okay, Iris, look, I'm sorry if I freaked you out

but I just wanted to do something

special for you for your birthday.

Where's... where is my salt?

No shade, but you tend to get just a little

bit uptight, sometimes, and I love that about you.

You're tough.

You don't take shit from anybody.

But I was thinking maybe I could help you,

like, lighten up today just a teensy bit.

First of all, I am not uptight, okay?

I am super fucking fun when I want to be fun, okay?

And secondly, where is my salt, Dan!?

On the table. - Okay. Okay.

But I promise you're not going to need that.

I seasoned those pork chops to perfection.

Dan, you need to listen to me very carefully.

This is not a joke.

I cannot do this with you tonight, okay? Right now.

I am not asking.

I am telling.

Get out.

No. You know what?

Hey! - We're gonna talk about this.

Give it back!

Yeah, tell me what's going on.

Tell me what is going on with you. What is wrong?

What is going on? Iris!

Tell me the truth.

What is it? Is it me?

Am I not, like, a real possibility for you?

No!

No, I told you when we met that

I can't handle anything serious with anyone.

Yeah, but it's been six months already and

fuck, Iris, it is serious for me.

You barely even know me.

I do know you!

I know that your favorite ice cream flavor is coffee.

Oreo, which is really strange, but really fucking cute.

I know that in another life, you were

a bluegrass singer with a mysterious past.

I know that when you wake up in the

morning, you twitch your nose like a chipmunk.

And every time I see it, it

makes me weirdly happy to be alive.

I wouldn't change anything about you.

You're perfect.

This is over. I'm sorry.

Hmmm.

Do you love me?

Dan, I am begging you, please!

Just a simple yes or no, and then I'll go.