Mamochka

Where do you want this?

In the fucking garbage.

Are you sure?

I had to wear these things

just so everyone would think I was crying,

otherwise god forbid, they might think

I'm a cold bitch.

Honestly honey, who gives a flying fuck

what anybody thinks, okay?

We know the situation, they don't,

but having said that,

this is like, all she had left.

You don't wanna keep this?

It's creepy and I hate it, throw it out.

At the end of the day she was your mother.

Maybe we can sell it, buy a nice coffee table,

remember her that way.

I'm gonna put this up here for now.

Look, I don't think you should be

this negative about her around him.

We know how she was but we can't teach him

to just shit on family.

Those sunglasses may be his coffee table one day.

I know you're right,

coffee table comment ain't selling it though.

You really think this thing could be worth something?

God, I forgot how much this thing

creeped me out as a kid.

All right, look, it's not going on a pedestal

in the living room.

You wanna jump in the shower first?

No, you go.

I'll get the cash ready for the sitter.

Ow.

Hey buddy, is everything all right?

What's going on here, kiddo?

They're protecting me.

Protecting you from what?

From the monster.

All right, I think maybe you should

play a different kind of game, okay?

You want some ice cream?

Yeah.

Listen, you gotta make me a deal,

since I can't have sugar,

you've gotta have two ice cream sandwiches

not just one, deal?

Deal.

All right, let's go.

Love you, daddy.

I love you too, buddy.

So, what flavor are you gonna have?

Uh, I want cookies and cream and...

I'm too old to be doing this shit outside.

I mean, at 14 fine, but hiding outside to smoke a joint?

I mean, I work for a living, this is my house.

But if Sarah gets the slightest whiff of this

I will never hear the end of it.

It's not a big deal.

What the fuck is happening to this world?

I used to spend half an hour

putting drops in my eyes before coming home

and now my daughter is the resident narc.

You got a good one on your hands, don't complain.

You sure she doesn't mind babysitting tonight?

You're not making her do it, right?

Oh god, no.

Good for her.

I never would have done any shit like that

as a teenager, too lazy.

She's saving up money

to go to Mexico this summer with her friends

as a last hurrah before college.

Yeah, she's also working part time

at that gluten free bagel shop in town.

She's always bringing home weird shit from there.

Yeah, I shouldn't say that actually,

some of it's actually good.

I'm proud of her though.

She's very responsible.

May I present you with this little token

of our esteem.

Brian.

For me?

Brian.

Just a little going away present.

Hey, I know you're gonna be a good boy

and you're gonna listen to me, right?

Sarah, what the fuck?

I've been out here, there's bugs and shit.

Sarah.

Come on.

I've been out here for like half an hour.

Sarah.

Where the hell are you?

I got beer.

Okay, that's Derek.

He's gonna help me with my homework.

So, you can stay in this room

and you can watch TV, okay?

Okay.

Come on.

Stop.

Okay, stop, stop.

Get off.

What the fuck?

I told you to get off.

I was trying to.

That's not funny.

God, you're a fucking jerk.

I'm bored and buzzed.

I don't understand what you want me to do about that

because I'm working.

I'm babysitting.

There's a kid here.

The kid's in his room watching cartoons.

Come on.

Fine.

I'll go break the seal.

Yeah, you go do that.

Why don't you jerk off while you're in there, huh?

Let out some steam.

You know, I think I will.

God, I need a new boyfriend.

Hey, remember to clean up after yourself.

Okay now.

Dr. Holmes, it seems there are no snacks in here.

Indubitably, Mr. Watson.

What we need is the snack pantry.

Chocolate milk.

Goldfish.

Graham crackers.

Tuna fish, ew.

Granola bars.

Graham crackers.

Butter cookies, apple juice, ow.

Brian.

Brian.

Only real complaint I have

is that idiot boyfriend of hers.

I mean, but at 17, if you don't have an idiot boyfriend,

are you really doing it right?

I married mine.

I trust her though, she'll do the right thing.

How is Mark?

He's fine.

Think he's having some kind of midlife crisis thing.

He seems bored.

Well, he's middle aged, he hates his job.

If he wasn't having some sort of midlife thing,

he'd be a fucking idiot.

Ha ha ha ha.

Is Steve the same way?

He was, and then he got really into

collecting baseball cards.

Yeah, yeah.

And now I'm the one who's bored.

Yeah, I hope yours gets a better hobby.

Me too.

I really do.

Can we at least put on a movie or something?

Now you're asleep?

You've gotta be fucking kidding me.

Worst date ever, and I'm not doing your job for you.

Kid, you're on your own.

I just wanted to play.

Are you scared?

Dale is always up in my business.

I told him like, you gotta,

you gotta go on your own things.

Right, right, what's his problem?

Business, 'cause you're failing yourself

and I'm doing okay.

Shouldn't you be at home mourning or some shit?

Are you kidding?

She hated her mother.

I mean, I tried to get 'em to get along

but you know what made it really hard?

What?

I really fucking hated her too.

She was nasty.

No friends, no one.

She was from Ukraine, right?

Yeah, yeah as a matter of fact, that's how we met.

My dad was talking to me.

She thought he was speaking Ukrainian

but it was Polish.

Same difference.

It's two different countries.

Different flags, different religions.

They're Eastern Orthodox.

And you're Catholic, right?

I'm not anything, just don't tell my mother.

Okay, Mr. Cajewski.

Well, my parents live in North Carolina.

Cheers to that.

I told Patsy, never you mind,

just forget the whole damn thing.

It's not even worth your,

they come to my facility, use my toilet paper,