Stath Lets Flats

Get the heck out my life, stranger! Katia, I'm driving.

Are you going for lunch, and if so, can I come with you?

Are you on a date? Oh, no, not that.

Course it wasn't a date! What was he thinking?

We're done.

And can I ask how you came to have met each other?

Kurt, if you want to answer that question.

Yeah, erm, well, we studied psychology together at uni.

Ah, right. Graduated last month. So, yeah.

Right. Living together. Just you know. Yeah.

Yeah, well, if you can call it living, with these two zombies.

Ah-AHH! Ha ha ha, Harrison!

LIGHT CHUCKLING

You said something to them.

Did you hear what he said?

Whoa, careful! My knees!

It's the craziest room in the world...Cup final.

1998!

I should have explained, I should have explained,

I'm going out tonight with my friends

so I'm just getting into the mood of talking to men.

OHHH!

None of you said "oh" to it. Ow!

Cos I'm actually single freedom, to be honest.

I'm alone. I'm alone. I'm alone, I'm alone I'm alone.

You guys don't even need the kitchen so much

because you're gonna be getting... Three two one.

Take away pizza!

LAUGHTER Yeah, yeah!We're boys, yeah.

It may look like a two-bed flat

but there are three beds,

cos this long chair has a bed inside.

It's literally just a click-in bed that you just click out

at the click of a... at the click of a bed.

Oh, that's perfect, actually.

Wow, nice one.

Ahhh, that's the stuff.

Er... FYI, we're actually looking for a two-bed.

Yeah, cos we're together, so...

Oh, you're together!

My Dad's actually with...

Do you know Steven?

I know A Steven. That's him!

Oui by Jeremih

She will poo seconds after eating.

She's got a gullet like a gun! Haven't you?

Yeah, yeah, and when you wash her and her hair gets wet, you know,

she does look well different, OK?

But don't panic, you just gotta take deep breaths

and say, "It's still her." That's what I do. Do you?

GURGLING Right, I'm off.

I know the things. I did everything when you're born.

Touch your poo, scratch you to sleep.

Yeah, you did!

What you doing with my sweetybabygirly tonight,

my Daddy? We're celebrating Steven's birthday.

We're having a dinner where we quietly bite the food.

Omelette with big rice!

Oh, happy birthday, Steven.

AL SNEEZES

Ohhh, boy!

Dina, look at these fellas!

Daddy's goin' out on the push, goin' out on the push...

Doh! THEY CHORTLE

OK, boys, your mission...

OK, boys. Your mission. Yes.

One, crawl to the pubs.

Two, be mates.

And three, answer me this for damn sake.

# Do you wanna kiss da girls and a-make dem cry-y? #

Mama mama!

Honestly, yeah, I'm looking forward to some laddish convos.

You know, snog, snogging... I mean, why, why, wwwhy not?

Blerdy Gerdy! Snog-dog or what with this one, innit?

Snog Dog? That best have kept moving out my life when it left your mouth.

DOOR BINGS

SULTRY GUITAR AND KEYS

OK, Sophie, get what you need and then let's go,

I'm already twerking.

And I am, too. What do you need?

I don't know really, yeah.

Katia just wanted Stath to see her look so sexy.

Come on, chica! What's going on, Katia?

How you doing? You OK?

Me and Sophie are going to club to get krunk up.

Girls' night, no diggy-doubt.

Are you OK?

Nice look, you got nice look.

Oh, no! It's Al.

No worries.

Heard you're going to the club, erm, yeah, hope you blitz it up.

I don't if I actually like to blitz things up.

I think I just like to tell a joke on the sofa.

Er, what is that?

Trousers or long water?

Ugh. Sophie, let's go.

Are you having a mad one tonight, Carole?

Oh, erm, yeah,

I'm having a night in with my sister, Kris.

We're doing a girls' one too.

Do you want to come? We could be girls together,

and we could watch each other flirt with some people.

Pff! Sorry, I shouldn't laugh.

Kris manages a Zara, so I don't think you'll be up to the chat.

Mother!

You just got invited out by Dina's funniest auntie in the world, man.

'Ave a laugh! You should go!

Be flirty party. Innit. Oh, my God.

I'm gonna end up going if you keep saying I should go.

CHUCKLES

Well, if you keep twisting my arm. All right, yeah, OK!

I'll go for a boogie, I'll just text, erm, Kris,

tell her I'm going out. Where we going?

Vodka Demons. Oh, my God...

All right, listen, let's go, I wanna be in bed by eight.

It's 8:15...

Buck Rogers By Feeder

# He's got a brand new car

# It's got a CD player

# Player player player player player player...

# But I don't wanna talk about it any more. #

I'm not sharing one pint.

Yeah, share and share your life, innit? Between all of us.

We'll just have sips of it, innit? Sips! Sips! Sips!

Sips! Sips! Sips!

Absolute devastation. I'm getting this, just get whatever. No, no,

I'm getting them, I'm getting them. You're right.

How many pints do you want, then? One! Each?

Yes! Well, that makes sense to me.

All right. I didn't know what you wanted exactly.

Thank you so, so much for this, Stath. It means the world,

I can't believe it, I'm never gonna forget it.

Look at that.

This guy. It's like he comes from the mountains or something,

with his words. No... Come on.

All right. So, shall we do this, the cheers?

OK, so how does it work? We touch the glass on each other

like, "Cheers." That's all right, innit?

He should know, spends enough bloody time here! Ha ha ha!

Er, to a night from heaven.

To a night...

Oh.

You should have told me not to do that, man.

Oi!

This is the first time we get naughty on the streets together,

and you invite the king bitch? Shh!

Stath said she's lonely.

No, what you've done is you've emotionally assaulted me,

OK?

No, you don't beg me for a night in

and then think I won't track your phone when you pull out.

Carbs? Hold that. Kri... Kris! Hello?

Kris! Kris, hi, I'm here. Oh, God. Sorry, sorry,

Bad sister, number one. So I didn't think you'd come, Kris.

You look lovely. Well, here I am. Thank you.

Look, the club's a bit D-list, don't think you'd like it.

Took me 15 minutes to get here,

you think I'm just going all the way back again? I don't think so.

So, what I thought we could do...

Treat for you.

..is go Scaglo's. Love Scaglo's.

You've never been. Dreamt about it.

You're gonna need to get changed, because... Yeah. Yeah.

What's happened to your hair? Yeah, no, I just, like,

it's been windy. But the wind's made it greasy.

Yeah, no, it does that.

OK, let's go Scaglo, it's a members' club. Yeah.

I can sign you in. Ooh, lush.

Member of a shit! Bye, Carole.

Who? Who, though? Who could you be?

Er, yeah, that's...

Well, Dina's dad's sister.

Erm... She's a post woman.

Get a grip, Caroline.

Were you gonna pretend you didn't know your mates or something? No.

Hello, ladies. Hello.

Would you like to go somewhere a little bit special

for a dance and a glass? Yeah.

Cards on the boujee table... I will be a laugh.

Uh, Steven.

Yeah?

Happy Birthday.

Can I celebrate you?

Look under the large milk.

Oh, my God.

SOFT GASP

It's a cake,

five pounds,

and the music wires.

Your three favourite.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

Gold by Kiiara

Yeah, it's actually where Carole Vorderman comes.

Is these olives for free?

I bring my own pork.

To knowing each other well!

Ohhh! Belter!

Oww!

They know I love my fizz here! Cham-bain of my life!