Survival of the Thickest

- Eyes closed. - Oh my God.

I feel like I'm on an episode of Fear Factor.

Do I have to eat a spider for money?

Okay. Ready?

- Uh-huh. Ooh, it smells good. - Mm-hmm. Open your eyes.

Aw, you made breakfast.

These are some post-sex lemon bars.

Oh! I love that.

- Um… - Oh.

I mean, I guess they're a little… wet. Um…

Yeah. Um…

- Soggy. - It's okay.

It's all good 'cause, like,

Paul Hollywood can't be Paul Hollywood all the time, you know what I mean?

- - Yo, knock knock. It's me.

Yo, I hope you decent.

- Khalil? - Yo, we need to talk.

What? What is going on?

- What's up, man? - What up, fam?

D… Hey. I've been calling you all night. Why haven't you been pickin' up?

I have been busy getting a little busy, obviously. What's up?

Excuse us, Officer.

Yeah, man.

What's up?

Look, Mave. Uh, Luca… wasn't in town just for the wedding.

He lives here now.

What?

Hey. Um…

Hey, Trey. Um…

Your ex lives here now.

Your walls are thinner than a Triscuit.

Okay. Well, a Triscuit's kind of, like, a thicker cracker, but okay. Whatever. Um…

- I don't know. I think I just need, like… - You just need some space. It's all good.

- I'll call you later. - All right. I'll see you later.

Bye.

Khalil? I feel sick.

I feel like I wanna be sick right now.

- Oh my God. - What? What's happening?

It's Luca. He's texting me right now. What, is he watching us?

Did he bug this place? I knew that Italian nigga was in the Mob.

What am I supposed to do?

It feels like my whole world is upside down right now, okay?

He lives… He lives here? And he's texting me?

Just take a breath, okay?

But if he moved here, does that mean that he wants to get back with me?

If it were me,

I wouldn't put this effort in if I wasn't trying to get together.

He was my person.

You know?

He was the first and last thought of every day,

and… and… anything that happened,

it felt like it didn't happen unless I told him about it.

And, um…

I missed him a lot.

Like, a lot.

But I had to get over it…

and just cry myself to sleep.

I cried myself to sleep a lot.

Damn, Mave, I…

I didn't know you felt all that.

Hey, maybe he's here 'cause he realizes he made a mistake.

Because he did.

What's up, Nala? It's not a good time.

My bad, Mavis. I would not have called,

but the new Charles Renee shipment is in, and they got all the wrong sizes.

The tag says 2X, but it's givin' 12.

What are you talking about?

I just maxed out the company credit card on those dresses.

- Is this a joke? - Are you freaking out?

If you freak out, I'mma freak out. I'm an empath.

Yes, I know you're an empath! I'll be there as soon as I can.

So which one of you motherfuckers said I had image issues?

Everyone, this is Marley, my girlfriend.

Marley, this is Shirley, my campaign manager,

and Brad, her assistant.

- Hello, Ms. Williams. - Hello.

So I'm responsible for helping Daphne achieve her goals.

- Mm-hmm. - I'm gonna cut to the chase.

This outfit is, what, $12,000?

I didn't know I was on The Price is Right.

But the price is wrong. It's 19.

With the bag.

Well, we're gonna need you to dress a little less extravagantly so that,

by extension, Daphne doesn't seem elitist.

So you want a Walmart bitch?

Yo, Simone, this silence is killing me, okay? You gotta…

You gotta say something. What do you think?

I love it.

It's new and exciting and… gorgeous.

Girl, you had me… nervous over here.

I was more nervous than a white politician with blackface photos.

Can you please come and explain this piece to me?

Yeah, yeah, of course, of course.

All right, so… one of my friends just got married recently,

and she's Black and trans…

Okay.

…and, you know, I was just thinking about

everything she's had to go through.

You know, not just for her to find love but

just who she truly is.

I just wanted this piece to feel…

boundaryless, like her,

which is… Come here.

I let the color, like, spill over the border.

Mm-hmm.

We have to show this at the Emerging Black Artists exhibit.

I mean, it's incredible.

- What? - Yes! Yes.

Simone, that's dope. Thank you. Thank you.

Oh my… That's crazy.

And you might wanna keep thanking me

because

I sold two more of your pieces.

Mm-hmm.

For 10K.

You changin' my life.

Your boy's sellin', and he's showin'!

- Oh my God. Thank you. Thank you. - Of course.

- God, thank you. - Of course.

You're welcome.

Mm.

But we can't do this, right?

It gotta just stay right here?

'Cause it's about the…

it's about the art.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

I don't get involved with my artists.

- Hi! - Hi!

Welcome to Château de Renee.

Oh, thanks. My name is Mavis Beaumont.

Where is Charles Renee?

Oh, Charles actually doesn't speak French.

Sure. Freedom fries only. Okay, okay, okay.

Um… Well, I would like to speak to Charlie, please,

because the inventory that I purchased is not what I expected, so… is he in?

Um… No?

No?

No.

So would he not be over there?

No.

Definitely not make a left and then make a right?

- Definitely not. - Thank you so much.

It's good. I like it.

Hi, Mr. Renee. I'm Mavis Beaumont. I'm a stylist.

I'm actually a plus-size stylist

that you invited to sit in the front row

of your, um… premiere launch of your plus-size line.

Here's the thing with your plus-size line though.

Um…

It's not really plus size.

And I spent a lot of money I don't have because, yay, capitalism.

And, um… the extended sizes,

they really just don't extend. They don't even extend over me.

- I'm sorry, you said you were a stylist? - Yes, I'm a stylist.

Right, right, right.

Well, see, that is the difference between you and me

because designers use a high-fashion size trend.

As far as the invite goes, well, I have people to do that.

Um… Look. I agreed to sell Charles Renee, and this is not Charles Renee.

And I do realize how weird it is to say Charles Renee

when I'm talking to Charles Renee, but… I'm gonna need a "refundé."

Ooh, Charles Renee don't do refunds.

Then I'm gonna have to call my lawyer.

Oh, that's great. That's great. Hey, Greta, be expecting a phone call from

the law offices of Pretend, Not Real, and Lies.

Thank you.

And how do you spell lies?

For fuck's sake, Greta! You don't know how to spell lies?

They didn't teach you that in House of Dragon School?

- Yo, yo. - Hey, baby.

See any more packages for me downstairs?

No, not that I saw, but I do have some good… news though.

- Mm-hmm. - What is all of this?

What is this? Why is Morgan Freeman all lit up, mean-mugging me?

What did you expect him to do, narrate? I ain't got no penguins.

Are you serious?

I give you $10,000, and this is how you spend it?

A… a… a… a… a… a… nail station? Gold luggage?

Now, that is for my Disney cruise. Moana's my bitch.

We talked about this. I thought you was gonna be more responsible this time.

Khalil, what do you expect me to do? You only gave me half the money.

Ma, I got the other half.

That's what I came to tell you.

Oh, well, my bad, my bad. I didn't know you were gonna get it.

You know what? All this going back.

- Uh-uh. - That's right, all of it.

All this shit is goin' back

'cause the last thing I need is both of my parents in prison.

And keep them boxes. You gonna pack all this shit up.

You don't even drink coffee. Why you got an espresso machine?

I can start.

- Bye. - Bye.

So Daphne's team says no designer labels, no expensive fabrics,

basically nothing that Kelly Rowland would wear in a Tyler Perry movie.

They gon' have me looking like somebody who'd ride a Citi Bike.

Oh, Mea Culpa . Did you know that also means "my bad" in Italian?

I'm pretty sure that's Latin.

So you sell two paintings, and all of a sudden, you're Rosetta Stone.

Okay, Anthony Bourdain, I see you.

Don't pay her no mind. She got Luca on her brain.