Dina Hashem: Dark Little Whispers - First Season

Let's give it up right now for Dina Hashem!

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- Hey. Uh... Everyone, wow! -

You guys seem so nice and fun. That's great.

My vibe up here is usually kinda like, tired, upset and confused. But uh...

you guys have like put me in a good mood.

- You're killing my vibes. -

I got older this morning, it just keeps happening.

Um...

There's no stopping it. I've tried all the creams.

So I have to think about annoying stuff, you know, kids and marriage and all that.

Does anyone have kids here? Clap if you...

- Okay. Um... -

I was gonna ask if you regret it, but you sound happy about it.

- Is it going well? - Yeah, I like it.

You like 'em? Okay, cool. I mean, love would be good.

- But like is good as well. -

My brother is older than me. He and his ex wanted to have a kid.

And then they found out that she couldn't have kids.

But it's okay, 'cause you know, technology now is such that

they can mix up their, you know, potion of life and...

give it to someone else and they can have a child for them

and that's beautiful, so...

They pitched this idea to me.

Not a joke. This is real life.

They asked if I would bear their child for them.

Oh, don't worry, I didn't because of this reaction...

I know everything goes very quiet when I tell people that.

I'll be honest, I was considering it just because, I don't know,

I kinda think the best part about having a kid might be the pregnant belly.

That's kind of all I want.

All of the attention, none of the responsibility.

Everyone coming up to me for nine months, like,

"Oh, my God, do you need anything? Do you want my seat?

When are you due? Congratulations!"

And then I get to be like, oh, no, it's my brother's.

I'll be drinking too. Like, don't worry.

- It's already fucked up. Don't worry. -

Uh, I grew up in a very repressive family, you know?

I just grew up feeling like,

I didn't know something that everybody else knows.

I felt particularly behind about like, sex and my body and stuff.

But... it's cool.

- I feel connected to men in that regard. -

Like... yeah. Like...

I don't know what's going on, they don't know what's going on.

- Let's find the clit together. -

He's like, "Is that it?" I'm like, "Your guess is as good as mine."

"Well, does it feel good?"

No, but that doesn't mean anything.

I was with a guy once.

He was also still learning about the female body.

That made me feel good.

He was about to go down there, you know,

with his face of all things.

And right before he did, he looked me dead in the eyes and said...

- "I'm not scared of anything." -

I was like, "Okay?

- It's not a haunted house." -

- Is that dirty talk? I don't know. -

I don't know what he saw down there, but it spooked him.

I'm lying. I know exactly what he saw.

- I am covered in hair. I always have been. -

I was very insecure about it when I was younger.

Um... like, I remember in high school

all the boys started saying this phrase.

"If there's grass on the field, play ball."

- - Did you guys have that?

You can figure out what it means. If not...

If there's heh on the heh, put it in.

Them is the rules.

And so, I had to be like...

But if the grass is too long do they cancel the game?

No one cancels the game, right? Rain or shine.

My dad, uh, lived in the Middle East my whole life,

in the Middle East.

He left when I was very young, but you probably figured that out.

If you see a woman holding a microphone, her dad is gone.

- Dada, can you find me now? -

Does the amplification help?

I know it's not a very feminist thing to say.

It applies to men too, but, you know...

men have problems. We like to act like they don't.

But men have problems too, right?

In fact, clap if you're a straight white man, right now, please.

- Clap if you're... Thank you. Yeah. -

Did it feel nice to be heard, right there?

It's not a good time for you, right?

You guys can't say anything without getting yelled at.

- It's funny. It's pretty funny. -

But it's wrong. No, it's wrong. I think it's wrong.

I'm on your side, actually.

I want you to remember that for when you regain power.

You will. The tides are turning. We all see it.

But you know, you guys, I feel like you're afraid to like,

say how you feel about some stuff.

I feel like there's a mutually beneficial solution for us.

I kinda want to start one of those like, dollar a minute sexy hotlines

for you guys. You know, like,

"Are you a straight white man

with some naughty opinions?..."

...call 1-800-ME-THREE."

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And then you can call and be like, "Yes, I, uh...

...I still think Woody Allen is funny."

Like, "Ooh, you're bad! Tell me more.

How about Kevin Spacey?"

It's a very interesting time to be alive. A lot of competing ideologies

getting thrown out into the world.

Uh, like the anti-patriarchy movement. That's something.

A lot of people, just uh, don't like powerful men.

I think it's interesting that this movement is happening

at the same time

as the superhero movie industrial complex.

They don't really match, ideologically, you know.

I don't know. People are like, "We hate powerful men."

And Marvel is like,

"I'll bet you a billion dollars you don't."

Um...

I don't know. Yeah, it's crazy times.

I don't mean to get into politics this early, um,

but let's do a little softball question just to get the temperature of the room.

Did anyone vote for Trump in here?

Did anyone vote for Trump? Clap.

Well, that's okay. I did. Uh...

...I did vote for him.

But only because I have to vote

for anybody who will keep my dad out of the country.

Yeah, in some parts of the country people clap for that for the wrong reason.

- - They're like, "Yeah, Muslim ban."

I'm just tired of the division in this country.

Aren't you tired of it? I'm bored.

I'm so bored of it. It's so predictable. And I don't believe it.

I don't believe we're all as different as we like to think.

I think we're just like,

you know, told to fight each other so that we don't like,

unite with our common interests.

'Cause I travel everywhere. I talk to a lot of people.

And, I don't know. I kinda think the main difference

between conservatives and liberals, is, I think conservatives

just like a guy like Trump, you know?

I think they just like a conman. Like an honest, straight up,

in your face, this is what I am, conman.

Whereas liberals...

like more of a con artist.

They're not called the Liberal Arts for nothing, you know?

Just a softer touch as we're being fucked. Is that so much?

- Just put a little lube on it, that's all. -

They're not "kid cages." They're "migrant detention facilities."

We're probably the most medicated country in the world.

We all need some drug or other. I like weed. Weed's a good drug.

It's not even really a drug anymore, right?

It's candy. Give it to your kids. Who cares?

I am a little bit addicted to weed, just to go to sleep at night, I realized.

I don't know if anyone needs weed to turn off their consciousness,

but I haven't slept raw, in years.

Whenever I try to sleep without weed I just wake up in the middle of the night

with some fucked up thought, like,

"Oh, I've never cried tears of joy before."

- Is that odd? -

So, the weed turns all... all that off. That's good.

And I need to sleep, so I need the weed. I love sleep too much.

Do you guys love sleep?

- Ugh, oh, it's the best. - Whoo!

I love sleep so much that...

I wish I could be awake for it.

- You know what I mean? -

I do like weed. Um...

I grew up in a Muslim family so it was even harder to get away with

smoking weed then. I had to like, hide it.

It's very hard to be a good Muslim when you're a stoner.