Doom Patrol

What the f...

- Lar. - Jane?

I just had the craziest dream.

You were there.

Vic was there, fucking Willoughby was there...

And I...

I was a fucking baby.

Oh, it was all real.

The parties, the pool, getting turned into a baby.

You were a fussy, little stinker, too.

I was starting to get worried you'd be stuck like that.

I've been big for hours.

Sorry, that sounded weird.

Then Willoughby... He reversed the spell.

I guess he made it to pound town after all.

Good for him.

But it looks like he reversed the spell a little extra for you.

There was an evil bunny.

It took my longevity!

That Dickensian dickwad double-crossed us.

That means that Immortus is about to wipe their ass with our reality.

Where is everyone?

Where... we... we have... we have to stop this.

- We have to get my longevity back. - Can't.

I'm in the middle of putting in an 850 Holley double pumper.

What?

This is code-fucking-red!

- Hey! - Look at my hair!

I feel like shit!

My chest hurts.

It's just acid reflux. Welcome to middle age.

Are you serious right now?

What if I'm fucking dying?

You wouldn't be the only one.

Look, I'm sorry I left you when I did.

If it makes you feel any better

I didn't get very far before my brain went all goo-goo-gaga

and I drove into a ditch.

But when I turned back to normal, I went right back for you.

There you were, a little baby crying outside the pool center, all alone.

That's the kind of thing that sends a guy straight into dad panic.

Everything just snaps into focus.

I know you think I'm dealing with my Parkinson's like a champ

but trust me, a death sentence

never really leaves the top of your mind.

All I can think about is how much time I have left

to leave little Rory something to remember me by.

I hate to break it to you

but you don't just get to drop everything

because of some stupid epiphany.

That's not how this works!

As someone who's been staring death in the face for a while

take my advice.

Figure out what's left for you to do

and use every second you have left to do it.

'Cause this shit won't stop to wait for you.

You know what?

Fine.

Fuck you, too.

What's wrong with you, Pop Pop?

Relax. It's just me, Rory.

What the fuck?

I'm a little low on funds right now

but I'll get some money from somebody for gas.

And I'll mail you back your clothes once I've washed them.

You can keep the clothes, Vic.

I just... I know this isn't how you wanted to spend your Saturday.

- So, I mean... - It's fine.

But I gotta ask

of all the places on Earth you could have hid out

why my place? All the way in Detroit?

Look, man, it was a weird night, even for us.

It's not every day we get hit with a youth spell.

Transmutation magic, huh?

That's some level-nine sorcery shit.

Just another day in the life of a superhero.

Hey, I need to talk to Kay.

Look at my hair! Things are fucked!

I need to make sure she's safe!

What the fuck are you doing?

Kay gave everybody a puzzle.

So, you're just going to sit here and fuck off

while the Grim Reaper slobbers down our neck?

It's what the girl wants.

Yeah, and so did trauma.

Take it back.

You know, they're not the same.

Well, if Kay thinks

I'm gonna spend my last days on Earth doing a fucking puzzle

she's even crazier than I am.

You know what?

Fuck all this.

You want to roll over and die without a fight?

Be my guest.

I'm going out with a bang.

Smoke 'em if you got 'em, fuckwads!

God, the disrespect with these fucking creatures.

Did we sleep here all night?

Well, evidently, we turned to babies before the bus came.

So, either we were too small for the bus driver to see us

or the human race really is lacking in any common decency.

The good news is, obviously

the spell was reversed at some point.

But is there another bus coming? I'm ready to go home.

Home?

Well, what about what we talked about last night?

What about the mission?

I'm afraid that was just the virility of youth speaking.

All I want to do now is just lay down.

Maybe make some peanut brittle.

Oh, fuck your peanut brittle.

Here. That is not the Rita I know.

Get that coffee down you, and we will get your longevity back

and save the universe in the process.

Now, I have been thinking

Willoughby said that all of this is tied

to the Caulder Immortus Project, right?

Well, I suspect that someone in the Bureau

picked up where Caulder left off.

They found what he couldn't.

A way to actually conjure this Immortus.

Whatever the fuck it is.

Now, if we're going to stop this

we're going to have to go back to where this all began.

Now, hold on. You want to go to the Bureau?

Yeah.

After everything that happened to both of us.

You can't be serious.

Our friends are in danger, Rita

and we are heroes, are we not?

Fine.

Smashing. Now, how do we get in?

Why are you asking me?

Oh, 'cause you're the leader.

I am not in the mood to be patronized.

We both know where I stand with the team.

Oh, please. My promotion was simply what was needed

for one particular task, and it was a shite task at that.

Now, you know, if I'm honest, I would rather be a supporting role.

Hell of a lot less pressure.

So, what's the plan, boss?

What the hell is going on?

Where are you taking me?

Hey, buddy, now'd be a great time to...

I don't know, blast these guys into oblivion?

Not exactly the energy I'm looking for.

- Release him. - Rama.

He's my target. I'll bring him to The Sacrarium myself.

Thank god.

Let's get out of here.

We need to cut a portal back to Earth.

Did you just say "back to Earth?"

Where the hell are we?

A pocket dimension called Orqwith

and those are the Scissormen

its powerful but mindless custodians.

This way. The others sent them

because they felt I was taking too long, I imagine.

Taking too long to what?

To bring you here and extract your longevity.

That's the only thing that matters to them.

"Extract my longevity?"

Wait. Is that what happened to Rita?

What the hell is going on here, Rama?

You need to tell me exactly what Immortus is. Now.

Immortus is hope.

Look, each of us had some desperate wish

we'd all but given up on.

And then Immortus found us.

He showed each of us a vision

of the possibilities that lie before us.

He called upon us to usher him onto this plane.

And when he arrives, he will rewrite history

and make all our wishes come true.

You mean like a genie?

You're describing a genie.

Well, everyone has a wish.

Even you.

Perhaps to never again be separated from Keeg?

What makes you so sure Immortus even has that kind of power?

You know that temple we just saw?

The entire thing rose from the Earth

when Dr. Janice deposited Rita's longevity.

If that's not evidence of enormous power

I don't know what is.

I feel like I shouldn't have to tell you this

but when a bone temple spontaneously sprouts from the ground

it's not usually a good sign.

We all have to put our faith in something.

Then why did you just rescue me?

'Cause hurting people wasn't part of the plan.

I'm afraid in their zeal, the others have forgotten that.

You said, that you would help me find another way

to stabilize my molecules.

Did you mean it?

Of course.

Nobody has more experience

getting out of impossible situations than my friends and I.

After we stop Immortus, we'll help you.

I promise.