Hostel Daze

Someone stole the sodium nitrate again.

Next time I'll put acid in the bottle.

If they will try to steal it, their hands will burn.

You are Jhaatu right?

Why? Are you a barber?

Oh no, no, sir!

Sir, myself Kenneth Daniel from first year.

Everyone calls me Keeda in hostel.

I'm your huge fan, sir.

Your photo is used like a dick pic in our whatsapp group.

Sir I have heard that, that you have been slapped so much by the dean,

that he burnt his hands.

I have heard a lot about your and your group's scandals.

But Sir, you people are never seen together nowadays.

Students of third year live in hostel, not together.

Why are you lying sir?

There was a time you guys were so close, like an orgy.

In an orgy, you never know when you turn from the fucker to the fucked.

'I thought I'll make the hostel the Planet of the Apes in the third year.'

'But these Darwin's flatterers got evolved.'

'Like that Harambe Ankit.'

'After getting the girl, our DOPA showed us his real face.'

How do I look to you?

I feel like I'm seeing your for the first time.

Oh no.

What happened?

I knew that I would look like a dork in glasses.

Okay listen, we would have to stop meeting a bit.

We need to start preparing for the upcoming midterms.

Why do we have to stop meeting because of exams?

Firstly, we are never on the same page.

And whenever I ask you for pencil, you reply with "our marriage is cancel".

Akku, third year has started.

This is our last chance to explore and try new things.

Both will be occupied with placement preparations next year.

Please.

Okay.

But only if you promise,

that you will only download professor's notes and not 'hot professor's'.

'On one hand, this donkey was trying to become a unicorn,'

'and on the other side,'

'that hippopotamus was trying to make new friends and fit into shark tank.'

Mr. Jhaatu, we are board of members of the startup.

Not carrom board players, that it will be fun with 4 instead of 3 players.

First let the beta version of the app launch,

then we will give you the internship in company.

By the way, can you make good tea?

I can make a good horse too.

You are not beer, you are fruit beer. Anyone will drink and pee it.

How will you run the app without my expertise?

Then tell me, what is the USP of our app?

Casual sex.

Was it combined studies?

They are the same thing. We don't remember anything after doing it.

Did you get abused by Chirag?

Stop laughing and get lost.

'Where he became a poisonous snake who codes on python,'

'on the other hand Nabomita launched her new version as entering third year.'

Hi Nabomita, happy friendship day.

Sorry, Sunil Narayan. Actuall I don't wear friendship bands.

My skin is too sensitive. I get rashes.

-No? -No.

If no friendship band,

Shit, shit.. why do I make such mistakes. I'm so sorry Nabomita.

'The fare doll had become a Barbie.'

'And the jaat guy who used to sell scrap, started reading books.'

Jhaatu brother, I'll not be able to come play today.

I'm running a little late for my class according to my time table.

I have extra class after this class.

And then I have to complete classwork

and homework after watching a master class.

You class-ist, get lost.

You also break this Jai-Veeru's bonding.

You can't make a buffalo's tail turn into

a peacock's feather by putting it into a book.

Jhaatu brother, you are not Jai-veeru anymore,

you have become Prem uncle of hostel.

And anyway, no one wants to live in this hostel forever.

If I want to change my future after getting out,

then I have to change everything now.

Otherwise,If I fail,

my mornings would just be straws and Siddhu Moosewala's songs.

Any way, one Jhaatu is enough for this hostel.

I'm going to the classroom.

I don't know how I've wasted my 2 years with these fools?

But no more.

This year, I'll do something different.

He will. He will try to do something different.

He's in third year.

Look, in hostel the first year comes like a honeymoon period.

Full of excitement.

The juniors come in second year, so they feel better.

But in third year comes the hostel's mid-life crisis.

Like the candle flutters before extinguishing,

person trembles before dying,

engineer bubbles up after entering third year

to find a new experiment in their hostel life.

Someone gets in finding compassion in love,

or someone starts to find passion in life.

Someone gets a taste of studying for the first time, or the hiccup of politics.

Now, who is more serious in their experiment

differs from student to student.

But, let me tell you how serious they are about engineering.

Did you hear, the mass recruiter won't come this year.

Hello, Pinky. Say yes to Daddy. I'm ready to be a at-house son-in-law.

Hello, Mom? Your hearing problem can't be treated anymore.

Hello? Dr. Baldev Chaddha? What is the rate of 3 litre sperm in the market?

Ask brother to go to Thailand as a sister.

Hello? Are you from TVF?

Hello? Why are you not listening Mom?

If I don't become an engineer, I'll fuck you up before leaving campus.

I was just joking. Recruiter is coming.

He is coming.

Joking?

I'm sorry Sir. I respect you a lot, Sir.

Happy Teacher's Day, Sir.

Give this to a poor person from my side.

Thank you.

-There is Jhaatu. -Come on, come on.

Hold him. Hold. Hold.

You stole equipment from college's lab?

You Walter White. Today Sherdil brother will deal with you.

Oh God, who kept these in my bag, I didn't even know.

But I know.

Sorry Jhaatu sir, I'm a big fan of yours.

But I'm an even bigger fan of Sherdil brother.

And you know, when a bug goes into your butt, it pains a lot.

When bug goes into the butt, it doesn't pain.

So brother Sherdil was wrong?

Who is this Sherdil brother?

I'm Sherdil.

Boy's hostel's brother and girls hostel's... brother too.

There was a time,

when even the most strict police officer used to pee after looking my face.

I used to collect urine sample in the village's clinic.

There I learnt, you can know a man's health from his urine.

And by the look of you it feels that the whole hostel has diarrhea.

What is the point?

The main piece of information is described as a point.

Stop asking me unnecessary definitions and come to the point.

All your friends have left you and moved ahead.

Stop breastfeeding these snakes keeping them close to your chest.

You need to do something new.

Something that raises a storm in the whole hostel.

So come and join our party.

Storm, thunderstorm, holocaust, inferno.

The Adult Power Party. Tapatap Party.

-Tapa! -Tap!

-Tapa! -Tap!

-Tapa! -Tap!

Am I an interest that I'll just integrate with you?

You don't know me.

I not only know you but also all of your secrets.

Few years back, on the day of Diwali,

Hostel's boys were lighting bomb in their hands.

And to look cool there, you lit the bomb in your underwear.

After that incident, your pubes stopped growing.

And since then, people call you Jhaatu.

Sherdil brother, I'll work with you.

But outside this hostel...

Okay, outside this city, no one should know about this.

Please.

-You know how Jhaatu's name got Jhaatu? -Hey, stop.

He lit a bomb in his underwear and his pubes burnt down.

-His penis would also would have gotten away. -Stop, please.

Brother, please stop.

Please don't tell.

Asshole, stop.

Ankit, come on.

It's morning. Get ready for the class.

I'll be ready.

First you moan for a bit.

Okay.

Jaat, please switch it off.

Are you going to milk a buffalo this early in the morning?

You scared my sweet, cow-like Akanksha.

The Batman who used to stay all night, also got left by his girlfriend.

She was Rachel.

But she did end up with a lawyer only,

whose attendance was 100% in class.

You should also be regular in class. Your attendance is lagging.

You go and become Sundar Pichai.

I'm happy in chasing beauty.

Classroom is also a beauty. You should come and look sometime.

Hey, what are you guys laughing at?

Nothing, this girl Nabomita. She keeps sending us lame jokes.

Rohan, your new bike gives a mileage of 85 right?

How do you both know Nabomita?

She was in chemistry lab with us.

Since then we know that she is naturally unfunny.

But how sexy. Look at the model.

You know, in the last rain she fell in the gutter.

I picked her and took her home.

Your bike?

Nabomita.

You are right. She loses a little control and jumps on any guy.

Dilip, what nonsense you are talking?

Bro, I'm talking about his bike.

She might look high maintenance in photos,

but she's very common in real life.