Somebody Somewhere

Few quick things before lunch. Joel, raise your hand.

Joel is gonna be supervising Krista's team

while she's in recovery.

Don't forget to sign her card.

This afternoon, Larry's team's gonna meet with me in the annex

to go over the rubric for Ohio third grade,

so we can get a head start on that.

Lastly, e-cigarettes...

Hey...

Are you okay?

Yeah.

Sorry. I was just...

reading this little girl's essay,

and it wasn't even that sad,

you know?

It was just about...

teaching her little sister how to take her...

training wheels off her bike.

Must've been a good essay.

It was kinda mediocre, actually.

But it just got me.

It happens.

Sorry, I just...

I lost my sister six months ago, so I'm a little...

I know.

I'm so sorry about Holly.

She was a few years ahead of us, right?

I'm sorry, I didn't--

I didn't realize that we went to high school together.

We were in show choir together.

No, I... I knew I recognized you.

No, you didn't.

- I didn't. - It's all good.

A lot of people don't remember me.

Hey, if you wanna take off for the rest of the day,

I'll tell Irma you got diarrhea or something.

Yeah?

And it made me cry?

I guess that is kind of weird.

I'll think of something.

I can just leave?

You're free!

- Thank you. - Feel better.

- How's it going, Sam? - Hey, Ran-dog.

Hey...

- Did you know that Kayleigh Normandin wrote a book? - Yeah.

Everyone's freaking out 'cause it's about high school.

- Like, our years. - Oh shit.

So, uh, do we all get nailed or?

I just hope my DUI isn't in it.

Tammy doesn't know.

Do you think it's gonna be any good?

Yeah, I wouldn't worry about that.

You want a broken muffin?

Yes, I would.

Hey, Shannon, is your mom home?

Mom, it's Auntie Sam!

Hey, what are you doing tonight? - Nothin'.

Can I come over and look through Holly's clothes?

Dude, of course! Anytime. - Awesome.

- Here she is. - Hey, what's up?

Why didn't you tell me Kayleigh Normandin wrote a dumb book?

Yeah, I mean, I don't know, because I--

'cause I don't care? I don't have time to talk right now.

I'll just call you back, okay? Bye.

You know what? Don't worry about it.

I'll just see you at Mom and Dad's.

What the fuck?!

Oh, I'm sorry. The...

I have the same car.

My mistake. Fuck!

Aren't you gonna move into Aunt Holly's room?

I don't know. I'm kinda used to the couch.

I love this one.

That was just last year.

You know, I keep trying to go through her stuff,

and I get kinda stuck.

Oh my god. Manic Panic? Can we?

Fuck yeah, we can.

Oh my god.

I love that smell. Smell it.

You know what?

I don't know, my mom might kill me.

Well...

- We could do just the tips. - Yeah, just the tips.

- Yeah, just the tips! - Just the tips!

- You know not to fall for that, right? - Sam, I know!

Okay, I'm just checkin'.

I don't need gloves for this shit, do I?

- You're good. - Okay.

You know that says

- "Lez Zeppelin"? - Yeah,

- and it's bad-ass, right? - Yeah, it is.

Check me out.

- You look fierce. - Hm.

- Look at those guns! - Yeah.

Show choir...

Oh my god!

I'm such a dick!

There he is...

- You still got it. - I never had it.

Look at that gorgeous wave of bangs you had.

This is a very nice manicure, by the way.

Oh, thank you so much for noticing.

We go to the same church.

- I'm a pianist. - Pianist?

Cute.

Hey, do you miss this?

Fuckin' high school? No.

No. Performing.

No...

I used to love watching you sing.

You were so joyful.

It, like, soaked into me.

Nothing made me happy in high school,

and that made me so happy.

Thank you.

- Your voice, it was like next level. - Come on...

It is!

That Peter Gabriel duet you did

at the Sadie Hawkins dance? That killed me!

Gah!

Kayleigh Normandin was so pissed...

- Oh god. - ...that I got picked for that, but, you know,

you got the voice of an angel, what are you gonna do?

She was like high school talented. It's not special.

She looks exactly the same, doesn't she?

Ah!

Do you know she has a book signing on Saturday?

Um, yeah.

I had heard a little somethin' about that.

No offense, but that is so crazy to me!

Thank you!

Didn't she get caught like plagiarizing in high school?

- Repeatedly! - Oh my god!

Do you wanna go?

Okay.

Oh my god.

Oh no. Oh no!

- Why hire a graphic designer? - Why?

- No. Okay, uh... - Alright, just read it.

"As the bus propelled itself away from the auditorium,

and the clouds began to deluge around us..."

Oh, this is great.

It's like it was translated from another language.

Well, look for me. Am I in there?

I gotta be in there.

Samantha's...

You are in here.

Well, what's it say?

What's it say?

I mean, this is...

Oh, this is a piece of shit.

- It is. It's a piece of shit. - It is a piece of shit but,

you know, I'm actually kind of honored to be in it.

- I mean-- - You're honored to have

your high school trauma memorialized

in a shitty, self-published memoir?

- Yeah! - Ha! Good for you.

But, I mean...

I mean, she actually did it. She...

Kayleigh wrote a fucking book.

Did she? It's 64 pages long.

Well, I guess that qualifies then as a booklet.

Somethin' you might pick up and read on the toilet, right?

Somethin' you might find in the toilet. - Yeah!

Tricia, Jesus Christ,

- you trying to air condition the whole house? - No, I'm--

- Close the door. - Mom, I'm just trying to make room!

It's a mess in here.

Why do you have to criticize everything I do?

- I'm not. - Hey, Mom.

Well, look who just waltzed in.

Well, we didn't think you were coming. We already ate.

Alright, well I'll just have beer.

- Did you bring your Nintendo? - It's not a Nintendo.

Okay...

Dick...

Hey!

Your hair looks fucking awesome.

Mom is super pissed.

Just maybe don't let her see your hands.

- Okay. - Hey, Dad?

Not now, Shan.

I just wanted to see if I can, like, borrow--

- Who closed the door? - Dad!

Are you okay, Mom?

Ugh...

You know Shannon has yearbook photos next week?

That's great. She's gonna look really cool.

Do you have any idea

how much it costs to...

strip, lowlight, re-highlight, and then

add a gloss, Sam?

- Uh, literally no idea-- - Well,

it's a lot.

You know, I think maybe you can take it a little easier on her.

She's just like a kid.

- It's what they do. They're trying to-- - Sorry, sorry.

Just... excuse me?