Pazhani (பழனி)

Shun!

Deborah!

Deborah!

I've come...

I've come to hand in my notice!

I know I'm...

poison!

Help!

- Deborah! - Help!

She got struck by a lightning bolt. She's gone weird.

Quick. Go and get blankets and water.

It's OK. It's OK.

Come on.

Gently down. Now tuck her in, keep her warm. That's it.

Donald, this is probably a good time to tell you that

I slept with your mother.

Hope that's OK.

Come on!

Hello?

'Good morning, Mrs Flower.

'I have your husband on the phone. Shall I put him through?;

Oh, God, erm... No, thank you.

I understand. Shall I tell him you'll call him back?

'I'm afraid she's not in her room at the moment. Can I take a message?'

Er, no, don't worry. I'll call back in a bit.

So she did check in, then?

'She did, yes.'

OK. Thank you.

- 'Deborah?' - Dad?

- Donald. - 'When did you get back?' - Er, I don't know.

Well, what have you been doing? I left a massive note on the table.

Er...

What's... what's happened?

It says on the note!

Can I speak to Mum, please?

'Er, she's at the hotel still.'

What? Why is she at the hotel when you're there?

Is Amy OK?

I don't know. She's... she's not speaking.

- Should I come? - 'Yes, obviously! You're such a shit dad.'

OK. Sorry.

Amy told me what you did. I think it's really selfish.

What kind of twat tries to top himself

when he's got a family to look after?!

Shun, you got to drive me to the hospital!

OK. Can I have little coffee first? Very tired.

No. There's no time.

I've fucked it, Shun. I've fucked everything.

Ahh... - Come on! - OK, Mr Flowers.

I think Mrs Flowers not happy to see me. I think you should go to hotel.

Just try and intercept it. It's in a green plastic bag.

Dark green plastic bag.

Dark green? Or green?

Well, you know, drab green.

- Drab green, like the tree. - Olive green. Khaki.

Car key?

Wha...? It's a green plastic bag.

OK. No problem.

It was a stupid idea. I want to do this properly.

- Do you want me to tell her about thunderbolt? - No.

I don't want her to even know that you're there.

OK. Interception mission.

- I need you to be cunning and discreet, OK? Can you do that for me? - Yes.

What is that?

Cunning.

OK.

- Yes. - Yeah.

Ah, Maurice, I need to have a word with you.

- What are you doing here? - I want to show you where Audrey died.

- No, Barry, it's not a good time. - It's not a request.

You are hurting Deborah and it's making me very angry.

- I need to get to my kids. - Yes, I know. I brought them here.

Where are you taking me?

Deborah is the purest, most giving, patient lady I have ever met

and here you are moaning about climbing a flight of stairs.

Did she jump off the roof?

No, she just... She came up here so no-one would stop her.

I was in the canteen buying a cheese slice and an apple.

I say apple because that's why I had this knife.

Oh, OK, Barry, just calm down.

Apples were the one thing she would eat that were actually good for her.

But she wouldn't eat them unless I sliced them first.

- Why do you need such a big knife to slice up an apple? - It's just what I had to hand.

You're not at your most practical when your wife's tried to kill herself again. You know?

- Fair enough. You want to put the knife down? - It was Christmas.

So I made her an eggnog, because I thought,

"Well, you know, she deserves a treat"

"but she won't be getting too carried away with the eggnog."

- Because it's quite rich isn't it? - Erm, yeah.

She drank eight litres of it while I was busy with the sprouts.

- Why did you make eight litres of it? - I just got the quantities wrong

so I... I had to keep adding ingredients

to-to balance it out.

And she must have found this in the bag because...

they discovered her...

.. oh, round about here.

And she'd obviously been squirming for a while

because there was blood everywhere.

And all her insides were out, like big sloppy wires all tangled up,

like, you know, when you can't see where the knots are.

Except this was my wife.

So I carry this knife with me at all times.

And do you know why I carry it with me, Maurice?

Barry, whatever you want, you can have it.

I just need to get to my daughter now.

I carry it with me to remind me that it was hard...

.. because if I didn't remember how hard it was I don't think

I could cope with her not being here any more.

It was exhausting, actually.

So I can't ever know how you feel, Maurice.

But I know how Deborah feels.

I know how she would have felt.

I keep saying to myself, "It will go away soon, this feeling",

"after a few months, few years perhaps."

But it never does.

This is what you leave behind.

So, this tree is another kind of oak, but it's a different oak.

A Quercus robur, ie, a pedunculate oak.

And the acorns, you'll notice, have a longer stalk...

than the Cornish oak.

Boring!

Follow me, please.

So...

.. tree like this will have 300

different species of insects.

- Shush, Maurice! - So if you are of a sensitive disposition,

you'd better watch out, cos they're going to get you.

You here on your own?

I'm happily divorced.

Oh, congratulations.

The oak...

God, I hate to think now. It was dreadful.

- Was it? - It was awful.

Miserable.

Years and years of misery and boredom.

And his stupid face looking at me.

Disgusting.

Do you know what really pushed me over the edge? His toes.

His toes?

Yeah, God. I just suddenly couldn't stand the sight of his fucking toes.

Deborah!

Maurice! What are you doing?

Maurice, stop it.

Follow me, please.

I want you scrunched as tightly as the fruit of a Quercus petraea!

OK! This is an ash.

How do I know it's an ash? Because of the mould...

Why are you holding a knife?

Barry gave it to me.

Why is Barry even the one looking after us?

I know. I'm sorry, Donald. Donald...

- What? - Thank you.

For looking after Amy. For putting up with me.

And for calling me a shit dad.

Well, it's not a compliment.

I know that. That's why I'm saying thank you.

And the tooth fairy's not real.

Why are you telling me that now?

I was going to tell you at some point, but I just never got round to it.

- What about Father Christmas? - Father Christmas is real.

Tooth fairy and the Easter bunny are made up.

But Father Christmas is real.

Only joking. I know he's dead.

Good morning, madam.

Good afternoon. Can I help you?

What is this lovely smell? Is it crumpets?

They're serving lunch at the moment.

I love butter so much. My name is Mr Flowers. English gentleman.

I'm here for my wife.

Really? You sound quite different to how you do on the phone.

Are you sure?

Maybe you are confused because my face is little bit Japanese.

But normally my accent is perfect.

Have you any identification?

No, no. I like to travel with minimum, how shall I say...?

But, er, Mrs Flowers is definitely my wife.

I'm here for romantic surprise. If you please.

Ah, Mrs Flower, I have your husband here.

Er, no, that's not my husband.

Has he sent you here to beg me to come back?