Almost There

- Morning. - Morning, morning, morning.

Wow.

What are you dressed as?

I'm dressed as my best self.

Ooh, I like this. Let me hear the explanation.

I'm a writer. I've got to dress the part.

You know, the clothes make the man.

Explanation satisfied. Carry on.

Do you have one of those sweaters with the patches on them?

It's gonna put me right over the top.

Agreed.

Do you know why they put the patches on the elbows?

No.

'Cause in world war I, they sewed patches

on the sweaters of soldiers to keep them warm.

Is it because you lose a lot of heat from your elbows?

Do you know why writers like the patches?

Oh, I can't wait to find out.

To rest on the desk like this.

Carter... You see?

I'm learning an awful lot of nothing right now.

Are you gonna borrow that sweater, or are you gonna keep it?

Um, I'm gonna see how it goes.

If I can rip off a chapter or two, cardigan's mine.

Hey, what are you doing? You can't smoke in here.

Buddy, what are you smoking for at all? Are you an idiot?

I'm not smoking.

You have a cigarette and a lighter in the thing.

It's Proustian, my friend, Proustian.

Just feel free to make yourself at home.

You know, the, uh-- when you smell the--

the cookie, the-- the biscuit, um...

- The Madeleine? - Madeleine, yes.

When you smell the Madeleine,

it's like, uh, reminds you of your childhood, your youth.

You know, when you smell nicotine,

it reminds you of third year in college,

you know, late nights at-- at Sproul Hall

and keggers and things that memoirs are made of, you know?

Carter, that's a box of props, pal.

They're just things.

You want to be a writer? It's got to start from within.

Oh, you're giving me writer advice?

Uh, well, between the two of us,

I'm the only one that's been published.

Well, I'm-- I'm writing literature.

You wrote, you know, I don't know what--

I don't know what to call it.

- Pop psychology. - A best seller?

Give me back my sweater.

Let's agree to disagree.

12 weeks on The New York Times Best Seller.

Why don't we agree to agree?

What are you doing, pouring a drink?

Would you like one?

No. One-- it's 9:00 in the morning.

And two-- we both know that I shouldn't drink brown liquor.

Ah, shouldn't is a thing that writers are made of.

That doesn't make any sense.

You know, as Hemingway said in that bar in,

- uh, Venice... - Harry's.

A votre santé!

"Cin, cin," actually, is what Hemingway said.

Mm.

Burning the esophagus a little bit, right?

Okay.

I'll tell you what, Hemingway, you get started, all right?

You and me, kid, we've got a bunch of rebirthing to do today.

You know, I'm going back to therapy.

Writing is therapy for me.

Yes, I'm gonna bleed these veins dry.

Don't get blood on my sweater.

- -

I mean, what kind of asshole walks out on a session?

Really, me.

I'm the kind of asshole that does that.

It's disrespectful. It's fucking disrespectful.

And it should have never happened.

And I'm not here to beg you to take me back as a client.

I'm just-- I'm begging you to take me back as a client.

Begging?

Yeah, something is wrong with me.

I don't know what's happening,

but I almost slept with a very young woman,

an impossibly young woman, actually,

and I'm feeling like I really need some help here.

So, you almost screwed a very young woman,

and you're having a hard time with it?

This is my new discovery.

I'm stunted, and I don't really know what to do.

I've been trying to rebuild my life for the last year,

and I almost lost my job,

and, more important than that, I've lost my-- my self-respect.

I need some help. Can I sit?

No.

No?

Look, you like platitudes, right?

Well, here's one.

You can't move forward without going back.

I'm ready to go back.

- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.

Well, how about you can't rebuild

without understanding what you destroyed?

What I destroyed?

That's a little dramatic, don't you think?

You know what?

- Nope, I didn't mean that. - Okay. Fine.

- It just came out. Sometimes... - Okay.

Okay. Goodbye and good luck.

Wait, wait. Maybe drama's my problem.

Uh, maybe I'm trying to avoid drama.

What do you think?

I think that I am ready

to understand what I have destroyed.

Make amends?

Yes, and if I do that, will you take me back?

Hey, Lisa. It's Jackson Cooper calling.

Um, your ex-fiancé

and, uh, I was just-- I was just calling to say,

"Hi. Long time no speak."

Um, not that we're speaking.

You're just gonna-- you're just gonna hear my voice

on your voice-mail, I guess,

but, uh, I mean, I guess I could--

I could just text you my number, and you could click on it,

you know, and-- and call me back that way,

uh, which would be great.

You can do that, maybe, today, or-- or you've got caller I.D.

You could just-- you could do that as well

if you-- if you don't want to, um, listen to the voice-mail.

Anyway, uh, yeah.

It's-- it's Jackson Cooper, and I hope you're well,

and, um, and I'll-- I'll talk to you soon.

Okay, bye.

I love this font.

It's Helvetica.

It's the most common font.

It's classy, yet playful.

It's perfect, Josie.

Great.

You know, I am just really impressed

with how calm you're being about the problem.

Problem?

You know, with your guest of honor, Mr. Corntholl.

What's the problem? What, did he win another Nobel Prize?

Ha!

You're being funny.

You're freaking me out, Josie.

What is the problem?

You didn't see the paper this morning?

His obituary was in the paper.

Okay, just tell me that he died doing something heroic

so we can still honor him.

He committed suicide.

Poor Arnold Corntholl.

He was arrested in Thailand.

Oh, my God.

He was reappropriating funds.

Okay, all right, money crime.

- Uh... - Funds from a shelter his wife started

that was rescuing women from human trafficking.

Oh, stop.

Yeah, he was using the money to pay off gambling debts

and, apparently, a very expensive coke habit.

Oh, my God.

I'm so sorry, Sophie.

Okay, all right.

I have to find a new honoree, and the gala is,

oh, and I-I have to justify people spending $1,000 a plate

to endow a new chair, and it's-- ohh!

- Are you okay? - No, I...

I can't get air into my...

Okay, here. Um, do this.

Put your head between your legs.

Breathe in slow.

Okay, that's better.

Okay, good. Good.

Don't worry.

We're gonna find you someone exceptional.

I don't believe you.

I mean, I told Holly not to call you

'cause I didn't want it to be like, "Oh, my little sister's coming,"

and then you have all these, like, preconceived expectations.

Like-- like what?

Like, that you were coming to visit, or...

- This is where you write? - Yeah.

Yeah, this is where the, uh-- this is where the magic happens.

Yeah, Holly said you make magic. That's why I'm here.

Really?

Yeah, absolutely.

I want to make magic, too.

You do?

Can I watch you?

Oh, you want to watch me?