Freak Orlando

"LITTLE THEATER OF THE WORLD" IN FIVE EPISODES,

AS TOLD BY

ULRIKE OTTINGER

FREAK CITY

CLEARANCE SALE OF MYTHS

These mythological sandals don't fit.

They're of no use.

Go ahead!

Citizens of Freak City!

As part of our special Mythological Action Week

we would like to give you once again a very special treat.

Economical specials, wrapped in myths...

await you at every counter on every floor.

However, our main attraction

is located in the Heel Bar on the third floor...

where the goddess of international radio, screen and stage fame,

Orlando Cyclopa,

will personally stamp your sandals with the mythological seal of quality.

It is forbidden to dream here, Miss Müller!

Yes, Mr Zeus.

You've ruined my shoes.

Are those your work clothes?

Your myths are a fraud.

Who are you anyway?

Are you part of the Sales Week?

What the fuck is going on here?

Do you get commission on myths in this clearance sale?

- Are you a goddess? - What's this all about?

- Is this your idea of fun? - Which brand do you represent?

- Do you believe in private property? - As a goddess, do you believe in God?

Why are you doing this?

What are you doing with that hammer in our store?

Do you at least believe in my plastic bag?

Fired without notice.

No, no!

THE HEEL BAR

MYTHOLOGICAL SALES WEEK

In ancient China, it was the custom...

to put thorn apple seeds in beer, to make it more intoxicating.

In Germany, henbane seed was used.

In fact, we read

of "the frequent cultivation of henbane in Central Europe."

Signs of this still survive...

in many place names in Germany...

and also in Holland and Bohemia.

There is no doubt that this widespread crop

was used only to strengthen beer.

Only by means of strict police ordinances did the state

gradually succeed in abolishing henbane beer.

In Central Franconia as early as 1507 brewers were forbidden to use

henbane and other "substances that make people crazed."

The Bavarian police ordinance of 1649 threatened:

"Anyone who adulterates beer

"with other herbs and seeds, henbane in particular,

"as well as anyone selling such herbs, shall be punished severely."

Two American scientists, Dr Moses and Dr Lloyd, of New York University,

have found, after many years' research,

that a broken heart can cause highly emotional women to develop beards.

Reports of bearded women in history are relatively frequent.

Earlier, such phenomena tended to be seen as punishment for sins.

Famous bearded women, apart from saints like St Wilgeforte...

include Rusinowska, who was executed in Poland in 1505...

Something's burning... - ...for her part in an uprising,

and Magdaleine Ventura from the Abruzzi,

who Ribera, the Spanish artist, painted with her husband and child,

and made famous around the world.

You've changed.

That isn't good.

Henbane in honey-beer! Sweet dreams... have no fear!

His talents have made our town rich.

Indeed.

- He's brought us a lot of money. - Indeed.

We can't complain.

Indeed.

An amazing phenomenon.

What's that?

- A stylite. - Yes, a saint on a pillar.

Look! He's moving!

No, he's never moved.

Yes, he has. My grandfather saw him climb the pillar.

That must have been over a hundred years ago.

He's opening his eyes!

I don't see anything.

It's you I've been waiting for all these years.

You are the one chosen

to take my place.

He never moved.

He never opened his eyes.

He never spoke.

Now everything will be different.

On the crest of the hill we can see the frenzied procession.

It reaches a furious crescendo as it reaches the saint.

The pilgrims are young men

from Freak City, famous around the world for its sin and decadence,

who come here once a year to atone

for their sins in a procession of ecstatic convulsions.

On reaching the pedestal they kiss it reverently, and stay there for hours

in worship and meditation.

Then they dance and play for days, and spend a lot of money,

bringing even the upright citizens to overlook their debauchery.

The pilgrims are approaching quickly, reaching a holy ecstasy,

their black leather costumes, chains and bridles, can clearly be seen.

You are to be his successor.

He said so himself.

A sacred summons.

It's an honor.

A sacrilege to refuse.

We could give you money.

- A lot of money. - We are rich.

Very rich.

The flagellants will be here soon.

I can already hear them.

For a year...

No!

For a month...

No.

For a week...

No.

For a day...

No!

She won't do it.

She'll have to.

She was to succeed him.

She didn't want to.

It's her fault!

It's your fault!

Repent, there is still time to mend your ways.

Our wells are poisoned.

The drinking water is a danger for our babies.

The lazar-houses are overcrowded.

The psychiatric institutes are overpacked.

Witches poison your honey-beer...

making you lame and deformed.

81 drug victims in Berlin.

The innermost depths open to swallow you!

Phyllis looks for nuclear leaks with a divining rod:

"British housewife Phyllis White, reputed to have psychic powers,

"has been called upon by Hinkley Point nuclear power plant

"to detect possible leaks in the nuclear core."

Denounce her! Catch her! Hand her over to the Holy Tribunal!

Lead dust turns cabbages yellow.

Practitioners of the black arts have always met in your mother's kitchen.

Haven for heretics and the fairground's corruption

and the deviant sciences...

The Hammer of Witches will smite you!

Nuclear waste - endless nightmare!

Can only such evil omens awaken you, such miscarriages?

A miraculous birth!

Hell shall devour your wretched body!

Satan's brood! Abomination! Monster!

A miraculous child!

Once upon a time...

and it was a very good time...

but it wasn't my time, or your time...

or anybody else's time.

According to the priests and scholars...

it has two souls.

I've seen the two heads quarrel.

It is also said that two heads enjoy common feeling in their entrails.

However, one head goes on laughing when you pinch the other

or pull its curls,

if you can call them curls.

Isn't that so, double-headed nightingale?

Sing The Apocalypse for us!

The Apocalypse...

The Day of Judgement will approach with great signs.

The Earth will stream forth sweat

- and tremble with fear, - and tremble with fear.

There will be a great earthquake, and rocks will cleave in two,

towers will tumble, mountains with crumble,

hills and plains will be made one.

A great fire will descend from Heaven,

oceans, rivers and springs will burn, the fish will scream in anguish,

and the sun will darken and change.

Go away! Away! Go away!

Don't touch her.

BECAUSE SHE TALKED

Because you spoke.

I went through a forest...

without any wood.

Through a stream...

without any water.

Through a town...

without any houses.

SACRED SALES WEEK

The Christian King speaks to his daughter Wilgeforte:

"I beg you for reasons of State to marry the Satrap, potentate,

"who is so powerful over the sea,

"or you no longer my daughter will be."

"But Father,"

says his daughter in despair,

"how can I enter this heathen's lair?

"How can my father be so unfair?"

"Enough, enough, you must obey! Enough, enough, you must obey!"

"But Father, Father, can't you see

"the noble from Florence will marry me."

"Guards!

"Palace Guards!

"The Italian gigolo must be found,

"he'll play his mandolin underground,