Stath Lets Flats

I want to go to Cyprus. No more Michael, no more Eagle.

I'll just start a whole new business.

I'm just a person that loves you.

Is it OK if I know you do?

THEY GIGGLE

Oh, my God, is that Katia?

I don't remember it being her.

I do.

I do.

OK, agency names - Perfect Lettings, Perfect Dude Lettings.

Yeah. Sorry, if we want this new agency to be sweeping the scene,

we need a name that's going to be just freckled with respect.

You know what I mean?

Stathy, is kneeling down quite respect?

Cos it could be Kneeling Down Lets.

I think that's great. A signature move, too.

We could kneel in our office once we stop working out of Stath's car.

Not that that's important.

But... OK.

What about, yeah, Minute Silence?

Do you know what mean? What's more respectful than a minute's silence?

You don't talk for a minute, for God's sake.

Yeah. Minute Silence Lets. Minute Silence Lets.

I mean, it's amazing.

It's got everything. it reminds me of war.

No, it's perfect - Minute Silence Lets. That's it.

Gawd, I like you forever.

Thank you. Sophie, you part of this business or is it just me and Stath?

Of course, she's a founder member.

Erm, I'd like to try to be a bit more successful than this business,

if that's OK.

Hey, er, it's very successful...so far.

Al, talk to your girlfriend.

Erm, I love you.

Love you, too.

Well, that's gorgeous.

Stathy, it maybe does feel like the business might just be us,

er, talking next to the swings. Like, how you gonna get customers?

Wrong!

I could walk up to any Barry, Devlin, Derlin in the park and say,

"Do you want to let a flat from me?" And they'll go, "Yeah."

Could you? Oh, my God. Yeah.

Watch me.

Er, excuse me, excuse me.

HE CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY

I was just wondering if you're on the market for a property.

Yeah.

What?

Oh, are you really? Yeah.

What, like, a two-bed near here?

Near here?

Yeah.

OK.

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT Do you like this room?

Huh? Do you like this room? Yep.

And this room?

Yeah. Yeah.

Do you like that?

Yeah. OK.

So do you want to rent the flat?

Yeah.

Yeah!

HE CHUCKLES

That's charming.

So, what we need to do now...

..is erm...

I just realised I actually don't know what to do

when you get to the end of a viewing. Like, my dad usually does it.

I don't think I can rent you the flat, Howard.

But did you enjoy the tour? Yeah. Yeah!

# Wedding situation

# It's a situation

# Commitment, wedding, marriage

# Invitation...#

Don't cut off my moustache, please.

Go on. Can it be James Bond moustache?

What, you think I don't know how to give you a James Bond moustache?

You made us your best man, innit? Let me shave you.

Look how much Steven trusts his best man.

I've actually never shaved a friend to look like a Bond before.

You're kidding. What inspired a fancy dress wedding, Vasos?

Because I am gay. Oh. But Steven copied my James Bond.

Copydog! THEY CHUCKLE

It's OK. Me and Al done matchling as well.

Steven, can you guess which clothes we are?

Er... AMERICAN ACCENT: Dollars, dollars, dollars, Texas.

Spice Girls.

No. I've come as President America

and Al is Jonathan Ross interviewing me at 10.35 on ITV.

It's all Sophie's vision. I can't take any credit.

Oh, I've just had a curry puff.

Aw. Do you know what Katia's coming to the wedding as?

Oh, she said that she's doing the crab colour.

Right.

Does that match with me? I don't know.

Stathy? Mm?

Are you pleasant?

Me, pleasant? I'm full of the joys of spring, mate.

I wanted to check you're not a lonely boy.

Well, you can check it out, OK? Don't worry about my lonely, innit?

I got a couple of surprises up my Steven... Sleeven, Steven.

HE CHUCKLES

# Wedding bells

# Are you christening? #

I wish I was marrying my dad, Steven. You sneaker!

Steven, it would be good to get to know a few facts about you

for my speech.

Any funny moments from your life or...?

Er, I am 65.

Er, when I born, I had red hair.

AL CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY

Anything else?

No.

Hey. Church!

No, yeah, I love a bit of Med on my plate.

Yeah, no, exactly, halloumi.

And you drop down and that's it.

The gun is on them. It's threats like this

Matrix, Matrix. Ha, ha.

There are little Staths and Sophies everywhere.

What's happening? Sorry, what is your costume?

Mamma Mia! I'm a guest in Mamma Mia!

Erm, what's yours? Sort of a sex alien?

I'm Blade, vampire character. That's fancy dress.

Everyone I ask has just come as a character that wears normal clothes.

She said she's come as Dawson from Dawson's Creek.

Have you seen Katia, by the way?

Are you Dawson from...? I love it. That's real.

How do you...? Ahh! Oh, my God, the memories came flooding back.

Sorry. You all right?

Well, welcome to the day of my father's promise.

No, seriously, how have you been? Cos it's been a while.

Er, so I got a job assisting a drama teacher.

Yeah. Er, helping out and that. Yeah. We make music with our bodies.

So, it's really fulfilling.

Erm, and your clothes, my Lord. What are you, a Wall Street banker?

It's Blade.

Blaze.

And you, Carole, how's it been? How's it been?

What you asking me? How have you been?

All right, Helen? You all right, Helen? You all right? It is Helen.

Best man! Best man!

Best man!

Is it true that you're really famous?

Oh, I don't know. Are you?

Thanks, er, thanks so much for that, guys. That was, that was crazy.

Sophie, sorry.

She's seen you in this big Greek speech and your YouTube videos.

Everyone is really loving what you're doing in Cyprus. The success!

Cyprus, Oh! Are you my cousin or are you just Greek?

Are you looking forward to my dad's commitment?

How am I dressed madder than Katia?

Here comes rubble, right? Right, I'm off to get some oily squid.

All right. I'm going to go stand on my own.

So, like, what you up to, like, at the wedding, yeah?

I don't know. I was thinking maybe I would photo bomb or eat more lamb.

Oh, cool. Anyway, if you got nothing going on at the wedding, like,

you know I could get you a bridesmaid role.

Can I meet the priest?

If you're a bridesmaid, you come up the altar with us,

you stand at us with the "ultra", just get moved by what's happening.

Oh, yeah, OK, yeah.

You wanna be bridesmaid?

All right, I can sort that out for you. I can sort that out for you.

You look good, Katia. Mm. You look good.

What you come as, a sort of strawberry drink?

Very close. Crab mixed with snake.

Crabsnake. I thought so, yeah, yeah.

You look good. Yeah. What are you dressed as?

What am I dressed as? Yeah.

Dean.

Best man! Best man! Oh, come on. Best man!

ORGAN PLAYS WEDDING MARCH

Is that a presenter from Greek TV?

Lady, gentleman and LGBBQ,

welcome to the wedding ceremony of Vasos Charalambos

and Steven Papa Stefano.

Can I start by asking you both

to say a speech to the other person, please?

Speech! Speech!

You ever heard someone say that in a film? Speech!

Speech.

HE MOUTHS

Please. This is my speech.

"Never forget where you've come here from.

"Never pretend that it's all real.

"Someday soon, this will all be someone else's dream."

Little Barlow from the heart.

PAPER RUSTLES

"Never forget where you've come here from.

"Never pretend that it's all real.

"Someday soon, this will all be someone else's dream."

They sound the same.

I told him I was doing this. What's wrong with you, Steven?

I loved it when he said that, "What's wrong with you, Steven?"

What a funny moment from the wedding.

Very funny. Very funny.

Now we do the I do.

Do you, Vasos?

I'll do it.