Bump

What are we supposed to do with the bird?

Dunno. Feed it?

Why doesn't he take it with him?

Oh, he's going to Dubai.

Why?

Yeah.

Oh, oh, oh. No, no, that's mine.

Yeah, but I paid for it with my credit card.

Oh, come on. You don't even drink tea.

I'm trying to cut down on coffee.

The blue one gets a drip when it pours. It's useless.

Who said we need to be adults about this?

- OK, fine. - Thank you.

Should we scissor-paper-rock, then, for the first week?

Mm-hm.

- Scissor, paper... - I know. It's OK.

You want it first

so you can have a play date with your girlfriend.

- (ROSA GRUNTS) - (EGG SMASHES)

What's going on?

This will make Christmas awkward.

Can you go down and deal with it?

- (EGG SMASHES) - Me?

Yeah, just... tell her I'm not here.

I'm not going out there. She looks really angry.

But, Dom...

"Please, Dom."

"Please, Dom."

Please.

Oi!

I might go first, actually.

They're gonna take turns living with you?

How civilised.

Yep. My parents are literally going part-time on me.

Yeah, and you remain the literal centre of their universe.

That seems pointed.

- Slut! Fuck off!

Yeah, well, you're the dick who thinks shaming girls

will boost your status in a culture of toxic masculinity!

- (CAR RUMBLES) - (KIDS CHATTER)

I need a shorter comeback.

Yeah.

He probably didn't even mean you.

Yeah, he was probably talking about

the other high school student with a baby on the street.

Sorry! Sorry, sorry, sorry.

That's all right. I can put her down.

No, she just had a nap in biology.

- She fed? - Just before the nap.

- Due for a change? - (CLICKS) About now.

Ready?

- (OLY GASPS) - (BABY BURBLES)

And we're gonna lie down.

Good girl.

- I can do it. - It's all right. I got it.

- Sure? - Uh-huh.

Now if you just...

OK.

Thank you.

Ooh! It's a nice stinky one.

All done. OK.

So she's due for another feed in 1 hour 15.

OK, so how about I'll take her to art?

And then I can meet you back here for lunch.

Done!

- Nailing this! - Nailing this.

- (SCHOOL BELL RINGS) - (BOTH TRILL)

So cool.

Erasing misogyny one dick at a time.

One less cock and balls in the world, huh?

I've got French.

- (BABY GURGLES) - Bye!

Ooh, I've got one who says

that getting graded for her art works

is a microaggression.

- Microaggression? - Microaggression.

- Nice... - I know...

Matias.

You forgot your lunch.

Should I put your lunch...

..here?

No.

Rosa.

How romantic. Here.

Next to a sink.

Rosa!

Where's Angie?

Huh? Angie around?

- Where is she? - I don't know.

Well, maybe you will be able to keep your marriage vows

till lunchtime, then.

Have you ever been called a slut in the street

while you were carrying J?

Uh, once.

- Hey, I've been thinking. Hmm?

Maybe I could spend a little bit more time with J

in the afternoon.

But you've got football.

Yeah, but not till 5:00.

I'm so sorry.

Why?

For my mum. And also for not telling you about them.

It's all right.

They're adults, I guess.

You don't mind?

My dad's a fuck-up, Oly.

Well, it's not only his fault.

Hey, um, I'd like to spend more time with J.

I was thinking maybe she could have sleepovers with me.

Oh, we... we haven't really done that.

I know, but...

I mean, it should be 50/50, right?

How about it, bub?

Daddy sleepovers?

I mean, you'll have time to study.

Get some more sleep.

- Um... - Yeah?

When she's not waking up three times a night

to breastfeed,

then I'll think about it.

- (BABY GURGLES) - OK.

(HIP-HOP MUSIC LEAKS THROUGH HEADPHONES)

Oh, yes. Ooh, yum.

- (MYSTICAL MUSIC PLAYS) - (PHONE RINGS)

- (PHONE RINGS) - (BABY CONTINUES CRYING)

You missing the daily witching hour

at your fancy new apartment?

Oh, it's not that fancy.

I'm just checking in. How are you going?

Yeah, well...

..as scheduled, we're having a pretty shit time right now.

I know.

Hey, um, Santi wants to have sleepovers with J.

It's, like, quite impractical.

Why's that?

Um, because I have to breastfeed her,

like, three times a night, obviously.

Well, he wants to help. Let him.

Mwah!

Oh, I got this organic baby formula.

I've got everything, Oly.

- (WHISPERS PLAYFULLY) - Sleeping bag?

Uh, except that.

I don't have that.

See, now I'm worried, because you said you had everything

and you didn't have a sleeping bag.

Oly... (SPEAKS SPANISH)

We're gonna be fine, OK?

- OK. Hmm?

Well, bye.

Can you say bye to Mummy?

- (BABY BABBLES) - (OLY AND SANTI LAUGH)

Bye.

Um, just call me anytime,

because I'll be on my phone all day.

Oly...

..we're good.

- (DOOR OPENS) - (SINGING IN SPANISH)

This is gonna be mad.

You're going down, bro.

Little combo. Little combo here.

Here we go. (GRUNTS)

- Defended. Owned. Noped. - (BABY BABBLES)

Look at the tiny little gamer.

- She loves it, eh? (LAUGHS) - Own it.

Ah!

Oh, Oly!

To what do I owe this pleasure?

Oh, you know, Santi's got J,

so I thought I'd come check out where you'd rather live

than be at home with your family.

- (DOOR CLOSES) Hmm.

Literally anywhere some days.

What?

Nothing. What's that?

Hmm. Where did you get it?

- Early childhood clinic. - (COCKATIEL CHIRPS)

Whoa. What's its name?

Um, I don't know. I feel sorry for it.

Do you need any help with that?

"Visualise your baby while doing it."

- Eugh. - (ANGIE CHUCKLES)

That's kind of creepy.

Hmm. Never worked for me.