Episodes

What's done is done.

You slept with morning. I slept with rob.

It would be one thing if he was the only one.

Christ. Who else?

Yes. Yes.

I don't care if we fail. Failing's fine.

If we go down in flames, at least there were flames!

I'm happy just to be around him.

He is amazing.

No one seems to notice I'm so full of shit.

And I can hear the furniture whispering.

Maybe we should try adjusting your medication again.

Maybe.

Yeah?

Hey. Is now a good time?

No.

Really? Yep.

Oh.

You're still there.

Uh, yeah, I know.

Uh...

I just... I kind of need a little advice.

Advice?

Career stuff.

I'm really bad at that shit,

and I don't know who else to go to.

I swear it will just take like a minute.

A minute.

Thanks.

I feel like an asshole even talking about this.

But, you know, I'm just starting out,

and I don't want to make a mistake and fuck it all up.

Okay. Look. First of all, you got to relax.

You're freaking yourself out here.

You think?

This is the good part.

You got a job. You're on a show.

Enjoy it. No. I know.

It's just... it's all this stuff coming at me.

What kind of stuff?

You know, like movie stuff.

Movie stuff? Yeah.

I'm starting to get all these offers,

like this big Michael Bay thing.

Michael Bay?

It's called "Tsunami."

Do you drown?

No.

So what's your question for me?

Okay. Like, how do you know which ones to pick?

I mean, back when you were hot,

you did a bunch of movies, right?

Mm-hmm.

And it's not like you read them and thought,

"well, this is a piece of crap."

You thought they were gonna be good, you know?

Mm-hmm.

It's scary,

'cause, like, you make a bunch of shitty ones,

and suddenly they don't want you anymore.

You know what I mean. Mm-hmm.

I do not want to be 50 and still doing sitcoms.

Did you just point to me on "50"?

Uh...

You think I'm 50? You think I'm fucking 50?!

No. I don't know how old you are.

Well, I'm not fucking 50!

Dude, you look great.

I hope I look this good when I'm...

When you're what?

Say a number!

Th...

Your minute's up!

Minute's up!

Thank you.

This was great. Open or closed?

Minute's up!

Carol rance on 2!

Is it actually Carol or someone who's then gonna summon Carol?

What?

I'm just saying, if she's got...

If she's calling us,

we shouldn't have to wait for her to pick up.

So I'm asking...

Is this actually Carol... On the phone?

Yes.

Thank you.

Hi, Carol. Hi, Carol.

Hold for Carol.

Oh, I see.

Hey there.

Hi.

So, I just got a call from Stoke's agent.

She's not happy.

Oh, no!

Why?

Apparently, Stoke's been offered

four days on some Michael Bay movie,

but you guys won't let him out.

As I told her, it would totally mess up our schedule.

And while we always want to accommodate

our little enemy of comedy,

we're not prepared to rearrange everything just for Stoke.

That totally makes sense.

Thank you.

But I need you to do it anyway.

I'm sorry!

Stoke doing a hot movie can only be good for the show,

and we need anything that's good for the show.

Fine. Thank you.

Also, today is castor's first day,

so better not to start with any "pucks" drama.

How is it so far?

Oh, my God.

I can see his abs through his T-shirt.

Didn't we agree you weren't gonna go there?

Hey!

You weren't sleeping with merc for the last five years.

We're talking too fast, too damp... often farty.

Oh, God.

I miss good sex.

I deserve good sex, don't I?

No one more than you.

Oh. Sorry.

You deserve it, too.

Anything happening with you guys?

Uh, actually, we guys are... both here...

...on speaker.

Oh!

Ha!

Hi, Sean!

Hello, Carol.

What? Nothing.

I'm sorry. She's my friend.

Friends talk. I just don't understand.

Hey! Hi. Hi.

See you guys later.

Yep. Yep. Okay.

They fucking hate me.

I just don't understand this need to divulge

the most intimate secrets of our relationship.

I mean, seriously.

That you would talk to Carol, of all people,

about whether or not we're...

When we don't even talk about it.

Maybe I talk to Carol because we don't talk about it.

Knock, knock! Yeah.

Oh, my God.

This is amazing.

I hate it. All righty.

Does that look like weimaraner to you?

Does what look like weimaraner?

The walls. What color is that?

Not weimaraner?

Exactly. Assholes.

Don't ask me what color I want and then give me this.

Oh, I know. It's the worst.

I had my bathroom redone about a year ago,

and I ordered these little glass tiles.

And when they came...

So, what's up? Okay.

Uh, I just wanted to say good night

and make sure you survived your first day. Barely.

I'm just looking at last week's numbers. Jesus.

What happened to "it's not about the numbers"?

That was before I saw the numbers.

I'm so fucked.

Okay.

Tomorrow, 6:00 A.M., saddle up the troops.

I want everyone here. No excuses.

Yikes.

6:00 A.M.? Yeah.

What time do these pussies normally start?

Uh... the pussies normally start a little bit later.

But if you want 6:00, we will do 6:00. Good.

I want to rip this whole goddamn schedule apart.

I want ideas. I want opinions.

Tell people I expect them to bring their truth.

Mm. I'm not sure everyone has truth.

Then they can bring bagels.

Hey, have you seen the call sheet?

Why am I doing night shoots if it's all interiors?

Right.

Um... stoke is doing four days on a movie,

so we kind of have to work around his schedule.

You're kidding me.

I have to work around that douche nozzle?

Afraid so. That's... nauseating?

Yeah, it's criminal. Crime against humanity.

And he's getting movies?

Movies?! He can't act!

He's... block of words.

Talent vacuum.

Negative acting space.

I hate this goddamn business.

I don't blame you. Who doesn't? Yeah.

See you tomorrow. Yeah, yeah. Bye.

"Douche nozzle."

Yeah, it's the part of the douche that goes into the...

Got it. You know, the nozzle.