Impractical Jokers

Narrator: Coming up, what's got q revealing his dinner secrets?

well, typically, I feast in darkness.

Why is sal such a bawler?

okay, bye.

Are you actually crying? He's actually crying.

Narrator: And which losing joker

Will get alliterated in tonight's poetic punishment?

"bam!"

Sal: Prepare for something amazing.

Hey, mustache, what's up?

Murr: Like a boss!

Sal: I will never forgive you!

Joe: Larry!

Sal: "I'm the party pup."

Alright, today, we're at dekalb market hall

Where we'll be sitting alongside strangers

Answering questions for a fake "documentary."

The documentary will be filmed by our crew,

And all we have to do

Is answer the questions without laughing.

The catch is our answers will be given to us

By the other guys.

Whoever laughs the most loses.

Here we go, boys.

Sal: We've played this game before.

We are participating in a "fake documentary."

Joe: This is our real crew out there.

This is pete, our producer.

You know, obviously, the person to our right

Does not know what's going on.

Pete: So, I want to begin with cole.

Describe your workout routine.

I guess just some cardio,

But that's about it.

Brian, describe your workout routine.

"so, I do dip-dups..."

So, I do dip-dups..."

"...Bang-a-rangs..." ...Bang-a-rangs...

"...A set of jangles..." ...A set of jangles...

"...Shups and cruns..." ...Shups and crumbs...

"...Dips and squats..." ...Dips and squats...

"...Jacks and lungees." ...Jacks and lungees.

Sal: "then I strip down to my charlies..."

Then I strip down to the charlies.

"...Then jog in place till I crap myself."

Then I just...

Then on the treadmill, I jog in place...

...Till I crap myself.

Pete: Cole. yes.

What's the most exotic cuisine you've ever tried?

Probably the most exotic is cactus.

Brian?

Murr: "once when I was in college..."

Well, once when I was in college...

"...I ate some puerto rican kid's ashes."

...I was in frat

And accidentally ate some puerto rican kid's ashes.

Cole, walk us through your ideal dining experience.

Ideal dining experience?

You're in trouble. He's dancing.

Sal's dancing back here.

Brian? Sal: Okay, ready?

In a bane voice, say,

"typically, I feast in darkness."

Ideal dining experience?

well, um...

Typically, I feast in darkness.

I thought I was gonna get him!

Alright, brian, you describe your personal style.

"oh, aging basic-cable reality star with cool hats."

Yeah.

Murr: Got him!

I'm gonna say aging basic-cable reality star

With cool hats.

Yep.

Thank you so much. That's it?

That's it. Good job, q.

Wasn't my best showing, I'll tell you that much.

So, we're gonna be talking about relationships.

Stanley, what would you say --

What are the attributes of a healthy relationship?

Just listening.

Joe?

"relationships are, you know, 90% mental..."

Relationships are 90% mental...

"...10% physical..." ...10% physical...

"after my horse accident..."

I mean, after my horse accident...

"...It was zero percent physical

Until my walnuts re-descended."

...It was zero percent physical

Until I got the walnuts back down.

They re-descended.

Stanley, describe the best trip

You've taken with a partner.

What we did was we went to the movies.

We went to trader joe's and we got a bottle of wine

And we drank it at chipotle, and we went to...

Look at joe.

...A reiki.

Joe?

Oh, man. "it was in Italy."

I was in Italy.

"I just don't remember exactly where."

I don't remember exactly where in Italy.

"naples?"

I think the area was a little confusing.

It was in naples...

Sal: "or bibity dibity..."

Or it could've been bib-- could've been bibity dibity.

It was either eastern napledon...

"you know that stupid boot?"

You know there's a stupid boot,

And it's kicking --

It's basically the heel here.

But it was -- the scenery, you can't beat.

"I told you about my dick nuts, right?"

Call 'em dick nuts.

I told you guys about my dick nuts, right?

Sal's down!

I'm sorry, I was a little roundabout, but Italy.

Joe. Yeah.

What do you think is your most attractive quality?

"once they drop..." once they drop...

"...My dick nuts are great."

On--

Pete, once they drop...

...My dick nuts will be great.

There we go!

Took forever.

So, joe, now, tell me about your best valentine's day.

"February 14, 2012..."

I would say February 14, 2012...

"...My girlfriend at the time died."

...My girlfriend at the time had passed away.

"thanks for bringing it up, mcfartland."

Thanks for bringing it up, mcfartland.

Pete -- pete mcfartland.

Pete mcfar--

Pete mcfartland is on your license.

Can you say "pete mcfartland"?

Pete: Don't say it. Don't say it.

Stanley, don't you say it.

Alright, joe, go grow some dick nuts.

Joe: Here we go, boys.

Uh, mary, what do you do to relax?

I don't.

That's the short answer.

James, what do you do to relax?

"I blindfold myself..."

I blindfold myself...

"...And play the trumpet to my plants."

...And play the trumpet to my plants.

Sal: Look at her face.

Describe your ideal roommate.

Mary.

I guess, like, ideally,

My roommate would just be, like, a dog by itself.

James.

"literally any age..."

Literally any age...

"...Any race..."

...Any race... "...Any career..."

...Any career... "...But ideally..."

...But ideally...

"...A young white banker."

...A young white banker.

Ideally.

Yeah, yeah.

Wow, murr!

James, describe your workout routine.

Joe: Get offended. Get offended, murr.

Why do you want to know my workout routine?

Like, I'm not answering that.

That's too personal.

Pete, describe your worst relationship right now.

Murray, jump in on it.

Uh, describe your worst relationship.

Oh, that's easy.

It was samantha from atlanta. She was intolerable.

Let me tell you, she had the worst habits.

"we weren't sexually compatible."

We weren't sexually compatible.

"I was an outie."

I was an out--