Bad Monkey

For some reason, Nick couldn't stop thinking back to

when he first married Eve and all the dreams he had for the future.

You know, maybe a few more kids or even a ski boat.

He certainly hadn't imagined himself

dragging a 6'5" lug nut down the longest dock in Big Pine Key

with only one arm.

They say the second time you take a life is easier than the first,

the third is easier than the second, and so on, and so on, and so on.

You get it.

And as he set about making it look like an accident,

just another classic Florida man who got drunk

and decided to go fishing at night...

...Nick knew one thing for sure. His conscience was getting quieter.

- Well, I'll say it. -

I'm glad that fucker's dead.

I'm so proud of you.

I'ma go make coffee.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm gonna make the coffee.

Today, I take care of you.

It was a small gesture but Nick was grateful.

He needed it now more than ever.

Actually, babes, will you take Tilly for a tinkle?

- Yep. - Also, can you finish packing up?

Oh, and text Claspers, we'll leave in the morning.

Remind him that he's the pilot.

He's not my bestie, so stop trying to talk to me all the time.

On it.

It's time to get the fuck out of Florida, babe!

Hey, honey, have you seen my phone?

Mm-mmm.

Maybe you accidentally packed it.

Oh, shit.

Evan Shook had been hemorrhaging so much money on this house,

he'd had diarrhea all week.

- All right. - But he still believed in himself.

You are a motherfucking property-moving machine.

Big dick energy, big dick energy, big dick energy.

My boys are here.

Scottie, Dan the man.

- Allow me, sir. -

- Welcome. Enchanté . - This looks gorgeous.

Come on, come on.

We drove through that town on the way here.

- It's fucking adorable. - Amazing.

This place is gonna blow you away, okay?

- All right. - Let's see it.

From me to you, welcome home.

Oh, Evan!

Thank you.

As you can see, this house is for a baller.

It hadn't been Yancy's most restful sleep,

but when he had crawled out of the water the night before,

he chose safety over comfort.

...and its very own rain shower.

Notice how you can see the water from just about every room in this house.

Oh, come on.

- In the water. - Wait, what is?

Brain-eating amoebas.

Fuck.

They get in through your nose or through your ear,

through any orifice really.

They'll... They'll get in, and you know,

once they're in, they really start to go to town.

- Hallucinations and blackouts... - Mm-mmm.

...and stuff like that.

I don't... I have no idea how I got here.

- Where are your pants? - Uh, that's, uh, also another mystery.

I came here from a cocktail party.

Were you guys at the party?

- So fun. -

Such a pleasure to meet you, Spartacus.

You guys look great.

It's a beautiful day. Who wants the first hug?

Is it okay to make a friend?

- - Yeah.

God, I hope you move in next door.

He's so wet.

I could use a hit of this every day.

I'm sorry about the sweat and the blood.

You smell great and it's natural.

I love everything you're doing.

- Thank you. - Enjoy the place.

I love it here.

I have a key, so I'll just come back whenever.

Always fun.

Give me one quick sec.

Okay? All right.

- What the fuck was that? - I don't know.

Hey! Hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey, listen up, amigo.

This little game you've been playing. Okay, it's over.

What game have I been playing? Am I winning?

Well, let's find out when I call my lawyers.

Well, seeing that you've broken every building code,

I doubt you're gonna call on anybody.

How about we do this instead?

- Do you see that snake over there? - Uh-huh.

If I see one more animal that's been fucked up by your construction,

however they've been hurt, I'll do the same goddamn thing to you.

Whoa, whoa. Are you threatening me, bro?

Yeah, bro. I am.

- And if it wasn't clear... -

...it's just because I wasn't doing it well enough.

What the...

- Hey, uh, fellas. - We'll call you.

- Can you, like, hear it ringing? -

Nick had borrowed Eve's phone to call his,

- but no luck yet. -

- Fuck me. - At least not for him.

Are we loving it?

- Are we... It's obviously not... -

I can't find it.

Where do you last remember having it?

Oh, fuck me.

All right.

This is the best day.

That's a weird thing to say for someone who was almost murdered.

I disagree. I think it's a very common sentiment

for people who recently went through a near-death experience.

I mean, Rosa, can you get excited here for a second?

Nick Stripling is alive, and we have his cell phone.

Case is closed or it's open.

You know, I mean, pick a lane. It's... The case is hot.

- Follow the light, okay? - My pleasure.

The light actually made Yancy think that he might vomit.

- You have a concussion. - I'm fine.

Please tell me you didn't drive here.

I don't think I did. Rosa, listen.

All we gotta do is crack the code to Nick's phone.

How do you wanna do that?

I already tried his address. I tried his kid's name.

I tried his birthday. I actually tried my birthday.

I'm just looking for new ideas, and we're not in a rush here.

I think I'm frozen out for about 45 minutes.

I remember this table.

Yeah, it's coming back to me.

We were intimate with each other on this table.

- Yeah. - This was a place for smells

and discovery and connection.

A magical time that ended far too fast.

Is there a bathroom around here?

Yeah, it's outside to the left.

Thank you.

Show some spirit here. We're doing good.

Rosa wanted to be excited, but she had always been a careful person.

She couldn't help but wonder if it was smart to keep playing detective.

Dr. Campesino.

Hi. Detective Mendez.

Can I help you?

We'll see. Where's your boyfriend?

Don't have a boyfriend.

Huh. Heard you were asking around about Yancy.

So what? I barely know the guy.

Okay, but understand this. You help him in any way, you're fucked.

You know the shithead is wanted for murder?

Excuse me?

He shot a doctor.

I got an eyewitness that puts Yancy at the scene.

I have to get back to work.

Look, honey, Yancy's going down.

I'd hate to see you go down with him. Trust me.

He won't stay hidden for long.

The guy looks like Big Bird, and he can't shut his fucking mouth.

Entiendes?

Okay.

Where does The King and I get the ass to run down me and Big Bird?

I mean, Big Bird's tall, he's kind, he's got great legs.

He's loyal as hell to Snuffleupagus.

Focus. You're a wanted man in a police station.

How are we gonna get you out of here?

You need to come back to Sesame Street. Look at me.

- You're a wanted... - I'm a little concussed but I'm groovy.

This guy's toxic. He's spitting negativity and you're reacting to it.

With his lip still bloody and throbbing,

Egg had only one thing on his mind.

Either of you seen Neville?

No.

Should I tell him you're looking for him, Egg?

He knows.

Egg had two things going for him.

It wasn't a big island, and there weren't a lot of monkeys.

You and this monkey, Ya-Ya, is gonna be the end of me.

Looking for your boy Neville.

That's too bad.

I thought you were here for me.

Business before pleasure.

I ain't seen young Neville.

That's who mess up your face?

- Shame. So pretty. -

That's his monkey, innit?

It's her monkey now.

- -

Get a room, Ya-Ya.

And that's his boat.

Where is he?