The Dead Guy

Go.

All right, we're rolling in five,

four, three, two, and one.

Hello, and welcome to tonight's episode

of The Real Paranormal.

I'm your host, Danny Early.

Today we're joined by a very special guest.

He is FBI Agent Justice Brown

of Malachi Louisiana Police Department's

FBI Paranormal Division.

Agent Brown, welcome to the show.

Thank you.

So, Agent Brown,

should I refer to you as The Dead Guy

since that seems to be a name given to you

in certain circles? - No, no, don't call me,

I didn't come up with that name, first of all.

I don't know where it came from

but I'm not a big fan of it,

namely because what it does is

It seems to be disrespectful to the deceased.

Yeah.

As well as it tends to diminish what you do

almost at a level of vaudeville.

That's exactly it.

Which is odd

that you would have that type of sensitive insight

considering you just wanted to call me that 40 seconds ago.

Understood.

No, we definitely won't call you that.

All right, I appreciate that.

So, Agent Brown, I guess the million dollar question is,

how can you talk to these dead people?

Well, the pending theory from scientists

that I've been hearing

is that I have a rare metallic substance in my bloodstream

that I've had since I was born.

I mean, I bleed just like you and anybody else, I bleed red,

but it is this metallic substance.

And technically I should be dead,

about 47% of the stuff in me, I should be dead.

But for me, it's normal, you know, it's harmless.

And they seem to think that that has something to do with me

being able to talk to the dead.

But truth be known, man,

nobody knows how I can communicate with the dead.

Nobody.

So, Agent Brown, in addition to hearing these dead people,

do you ever see dead people?

- No. - 'Cause I gotta tell you,

if I saw dead people every day,

I would be hiding out somewhere in Hackensack, New Jersey,

in a confessional,

curled up in a fetal position with my thumb in my mouth.

No, I don't see them.

I mean, I'm glad I don't, because, I mean, think about it,

what kind of shape would they be in?

Exactly.

Some guy shot in the face with a shotgun,

half his face blown off?

Yeah, I mean, some poor woman who was strangled to death,

her eyes bulging out, tongue sticking out of her mouth.

Yeah, some person's been in the water for 10 days

and they're bloated and all disfigured.

I mean, half the time I wouldn't even, you know what?

Forget it, man, forget it.

No, to answer your question, I don't see dead people.

Okay.

Well, hearing them is definitely plenty enough

because as you said just now,

you really don't know what you're gonna get.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, for a while when I was younger,

it started off, I was hearing a lot of these calm,

soothing, motherly-type voices.

And every now and then a kid would slip in there, you know?

But then outta the blue,

one day this guy comes chiming in with this gruff,

loud-ass gruff, and he's like,

"Yeah, I'm Frank Bell.

I was the chief, brick masonry guy."

Whoa, whoa, man.

You know, I'm 11.

Ease into that shit.

With that gruff.

So you've always heard these voices then, even as a child?

Oh, yeah, yeah, unfortunately, yeah.

So why did it take you so long to,

really, until recently,

to let anyone know that you've always heard these voices?

Well, I mean, as a child growing up,

I thought everybody heard voices,

I mean, I thought that was just the way it was.

But then I would see on TV

whenever some guy would say he heard voices,

the first thing they would do

would be to put him in a straight jacket and lock him up.

- Right, right, right. - Yeah.

And this was like a recurring theme on, not just one,

but various television shows.

So at that point,

nah, I wasn't saying anything to anybody.

It's definitely understandable.

Yeah.

But at some point, you eventually did tell people

about those voices that you would hear.

So what was the turning point for you?

The turning point was,

I heard the voice of this little seven-year-old girl.

She told me she was murdered by her mother,

stuffed in a garbage bag,

and then stuffed down into a hole,

in a huge hole in a huge redwood tree in the backyard.

And this happened like 60 years prior or something.

But she said the house had been abandoned

and it was in a state of disrepair.

Disrepair?

What?

This seven-year-old girl,

she actually used the word, disrepair?

No, no, no.

No, she used the word decrepitude.

Yeah.

But it turns out that house, the little girl's house,

was only eight miles away from my house

- Really? - At that time.

So I mean, I drove over there, and man, there she was,

still inside that redwood tree, like she said.

I mean, after some trepidation,

I finally ended up calling the police to tell them.

Who obviously just totally embraced your story

of talking to a dead girl, right?

No they, I ain't saying they believed me

but they checked it out.

They knew I didn't have anything to do with it

'cause it was like years before I was even born

so that was okay with me.

Right.

So after about solving the fifth or sixth case,

police departments all over the world

started taking me a little more seriously.

So serious in fact that the FBI decided

to make me the head agent

at the newly formed FBI Paranormal Homicide Division,

of which I'm the only employee.

Detectives,

you told me you'd be here in 10 minutes, and that was,

yep, 32 minutes ago.

Apparently your 10 minutes is different from my 10 minutes.

What do you care?

We are 32 minutes late, Mayberry.

You have some place else to be in this horse-hit town?

As a matter of fact, I do.

Yeah.

Today's the county fair,

and you promised Aunt Vee and Opie you'd drive them

to the pie-baking contest.

Don't crack wise with me.

You tell me you'll be here in 10 minutes

then be here in 10 minutes.

It's called common courtesy.

So let me get this straight.

You two drive all the way out here to Ellenville, Louisiana,

because some psychic told you that there was a body

from an old homicide off of I-25?

Not some psychic.