House

House?

House?

Oh! My God!

What the hell?

Gotcha.

Did you actually wake up early

and hide under the bed just to scare the crap outta me?

Set an alarm and everything.

It's like dating a ten-year-old.

God, I hope not.

Now that we're down here...

Hold that thought.

Seriously?

I have to pee.

I'll wait.

I brought a book.

I didn't know what time your alarm was set for.

House?

You know, you can rent this space out down here.

In Japan, that would be like a deluxe--

House, shut up.

There's blood in my urine.

- Sync, corrected by elderman --

You really don't have to be here.

You're my girlfriend. I'm being supportive.

I'm mainly talking about them.

Well, given that there's almost certainly

nothing wrong with you,

and my patient definitely has something wrong with him--

That can't wait an hour?

'Fraid not.

He's...

Chase.

16-year-old male spit up blood

during a pick-up basketball game.

E.R. couldn't find the source in his lungs

or GI tract.

See? Serious.

Could be vasculitis, bronchiectasis,

inhaled particles. What about angiodysplasia?

Ready when you are...

Get them outta here.

My urethra is not for public entertainment.

But it is a good-time adjacent.

Feed the kid a camera.

Check his got for angiodysplasia.

All right. If you could scoot down.

Hey, I'm, uh, I'm missing a watch.

So can you keep your eyes open while-- Okay!

You too.

This little camera

transmits images to the data recorder

so we can see

if you've got any vascular malformations

in your GI tract.

Your records show you've lost some weight

over the past year.

- Was that intentional? - Not really.

Well, he's been

eating less since he quit the swim team.

You have to get up early for swim.

It wasn't fun anymore.

I need to talk to your son about sexual activity.

Generally, it's less embarrassing for everyone--

We're leaving.

Actually, I've only--

How long have you been cutting yourself?

Those are from a layback grind that went wrong.

Came off my skateboard straight into a fence.

So...no to cutting

but yes to appetite and sleep changes,

and you quit something you used to enjoy.

How long have you been depressed?

Imaging showed no sign

of upper GI issues.

But the kid did admit to being depressed

and to smoking pot to take the edge off.

You are very pleased with yourself, aren't you?

His marijuana could be laced with formaldehyde or lead,

which could cause a pulmonary hemorrhage

which could make him spit up blood.

Yes. Yes, I am. I thought it was a good catch.

Run a lead level and push 5 liters IV fluid.

Feel free to tip your other server.

Cystoscopy was clean.

- Cytopathology was normal. - Why do you have my lab results?

I don't.

If I did, I'd know you were fine.

Unless the blood came from my kidneys.

Come on. Your hypochondriac mom

had a brush with mortality last month,

and it's understandable that you're worrying more than usual,

worrying that you might turn into her.

You're right.

Odds are, this is nothing.

Meet me in the cafeteria in ten.

There'll be a corn dog with your name on it.

I mean an actual corn dog. They fixed the deep fryer.

I need to schedule an ultrasound.

My dad's head's still in one piece,

so I'm guessing you didn't mention the pot.

What'd you tell him?

The truth. You had a...

minor chemical exposure,

and we can't be 100% sure how it happened.

Thanks for covering.

I know what it's like to be 16.

You also know what it's like to be depressed.

You figured out my deal after only a few minutes,

but I been fooling my friends and parents for months.

It's my job to notice things.

Maybe talking to your parents would make things better.

I've tried.

They take it personally that I'm not happy,

and then I end up having to make them feel better.

They don't get me.

No one does.

In Med School, it seemed like

everybody else could handle the pressure.

I couldn't.

I ended up hurting myself.

Stupidest thing I've ever done.

You've got red spots in your eyes.

They weren't there before.

You have nice skin.

Thank you. Shut up!

Sorry. Just thought it would be rude not to comment.

Just treat me like any other patient.

Right.

Are you sucking in your stomach?

No.

Hurry up before I pass out.

Wilson?

Ultrasound isn't definitive.

We should run other tests before--

Stop talking like a doctor and tell me what you see.

There's a mass in your kidney.

We still don't know why Ryan coughed blood,

and now he's got small hemorrhages in his eyes.

Sounds like an acquired coagulapathy

which gives us a pretty wide differential.

Gets a lot narrower

if we factor in his depression.

Oh, don't do that!

Mood swings can be a symptom of physiological illness.

I'm not talking to you.

Mood swings are also a symptom of adolescence

along with emo music and masturbation.

More importantly, his weight loss

and sleeping issues started a year ago.

Infection makes the most sense.

He shoots hoops at school, showers in the locker room.

- I'm thinking staph. - Damn!

You don't think--

Not talking to you!

- Everything okay with Cuddy? - She's fine.

She's just too stupid to accept it.

Start him on nafcillin for staph.

All that's in the, uh,

First Mutual safety deposit box.

The retirement accounts--

You're freaking out because of one ultrasound

performed by an incompetent bonobo monkey.

As demonstrated by my sitting here calmly

going about my business.

Calling a lawyer, drafting a will!

Okay. I-I...

hacked into your online schedule.

Look, tests always show something.

A mass in your kidney could be a complex cyst.

- It could be benign. - I'm a single mom.

I need to set up a trust, appoint a guardian.

It's silly that I haven't done it before now.

But you're doing it now because you think you're sick.

The freaking out can at least wait

until after the biopsy this afternoon.

The biopsy's not till tomorrow.

It's the first opening in the schedule.

For the Dean of Medicine,

the first opening in the schedule is...

Oh, look! Now.

My worry isn't any more important than anyone else's.

Actually, it is.

But I'm not sick, right?

Good point.

I want my stuff, asshat.

I told you, man, I don't have it here.

Hey...

Guys.

Everything okay?

On my way out.

I'll see you later.

You wanna... tell me what's going on?

My friend gave me some leftover Klonopin he had

when he switched his seizure meds.

I sold them thru Roid Rage for 80 bucks,

but I landed in here before I could deliver,

and now he's gonna rip my arms off.

How often do you sell drugs?

It was a one-time thing.