Elf Me

SAN NICOLA AL MONTE, ITALY 1,486 METERS -2°C,

DECEMBER 21ST

You're dead.

You're dead! Dead!

Dead!

Mom, can't you wake me up by shouting, like all normal moms?

I've killed all normal moms.

Take that! And that!

Do you think Dad will be back for Christmas?

Haven't you heard? His helicopter was downed by a shark.

Come on, can't you be serious for once?

- We're real crazy, aren't we? - Maybe a little too much.

Elia, don't talk about yourself that way.

I wasn't talking about myself.

Oh, thanks.

You're lucky I'm late or I'd have tickled you to death.

I'm running to the store.

Why? Have we finally had a customer?

It's not my fault if people don't play anymore

with good old-fashioned toys.

Anyhow, I like the marionette.

Enjoy your day, sweetie. And remember...

Never stop dreaming, even when you're awake.

Good boy.

Say, "Bye!"

- Bye. - Bye!

SANTA'S WORKSHOP, NORTH POLE 2,147 METERS -49°C

Cheer up, my friends! Only a few days to Christmas.

A storm of gifts has been forecast by the weather service

for all good children. None for the naughty ones, of course.

We remind you it's strictly forbidden to interact with children.

But keep up the Christmas magic.

I won't fail. He loves huge pencils.

I hope I'm not too late.

Public service announcement.

Whoever has been using the glitter-gun must clean it before putting it back.

Calm down, be quiet!

I will call you. Take a number.

Talking about toys, today is the last day

to present your latest inventions.

Will Trip be kicked out of the boss' office again this year?

Or will they stop him before he sets foot inside?

- Nine! - Here it is!

Come.

Whoever has had their prototype approved,

please approach the assembly area for a test.

Highest Royalty, may I?

Naughty kids...

are on the rise.

Are you there, Your Toyness?

Who's there?

Dear old Trip!

What have you brought me this year?

Have you made me any new toys?

Yes, I'm a bit nervous, though, nearly moved,

because this time I've outdone myself.

I made this. It's called Multi-Sound Whistle.

Oh, cute!

What are you doing here, Trip?

I gave you ticket number 60, and they just called number nine.

How is that possible?

Trip.

Your Playfulness, his behavior is jeopardizing

the elven kinship which has characterized us for millennia.

Idiot!

Your Toyness, this whistle can emit

any sound you want to hear.

Children will love it!

Let me hear the sound of kittens, you know I like those.

Yes. This works the other way around. You have to suck in.

And now give me a horror movie scream. Come on!

For goodness sake.

Now I'd like the shoelace of a man's shoe from the '50s

rubbing against a gramophone.

I love gramophones.

But... Trip! But...

Well done.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

Last, but not least, my latest invention.

Perhaps my greatest masterpiece.

Well! Let's see.

This one.

This is the spinn...

The spinn...

The spinn...

- Spinning topper. - Yes.

It basically works like a spinn... A spinn...

- A spinning top. - Thanks.

But it's not the top that spins, it's...

the room!

The whole room spins around.

Yes. The whole room is spinning around.

But then you know how to turn it off, right?

Well, I'm working on that!

How do we stop it?

Trip!

Now stop it!

Trip!

Stop it right now, Trip!

How?

Stop it!

I'm sorry!

Trip. I'll kill you!

Next up!

These contraptions'll be kept here...

REJECTED PROTOTYPES STORAGE

...along with those from past years.

Your inventions are dangerous.

Crazy.

But my toys give kids the thrill they seek.

What do you know about what kids seek? Have you ever seen one?

What do you know about them? Studied them in handbooks?

Like they were home appliances.

Well, unlike you, though,

I am still... still a crafter elf!

You miserable loser!

I was out of line.

Trip, I know they are looking for a new football stitcher. Sorry.

Come on, you're taking ages! Hurry up.

- Give it back! - Come on, let me open it.

I want to open it myself.

Hands off!

- Are you ready? - Go for it.

Wünderkammer's sacred hammer.

Got it.

The Son of Troll!

But it's a half-blood's card!

The Crafter Elf!

With the power to forge magical artifacts?

I don't have it.

Come on, read his skills!

Come on!

Hi, losers.

Hi, Giada.

Is that a Buddy Buddy? How did you get it?

Who told you that you can talk to me?

I gave it to her. My dad is the only one who can sell them.

Unlike that loser mom of yours, who only sells trash.

What are you hiding there? Show me.

Run!

Chicken shits!

Let's go get our bikes.

Come on, they're running away!

Come on! Come on!

Come on, faster!

When will you learn how to ride a bike?

Leave me here. Save yourself.

No! We can make it!

If I catch you, I'll kill you!

They're getting too close.

We can make it, trust me!

Ouch!

- Give it back! - Why?

What if I don't?

Come on, come at me.

Do you want it back?

Come to the sled race tomorrow. At the Devil's Leap.

If you don't die, it'll be yours.

But you don't have the guts, anyway.

Dummy.

Come on, let's get out of here.

Forget him. That half-blood.

Son of a troll.

These good antique toys are nice, aren't they?

A bit too old-fashioned, though.

I bet even Elia is giving you a headache with Buddy Buddy.

If I were given a penny every time someone asks me for one,

I'd be rich by now.

You said the magic word, dear.

"Rich."

Hi, Ivana. How are you?

I managed to get a whole container of them.

Even San Nicola al Monte will become the center of the world.

Ciocca, please put this thing away.

But Ivana! Don't you want me?

No, I don't! I'd rather go bankrupt.

Every Christmas is the same old story.

Everyone goes crazy for the toy of the moment

and the next day... Poof! They forget all about it.

God forbid...

You're right, Ivana, but the public makes the demand.

Whatever.

We're here to give the public what they want, right?

Tell me... How many would you like to order?

One hundred, 200? Come on.

Ivana,

I know you're having a hard time here.

And now that your husband has gone, well...

it must be hard.

And it will be even harder

when all the other shops sell my stuff.

I'm saying this for your good, Ivana.

You don't give a damn about me,

about Christmas, about toys, and not even about kids!

Last year you sold counterfeited washing machines

and Luigino went belly-up. And what about Rosa, the baker?

She went bankrupt when you started making that thing...

The lab-grown, gluten-free wheat. You're a shark.

A bad shark.

You're breaking my heart, Ivana.