The Beauty

For centuries…

…humanity has searched.

Humanity… Humanity has searched with great desperation, seeking answers.

Desperately seeking answers

to the world's greatest

and most confounding questions.

For the greatest and most confounding questions that plague us.

The limitations of our physical selves.

Well, ladies and gentlemen,

today, we say no more.

Say it with me. No more!

No more limits,

no more weakness, no more illness, no more age,

no more sickness, no more ugly. No fucking more!

Today,

I present you the answer,

the solution,

the savior, the proof,

me.

The new and improved Byron Forst.

Once, an old man staring mortality in the face.

Riddled with cancer, cholesterol, decay, age.

Now, this.

With one simple injection,

I met… …the new and improved version of myself.

It is time to meet the new improved versions of yourselves.

It is time to become…

A beauty.

Obesity and advanced diabetes were threatening my life and my legs.

I was told amputation was in my future.

But not anymore. Thanks to The Beauty…

…I'm living my best life.

After a life filled with antidepressants and crummy therapists,

I became a cop to help me cope with my big-boned huskiness.

Cursed by my family genes.

Until now.

Long ago, we were forced to leave our best selves behind.

Aging, illness and nursing home food lie ahead.

I can't even remember my own name.

Alzheimer's is staring me in the face.

As is another round of breast cancer. Life is not fair.

No need to consult a doctor.

The Beauty and its aesthetic protector boosters are approved for everyone.

Need help cleaning up your gooey sac

or a soothing voice to hold you through those beautiful sweats?

But don't wait. You've arrived at the intersection of life.

Don't make the wrong turn. Get jabbed and feel fab today.

Side effects include nausea, vomiting, diarrhea,

anal leakage, vaginal secretions, penile drip, calcified butt cheeks,

heart palpitations, blindness, fever, superheated fever

and combustion ignition ketosis.

If you find yourself inside a transition sac for more

than six hours, call an ambulance.

The Corporation is not responsible for any side effects,

death, bodily harm caused by this treatment.

By ingesting, you forfeit class action rights

and agree to lifetime secret arbitration at the discretion of The Corporation.

You need to eat something.

In here? Are you fucking insane?

Why are they doing this to us?

Maybe they don't know what to do with us.

Maybe we're a… a danger to society because we're contagious.

Maybe some twisted social experiment.

Yeah, maybe all of it.

Here, take this. You're only one day out of the sac,

and the food's gonna be out any second.

I don't care. I'd rather starve to death than rot in here forever.

When that girl exploded,

a piece of her got into my mouth.

I tasted her.

I think that's how I caught it. Whatever this is.

I can't see my face, but it feels different. It feels different, you know?

You're very good-looking.

I am?

Hmm.

So are you.

You're beautiful.

I always wanted to be that.

Have someone call me that.

I never was.

Come on!

Come on. Get up.

Move!

Stop it.

- No, no! - Fuck! No!

Here. Take mine.

You're fine. You're fine. All is well.

- Fuck this! I want out! - Barry, you need to calm down.

- You hear me? - Don't give them the satisfaction.

Let me the fuck out of here!

- I wanna go home! - Don't let them see you break. Please.

You need to listen to me.

- I don't belong in here. - You gotta calm down.

None of us belong in here.

Stand back.

Relax. They're here to save us.

We're in position.

Copy that.

Execute.

Hey, now what the fuck's wrong with you, huh?

Twitching and glitching and shit.

Come on, J, you gotta be smarter.

Please try. Dear God, these two are blinking like idiots.

Communicating. Morse code. They think they're so fucking smart.

Who the fuck is Morse and what's the goddamn code?

This is what I'm saying, young grasshopper.

It's about awareness, surroundings, entrances, exits, eyes, threats.

I'm only a threat if you make me one.

Well, you're just itchin' to finish what we started in there, huh?

Wow. Sassy, defensive.

Your one-eyed friend is profiling like a very nervous perp right now.

It's just how my man is.

No, these two lovebirds, they're flustered, you know,

'cause they're stuck in the land of heavy petting and dry humping.

Look at you. Probably got calluses all over that thing

waiting for this pussy to pass safety inspection.

I mean, if he loved you, he'd just go for it, right?

He'd be going in dick first, ask questions later.

You should be deep diving, back stroking and super soaking in that punani, man.

Best thing that ever happened to me was getting infected.

- I'm just saying. - Hundred Percent.

Go on, Cooper.

You know, you got a face like a catcher's mitt.

I mean, you're the only one here who hasn't turned pretty yet, so…

Water's warm. Come on in.

About to get real fucking warm from what I hear.

Did he tell you how this thing works?

I bet he left out a few details.

Uh, here they go. Here they go with the routine.

Play one against the other and all that blinking was them hatching the plan.

They pinned you as the weak one. Mocking you, J.

You gonna let them disrespect you like that?

You're gonna let him treat you like an idiot?

This thing is a death sentence.

Even if it wasn't, you really think there's a version of any of this

where you just walk out alive?

Oh.

Oh. He really doesn't know, does he?

Guess they're just gonna let him pop like all the others.

Hey!

No more eyes, no more lips, no more motherfucking bullshit.

You hear me? You understand? Hmm?

All I know is y'all better stop fucking around with me.

Hey, what's she talking about?

Am I really gonna pop?

Just listen to me, okay? Don't fucking listen to these two.

Showtime!

Well, they're all yours, gentlemen. Enjoy.

I'm kinda bummed.

I wanted those two to myself, but I do love a good edge and denial sesh.

You fellas mind if I watch?

Remember what I told you.

Flattery, but no sign of desperation.

Desperation triggers disdain, and you'll never recover.

Dad.

Get up.

Byron, aren't you going to say happy birthday to our dear Gunther?

I'm sorry.

You two have been institutionalized for so long, I can't tell you apart.

Who's the birthday boy?

Is it bald and fat or is it the one that looks

like a 7-Eleven bag filled with bones?

You know, it doesn't matter. None of this matters.

Oh, no, no, no. Uh, steak. Well done. Thousand Island on the side, please.

Is she new? She's new. Must be.

The fuck is that? Whoa, whoa.

Well, uh, the boys, they want to tell you something important. Please.

We, uh… We really love and appreciate what you've done for us.

Yeah, yeah, we want to cut the cord. Stand on our own.

By starting our own company.

Based on a big idea.

A can't-miss big idea.

I mean, today might be my birthday,

but really, we wanted to take this moment and give our greatest gift

- to you, Dad. - Cut the shit.

How much is this gonna cost me?

Come on, come on. Continue, continue. Con…

Yeah.

You're in on this. You're in on this.

- Look. Look. - Presenting…

Abroha!

The world's first...

Streaming service for… …bros.

What exactly does such a service provide?

- Speedboats. - Golf stuff.

- Boobs. - Cigar content.

Wow. Uh, I mean, wow, this, uh…

I have to tell you, I am relieved.

I was terrified this was gonna be some kind of insane idea,

like going to the backyard and lighting $20 billion on fire.

But this…

This is so much more sensible.

How long have you two been clean?

Hmm.

Yeah. Forget it. I… You know, I met a progeria case the other day,

delightful young girl on death's door.

And she had a more promising trajectory in life than you two.

- Byron, stop it, please! Stop it. - No. No. No.

Do you know what I really want? What I really want?

Yes.