Drop Dead Diva

See that aspiring model there?

That's me, Deb,

until the day I died.

I thought I'd go straight to heaven,

but there was a bit of a mix-up,

and I woke up in someone else's body.

So now I'm Jane,

a super-busy lawyer with my very own assistant.

I got a new life, a new wardrobe,

and the only people who really know what's going on with me

are my girlfriend, Stacy,

and my guardian angel, Paul.

I used to think everything happened for a reason.

Whoo!

Well, I sure hope I was right.

Previously on Drop Dead Diva...

Oh, hi.

I thought you were someone else.

It's me, the real Jane.

And I want my life back.

Owen, suppose this gets serious and then we break up.

I don't want my child to be around parents who don't get along.

So for the sake of the baby,

we need to break up.

I understand.

Elaine is dying.

I realize she's not really my mom, you know?

But...

Right now that just doesn't matter.

Grayson.

Oh.

That's just great.

My mom dies,

and you don't even have the decency to let me know,

and then I find you out here making out with him.

I'm so sorry.

Jane, what's going on?

Why don't you tell him?

Tell me what?

Jane isn't really who you think she is.

Who is she? Why don't you ask her?

Sweetie, it's 5:00 a.m. Are you okay?

Yeah, just rearranging the kitchen.

You know, I've always thought that the spatulas were too far from the stove.

And did you know that we have seven ladles?

Jane, I've watched enough "Dr. Drew"

to know that those ladles are a distraction

from thinking about your mom passing away.

Do you want to talk? I can make us some tea,

which we no longer keep in that cupboard.

I'm devastated about Elaine, but this isn't about Elaine.

This is about Grayson.

What?

We kissed. Really?

It was amazing.

But in the middle of the kiss, Brittany shows up.

And who's Brittany? Old Jane.

She heard that her mom died and completely unloaded on me

for not telling her that Elaine was sick.

And then she tells Grayson

that I'm not who he thinks I am.

Ladies, can you please turn out the lights?

If I don't get my eight hours, I'm useless.

Paul, clearly in crisis mode.

Mmm, here. Use my extra plush eye pillow

keeps the light out, minimizes crow's feet.

Mmm. Thank you.

Carry on.

So, what happened next?

Brittany took off, and before I had a chance to talk to Grayson,

he raced after her.

My God. It's like my whole life was leading up to this kiss.

You know? And now I'm terrified

of what else Brittany might have said.

Oh, sweetie.

You know what? I just need to find Grayson

convince him that Brittany is crazy... Yeah.

And that we are destined to live happily ever after.

Well, you're really good at convincing people of things.

Remember when you convinced me that a Brazilian wax wouldn't hurt?

F.Y.I. you were wrong.

Yeah, well...

It was bikini season. It had to be done.

Okay, so, I'm gonna take a shower and head to work early

so I'll already be at the office when Grayson gets in.

Jane.

Hey.

I'm really sorry about your mother.

Thanks.

Why are you in Grayson's office,

looking at a photo of his dead girlfriend?

Um...

Oh, um...

Why... Why are you here so early?

Well, it's kind of hard to sleep when I'm the managing partner

and Kim is still on maternity leave.

Right. That... That being said,

if you need some time... Thanks.

I really appreciate that.

It actually kind of helps to focus on work.

Sure. Your pro bono case. What?

You got an intake this morning.

Make sure the client fills out all the forms

so that the firm gets credit with the bar.

Yes, I will.

Well, I should go, um...

Prep for that meeting.

I need your help, Ms. Bingum.

I got your name from the legal aid website.

Okay, so, you are the lunch lady at South Oak elementary,

and you're claiming the school district is not feeding hungry kids?

The superintendent raised the eligibility criteria,

which cut 56 needy children from the hot lunch program.

Well, that doesn't seem right.

These kids live below the poverty line.

When they come to me for food, it breaks my heart to say no.

But if I feed them, I'm in violation of school policy.

Right.

Okay. So, what can I do?

I need you to represent these students.

There's a school board meeting at 11:00.

11:00 today?

I thought the superintendent would come to his senses.

I've written e-mails. I've called his office.

But he's completely ignored me.

Yeah, well, he won't be able to ignore me.

Owen, I just put the most handsome client in your office.

I don't have anything on the books.

He said he didn't need an appointment

that Dudley Doright would always make time for him?

Oh, no.Should I call security?

I could cuff him myself, take him back to my place

for a house arrest and a little light feather play?

No. No, Teri. Uh, it's fine.

Thank you.

Charlie, what are you doing here?

Nice digs.

I really should have become a lawyer.

Yeah, yeah, that was the plan until you pocketed the deposit

that I gave you for your tuition,

defaulted on the student loans that I co-signed for,

and then partied across the world for a decade.

Hell of a ride.

Ran with the bulls in Pamplona,

stomped grapes in Bordeaux,

climbed a glacier in Iceland

and by glacier, I mean a girl named Helga.

Seriously, you should have joined me on this trip.

Why are you here?

Can't a guy visit his older brother?

I haven't seen you in 12 years. Why are you here?

I need your help. I'm being sued by the Honey Pot.

It's a strip club in the valley. You're unbelievable.

Well, I was in the V.I.P. Room getting a lap dance,

and the stripper lifted my wallet.

They're suing me for defamation.

I was so upset about my wallet

It's a website that rates gentlemen's clubs.

You're serious?

Yeah, I gave them zero stars and warned other men not to go to the Honey Pot

because their strippers are thieves.

Well, if the club can prove that your review is untrue

and caused economic losses, then, yeah, you've got yourself a real problem.

But my review is true.

I had my wallet in my jacket pocket before the lap dance.

And when it was over, it was gone.

You've only been here two minutes.

You're already giving me a headache.

Look...

Against my better judgment,

I will set up a meeting with the club's lawyer

and try to settle this as quickly as possible.

Thank you. One condition.

No one at this firm can know you're my brother.

I'm very close with my co-workers.

I was even engaged to one of the partners.

And you didn't even tell anyone about me?

I wasn't sure I'd ever see you again, Charlie.

I get it.

Listen, I know I've messed up in life,

and... I really appreciate your help.

The superintendent's cutback in the hot lunch program is invalid,

as he failed to comply with the sunshine law,

which requires transparency in public proceedings.

I only adjusted a pre-existing formula.

Thus, the sunshine law does not apply.

Seriously? In front of all these loving, caring parents,

you expect the board to agree with you on that?

Actually, we agree with the superintendent's analysis.

Has the board considered the huge impact this change

will have on the 56 students' health and welfare,

which you are legally required to protect?

The policy change was a tough call,

but our schools are besieged with budget shortfalls.

If our children aren't properly nourished,

how are they supposed to concentrate in class?

And shouldn't that be your number one concern?

Ms. Bingum, your passion is impressive.

Well, thank you.

I'm sorry, but the board stands behind the superintendent.