Avoidance

This programme contains strong language

We are not having a little break, OK?

This is it, me ending it.

Our relationship, it is over.

We're going to tell Spencer today

because I am leaving.

Well, technically you are,

but we tell him today.

No, you're right.

We should...

...take a little break and then we can sit down

and talk things through.

Jonathan...

...we are not having a little break.

Can I just ask why today?

Look, people split up after an explosive argument.

Isn't... Isn't somebody supposed to throw the other person's stuff out

the window or something?

Do you know how much I would love to have an explosive

argument with you?

You don't even raise your voice, let alone throw something

out of the window!

I could throw something out of a window.

Oh, are you...? Yeah, I am.

Oh, you're going to throw a mug out of a window, are you?

Yeah, well, obviously, you know, it would look mental.

It's pointless. Yeah, yeah.

Look, I'm really sorry, but we are going to have to tell Spencer now.

But, Claire, we can't tell him just before school.

Yeah, OK, you're right.

But we tell him tonight. Exactly.

Then we have a bit of time to cool off. Oh, my...

Right, Jonathan, I'm going to say this one final time.

It is over.

OK, I get it. I get it.

I get it.

Let's see how we feel after the dust settles?

Breakfast in bed. What's going on?

What did you do?

Well, you know I've just finished that contract?

I just thought I'd take a bit of time off the grind.

What, the grind of being a graphic designer?

Yes, Dan. You're the one that said I needed to be,

you know, less stressy.

Wasn't your last contract creating a sexy French potato?

And does that sound easy?

Mm, point taken.

So I thought I'd do a bit more cooking,

and tonight I booked us in to Aston Lodge Spa.

Wow.

Thank you.

That's great. Mm.

So with more time off you can get used to these frittatas.

Frittata. Frittata.

Frittata. Yeah, you know what?

It's delicious. Thank you.

Well, you haven't had any yet.

What? You haven't tasted it.

Yes.

Wow.

Just very flavoursome.

Is it? Mm.

Yeah, I'm going to go and get some croissants.

Yes, please.

And a coffee.

Dad, just tell them that's not what you asked for.

It's fine. They're busy.

They get your order wrong pretty much every day.

Yeah, I know. That's exactly why I can't tell them,

because then they'll know I've never mentioned it.

It's too late.

I'll just... hide the ham under this brown toast

I also didn't order.

PHONE ALERT

Do you want a milkshake?

Before school? It's, like, 8am.

Mate, milkshakes don't get healthier later in the day.

But I now retract the offer, so well done.

HE CLEARS THROAT All right.

Weird.

Why do we have to do spellings?

We have computers nowadays and they have spell check.

The truth is computers can do everything - obviously they can.

But you might as well learn as much as you can so that you've got

something to offer in case of a robot apocalypse or something.

A robot apocalypse would be amazing.

I totally agree.

Apocalypse.

A-P-O-C...

...A-L...

...P-Y-S-E.

No. A-P-O-C-A-L...

...Y-P-S-E. Yes, Spencer!

See?

They'd definitely keep you around to be some sort of robot butler

or English teacher or whatever.

What would they make you?

Ah, probably like fuel.

I'm sort of big enough to keep a car going for about an hour.

How was everything?

Oh, it was great. Really good. Thank you.

Thanks so much. Delightful.

That was a bit much.

PHONE ALERT

Dad? TINNITUS-TYPE RINGING

Are you all right?

Erm...

Yeah, it's...

...just Mum reminding me to give you a big kiss.

OK. Come on, let's go.

Oh, don't worry, mate. I'll take this for you.

Thank you! You just leave that.

Yeah. I'm not your butler. OK. OK.

Dad joke.

What can I tell you? I'm a dad.

A-D-J...

...E-C-E-N-T?

OK, it's A-C-E-N-T. Oh. All right?

So just remember that. But you're going to be great.

It's going to be wicked, all right?

OK. Have a good one. Bye, Dad.

All right, bye. Have a good day.

Good luck in your spelling test.

Johnny...

Amanda, hi.

I spoke to Claire.

What?

She told me everything.

Everything about what?

I've been out of the door for, like, an hour.

Oh, Jonathan, I'm so, so sorry.

I think you might have the wrong end of the stick, Amanda.

What exactly did she say?

Well, that it's over.

Well, I think you...

You might have misunderstood the situation, so...

I mean, her exact words were,

"It's definitely over between Jonathan and me, definitely."

She used the word definitely twice, did she?

I mean, it could've been more, to be honest.

Right, well, erm...

...Amanda, I'd really appreciate it if you didn't talk to anyone

about, erm, well, what you think you know.

Yeah, of course, of course.

I think Darren might've overheard me on the phone.

You know what kids are like, ear-wigging everything,

but I'm absolutely sure he wouldn't... say anything.

You must let me know, mustn't you, if I can do anything at all

to help you through this time, OK, because...

It's not true, Darren!

It is true.

Your dad's a loser and your mum's leaving him.

I'm telling you, it's not true!

Loser, loser!

Loser, loser, loser!

...because I'm here to support you, so call me...

Amanda, I've got to go.

Mm... Oh.

FAST-PACED ROCK MUSIC

MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY Oh... Hiya.

MUSIC RESTARTS

Good morning. How may I help?

Er, ah, yeah. C-could I speak to...

I need to speak to Spencer Sawyer, please.

He's in Mrs Greenwich's form.

I'm his dad.

Gosh, is everything all right? Yeah, everything's fine. I just...

I need to speak to him quite urgently, please.

Emma? Emma, do me a little favour, please, sweetie.

Run along to Mrs Greenwich's class and ask for...

Spencer Sawyer.

...Spencer to come to the office.

His dad's here.

Well, so do you mind getting a move on?

Sorry, it's just... It's quite...

It's urgent. That's all.

I'm sorry about that. It's just...

Oh, no, no, no. It's fine. It's fine.

I hope it's, erm...

...nothing too serious?

Oh, it's really not, actually. It's...

If you need somewhere private to talk to Spencer,

we have the quiet room there that you can...

Yeah, thanks. We'll be fine.

You know best.

I mean, it's just it's really not a big thing, so... Like I say...

...you know, I don't want to create a fuss. You know best.

Yeah. No, yeah. It's just, erm...

Ah, also, we have our family liaison officer,

Mrs Hepworth.

I can call her if you like. You don't need to...

She is specifically trained to help deliver news.

But there is no news! Actually. Oh... Sorry.

It's just there is... Sorry, I didn't...

It's just there is no news. I didn't mean to pry.

Yeah, no. I'm just saying that we have help

if you'd like it.

Actually, could we...

Could we forget Spencer, actually, sort of cancel the order for Sp...

Could we... Is it possible to get Darren out of class, please?