Bloody Letters

Suicide & Crisis Lifeline "Happy Life", this is Charlotte, how can I help you?

Hello ma'am..

Hi, what is your name?

My name is Anna..

Hi Anna, and how old are you?

I'm 12..

Okay, and where are your parents or your guardian?

They're dead..

Do you mean for a while now or...?

No, they just died..

Okay Anna, take a breath. In through your nose, out through your mouth..

I'm going to ask you a few questions and I want you to answer them as honest as possible, okay?

- Yes, ma'am. - Okay, sweetheart.

Do you think your parents did this to themselves or is there an imminent threat nearby?

No, I think they did it themselves..

There is a letter here, or something..

Okay, uhm..

Are there dangerous objects in your area that could pose a danger to you?

I have a knife here, from the kitchen..

Anna, I want you to put that knife down and leave that room.

Yes, but.. - Go and do that. I will stay right here.

No!

Now that my parents are gone, I don't want to be here anymore.

I'm gonna kill myself, do you hear me? Right now.

Anna, I understand you're upset, but..

No! You do not!

Everyone always thinks that they know how I feel, but nobody does..

I'm only 12!

And what I've been through, some people don't even experience in their entire life..

I'm just so exhausted..

I didn't have an easy childhood either.

And I was also so tired of everyone telling me how to feel.

Really, I've been through this!

But it will get better! Not right away, but over time..

Give it a chance.

I just can't anymore..

Then do it for your parents! They want what's best for you.

Then why did they kill themselves? Huh?

Thanks to them I am going to be placed in a foster home..

Hey, you don't even know that..

I'm sure your family will welcome you with open arms!

I have no family! I have nobody!

Everyone is dead! I'm the last one left..

Please don't do this!

I care about you, and when you get to know the world you will find

that there are millions of people who will also care about you.

You don't even know me, how can you care about me?

Because you're human? A beautiful, sweet child who deserves a wonderful future.

We are all together on this planet, no one is alone!

Anna?

I guess life just isn't for me..

Something wasn't right all along..

Anna, just put that knife down, go grab a glass of water and call the police on another phone.

It would be the perfect ending..

This is how it should be..

I really don't know how I could live without them..

Bye Charlotte. It was nice meeting you.

Do you have friends? Do you have any favorite shows?

I'm sorry it had to go like this.

But that is not your doing? I just want you to...

And?

He's not doing well at all.

And it's not that strange. 28 years isn't gone in a flash, you know?

There is nothing in those eyes.

So he's still not talking?

No, not a word. He doesn't even ask for a phone call.

Well, it probably won't happen anymore.

According to the municipal archives, he has no family at all.

And according to the people next to him, he's just a bit of a loner.

He never went on company outings, drinks, parties, nothing at all.

Hey, maybe that pen pal program could be something for him?

To be honest, I've been thinking about that too.

But yeah, I don't know if he would open up so fast.

You don't gain his trust that easily. That's obvious, isn't it?

You can at least ask him. Maybe he likes the idea!

Yeah. Maybe I'll do that..

Great! So we're done!

Do you really think it's just solved now?

Men..

Hey John.

I've been thinking..

I know you find it difficult to open yourself up..

But what if you can get in touch with someone from the outside world by letter?

A boy or a girl, to share your thoughts with.

Your own personal pen pal.

Would you like that?

Will the letters be read by other people too?

Yes, what do you think?

If you're planning on blowing me up, I'd really like to know.

But..

I guarantee that your privacy will be protected.

You can talk about anything with that person.

I want a girl, around 18 years old.

No sorry, John.

I just want to clarify that this is not a dating service.

It's a serious option.

We can also skip it, but then you can't talk to anyone from the outside world for 28 years, so..

The choice is yours.

All right then.

I'm not that picky after all.

I always fuck everything anyways.

Okay.. Well.. Uhm..

I'm going to get the papers ready for you.

I just want to tell you that I think it's good that you finally speak.

Keep doing that.

Do you think I could ever let it go?

Look, of course we can't sugarcoat it.

You just went through something terrible.

First that horrible rape and then getting pregnant too, and having to give up your child..

You keep carrying that with you for the rest of your life.

That's not what you want to hear, I guess. But it is the reality.

Not everyone processes their trauma in the same way or time.

For you there will also come a day when you process your trauma.

And that you can finally give it a place to rest.

But yeah, that could be in a week, in a month or a year, that doesn't matter.

But letting go is going to be harder than you think.

But when will I finally be able to do what others are doing?

I see so many people partying, going out, and..

Every time I try that and I've done my make-up, then..

Then I just get too scared..

Then I see that horrible image in front of me of that night again, and..

How he stopped me, and..

Then I just get too scared..

And I just don't want to become a boring, old biddy.

There's a passion in me, some kind of fire, and..

I don't want that to..

I'm just not like that.

Yes, but that will all come back again!

That's why you just have to make sure that fire that's inside you doesn't go out.

That's why you have to keep fighting. Focus on our agreements.

I do that. Daily, as promised.

Something in me would secretly want to know how she is doing.

Who adopted her, how she named her dolls, what her favorite movie is..

Any place is better than with me, I'm sure of that..

You can't say that.

Yes, I can.

She will be 7 next week. How time flies! 7 years!

That guy's a lawyer now, did you hear?

And I am still, thanks to him, sitting traumatized on the floor..

I also just have to look for another job. This is so not it for me..

Yeah, but we've already discussed that, haven't we?

I said very clearly that I thought you wouldn't be able to take that mentally.

That that would be way too much for you.

I know..

I just really wanted to do something for other human beings.

If I had such a helping hand in the past, then.

Things would have turned out much better, so..

I thought, if I could be that person for someone else, then..

Then that was my calling, so to speak.

But I didn't expect that I would only torment myself more by doing that.

That girl..

Her scream of terror, I..

I just can't get it out of my head?

No, but that's perfectly normal.

That kid actually committed suicide on the phone.

If that wouldn't bother you, I would send you to an institution right away.

I just wish I had someone besides you to open my heart to.

But more kind of like a friend, or something?

Someone who wouldn't dump me when the going gets tough, that would be really nice..

Well, while we're at it, I think I might have something for you.

Oh?

I had a patient a month ago and she actually wanted the same thing as you.

She really wanted to open her heart to a complete stranger.

And she wanted to remain anonymous.

So then I had a lot of long conversations and did some research here and there.

And I got in contact with a prison.

A prison?

Uhu, they've been looking for people for a while now who really want an anonymous pen pal.

Someone they can talk to, with whom they can share their thoughts..

Because they have no family or friends to talk to at all.

So those prisoners can be imprisoned for all kinds of crimes?

Yes indeed.

No, I'm sorry.

I don't want to share half my life with a rapist again.

No, but we can just tell them that.

We're just going to say that you absolutely don't want any serious felons, okay?

Don't worry. Those people are not allowed to talk about what they have done.

They also do not find out who you are, because you remain anonymous.

And everything will get controlled.

I don't know..

You can take all the time to just think about it calmly.

I just honestly think it could be something for you.

And you are also doing something good, which you want- ed, because you offer a listening ear to a human being.

As far as you can still call them humans..

Listen, we can also look at other options, but then you have to leave the house more often.

Uhm.. So just to be clear, if I do this..

Then all I have to do is write a letter and send it and he writes me back? And so on, and so on?

Yes, exactly. But that has to be weekly, obviously.

I really think it could be good for you, just talking to a complete stranger.

Then maybe you would trust people a bit more?

Hi John.

I promised to come back to your request.

I think I may have found a match for you.

Her name is Charlotte, she is 23 years old, and she comes from the same village where you grew up.

More information I can't share with you.

Here I have an A4 sheet and a pencil.

I'm going home in a bit, so I could post your first letter.

Are you able to get this done today?

Do you have a picture of her?

No, John. That is very unusual.