Firefly

We're all just floating.

- You couldn't possibly... - No, I wish I was lying.

I just, you know, we'd all just made surgeon.

That was it. We were the elite. The world was ours, you know.

So you had to be naked?

Naked, yes. And on top of the statue of Hippocrates.

- Can you just picture me? - What, naked?

Oh, well, let's see, I'm gonna have to conjure up...

Yeah, that's gonna be difficult.

- So did the Feds come? - There were no Feds.

- Until I started singing. - Oh, no...

- No, this is not... - What did you sing?

This is not funny. This is a morality tale about the evils of sake.

I would be there right now.

I mean, it was... It was either...

It was either that or the national anthem.

- Reports vary. - You don't remember any of this?

I remember talking the Feds out of telling my father.

Or paying the Feds out of telling my father.

I get fuzzy on aspects.

So, like, never?

Well...

...no.

Not ever never?

Some orders allow shepherds to marry, but I follow a narrower path.

But, I mean, you still got the urge? They don't cut it off or nothing?

No. I'm more or less intact.

I just direct my energy elsewhere.

You mean, like masturbating?

I hope you're not thinking of taking orders yourself.

Yeah, that'll be the day.

I got stupid. The money was too good.

I don't give half a hump if you're innocent or not.

So where does that put you?

It ain't impossible. Saint Jayne. It's got a ring to it.

I'm just trying to remember how many miracles you've performed.

I once hit a guy from 500 yards with a bent scope.

- Don't that count upstairs? - Oh, it'll be taken into consideration.

You made that sound kind of ominous.

I put out waves to some old acquaintances.

I may even find something in New Melbourne if you need the shuttle.

I'll only be there to pick up cargo.

The only thing you're gonna find there is fish and fish-related activities.

So unless you got the overwhelming urge to gut sturgeon, and who hasn't?

But it's a layover point for almost every planet.

I could... I just don't want to draw this out.

Have you decided when you'll tell the others?

I... No.

- I appreciate your not saying anything. - Well, I don't, so make up your mind.

I'm a big girl. Just tell me.

None of it means a damn thing.

It's just an object. It doesn't mean what you think.

- Stay calm! - You know that's...

Stop yelling. That's gonna make it worse.

River. Sweetheart. Put it down.

- Where did you get that? - Don't yell.

It was in my hand.

I'm not mad, just let me... Thank you.

Fully loaded, safety off. This here is a recipe for unpleasantness.

- Does she understand that? - She understands.

She doesn't comprehend.

I'm glad we've made that distinction. No touching guns, okay?

No touching.

- River... - It's getting very, very crowded!

Thought she was on the mend.

Her medications are erratic.

There's not one that her system can't eventually break down and...

If I want a lot of medical jargon, I'll talk to a doctor.

- You are talking to a doctor. - Yeah. Okay.

My point is, it could have been you she might have shot.

The doctor, as you just made note of. And who exactly could fix you?

Not nobody.

We're deep in space, corner of No and Where.

You take extra care with her...

...because we're very much alone out here.

Little River gets more colorful by the moment. What'll she do next?

Either blow us all up or rub soup in our hair. It's a tossup.

I hope she does the soup thing.

It's always a hoot, and we don't all die from it.

- That poor kid. - Yeah.

She's definitely got...

- Funny. - Something wrong?

I'm getting a weird heat bounce off our wake.

- Engine flux? - Sensors probably got turned around...

She can only get in there if she knows the combination.

I don't leave loaded guns around.

She got her hands on your hardware.

Suppose she took up something with hull-piercing bullets.

Bullets are soft lead. Even Vera could barely breach the hull...

...and she's the best I got. Now...

...let's move the conversation in "not Jayne's fault" direction.

I didn't make her crazy. Hell, I didn't even want her on the ship.

Is that the direction you want this conversation to go in?

Just don't want to take a lashing for something I ain't the cause of.

- Where is River now? - Her room.

Which I'm thinking of bolting from the outside.

That's a little extreme.

Remember her coming at me with a butcher's knife?

- Wacky fun. - You wanna go, little man?

Only if it's someplace with candlelight.

I don't think she'd harm anyone.

- Butcher's knife! - Anyone we can't spare.

As far as we know, she's never even picked up a gun before.

That ain't so.

Kaylee, you got something to say?

Okay, Kaylee, why don't you speak your piece?

It was when the captain and Wash got took by Niska.

I ain't like to forget that anytime soon.

Well, we all went in. Me too.

Didn't make much account of myself, I'm afraid.

I got no problem with you not killing nobody.

What's it to do with River? She wasn't in the fight.

Well, no, she was.

I got pinned down, and there were three guys, and I couldn't...

And then River comes up.

She looks out, sees them all.

And they was spread out, you know, had some cover.

She only looked for a second, and...

...took my gun, closed her eyes...

...killed them.

She shot them?

All three. Dead in an instant. And their eyes still closed.

Well, that's... You saw it wrong.

Not a jot. And it weren't auto-fire, or luck.

She just... She just did the math.

You understand how that sounds?

She killed them with math. What else could it have been?

You couldn't have done it, Jayne. Nor you, captain.

Nobody can shoot like that that's a person.

So River's not a person?

Oh, please, don't be mad.

I just want to understand what you're saying here.

I thought River was your friend.

She is! But, Simon, the way she...

Right after, she looked at me...

...and she smiled, like nothing was wrong.

Like we were playing.

Scared me.

Could be she saved your life, Kaylee.

I'm aware of that, and I'm not...

She probably didn't even know what was going on.

Thought it was a game.

Later on, explain to me how that's a comfort.

Might have to use some of that math.

What we've got here to deal with is the larger issue.

And that larger issue is, we've got someone onboard this ship...

...might be a danger to us.

Ain't a question of whether we like her.

Some of us have grown attached to River.

Kaylee, you have, or you would have spoken sooner.

Which, by the by, you should have.

I find River pleasant enough myself...

...but she does have an oddness to her.

And I ain't just talking about her proficiency with firearms.

The girl knows things.

Things she shouldn't. Things she couldn't.

What, are you saying she's a witch?

Yes, Jayne. She's a witch. She has had congress with the Beast.

She's in Congress?

How did your brain even learn human speech?

I'm just so curious.

This isn't a joking matter. This is about our lives and River's.

Thank you.

She's deeply intuitive. It's true that sometimes...

I don't think she's intuitive, doctor. I think she's a reader.

- Psychic? - Is that even remotely possible?

You tell me.

You've been studying what they've done to her.

Well, they've definitely altered the way she reacts to things.

Even the way she perceives. But I'm not...

Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction.

- You live in a spaceship, dear. - So?

Back up a second. Are you saying she really reads minds?

Or near enough. Am I alone thinking along these lines?

No.

Well, I don't like the idea of someone hearing what I'm thinking.

No one likes the idea of hearing what you're thinking.

The Alliance could have any number of uses for a psychic.

A psychic. Or an assassin.

She's just a kid.

And she just wants to be a kid.

I wish it were that simple.

Yeah. If wishes were horses, we'd all be eating steak.

- What do we plan to do about this? - Well, that's the question.

I don't think she'd ever hurt any of us.

Maybe you're right.

I ain't gonna make a decision till I thought on it a while.

It's late.

Let's get some rest.

- Simon... - I gotta check on my assassin.

Oh, please don't be mad. I had to say something.

I'm not mad at you.

I just...

She loves this ship.

I think it's more home to her than any place she's been.

What about you?

I mean, I...

I thought the hospital was home.

I was really making a difference there...

...and embarrassingly large stacks of money.