Cheers

How about a beer, chief?

How about an ID?

An ID?

That's very flattering!

Wait till I tell the missus.

Military ID.

First Sergeant Walter Keller, born 1944.

That makes you 38.

- Must've fought in Vietnam. - Yeah.

- What was it like? - It was gross.

Yeah, that's what they say. War is gross.

I'm sorry, soldier.

This is the thanks we get.

Sumner, this is crazy.

Diane, we're about to be married.

Married! Congratulations! Let's celebrate with a drink.

I think not.

I give it six months.

Perhaps we won't have children right away.

- Come on. Let's sit here. - We have a plane to catch.

I insist you have my grandmother's antique gold wedding ring.

Didn't you say it's still on your ex-wife's finger? I don't need it.

- You're enough for me. - True. But symbols are important.

Let me call Barbara and see if she's home. The phone's back here.

As long as we're here, let's celebrate with some champagne.

Hello? Sam?

Are you Sam?

- Yes. - Yes, he's here.

Someone named Vicki.

No.

No, she knows you're here. I told her you're here.

Well...

Now, look...

I'm sorry, I was wrong. He had to step out.

Where?

Well, I think what happened is he...

he had... to go to mime class.

Yes, I'll take a message.

You're welcome.

- Well? - You're a magnificent pagan beast.

Thanks. What's the message?

Listen, I didn't like doing that.

I'm sorry. If I didn't own this place, I'd fire me on the spot.

For lying for me, I'll buy you your first drink.

I'd like a bottle of your best champagne.

It wasn't that great a lie.

- No, we'll pay for it. - We're on our way to get married.

Then this is on me. Congratulations.

Barbara was home. She said I can come over.

Well, do you want me to go with you?

No, it could get a trifle sticky.

Besides, if she saw the dazzling beauty who's about to succeed her,

it would break her heart again.

Sumner, I'm not beautiful.

Blasphemy.

So where's the ceremony gonna be?

- Tomorrow, in Barbados. - Nice.

I'm Dr Sumner Sloane, Professor of World Literature at the U.

He has an article in Harper's.

Diane's been my teaching assistant for two years.

Today, I was sitting in my office with Diane.

I looked up from my Proust, she had her nose in her Yeats.

I said to myself, "I would be crazy to let this girl get out of my life."

So, right there on the spot, I said, "Let's get married."

What he actually said was, "Come with me and be my love,

and we will some new pleasures prove."

- That's Donne. - I certainly hope so.

No. John Donne, the poet.

Well, that's lovely.

Listen, I must dash. I'll be back in ten minutes.

- Excuse me, what's your name? - Sam.

Listen, Sam, old man, I have an errand to run.

Diane will stay here. I'd appreciate it if you would keep an eye on her.

For you, Sumner, old man, I'll keep both my eyes on her.

Sumner, am I stupid to let you go see a woman you were once in love with?

Darling, I'm leaving you alone in a bar.

- Which one of us is the stupider? - Too close to call.

In any case, you sit at the bar and chat with Sam while I'm gone.

I'll be back before you know it with your wedding ring.

He's quite a fella, your fiancé.

Listen, you don't have to make conversation with me.

I'm not in the habit of talking with bartenders.

I understand. One's trying to move into my neighbourhood.

Call that a football team?

- What's wrong, Coach? - The Patriots did it again.

This is the worst draft yet.

They got a first-round pick.

Did they get a jackrabbit for the backfield? No.

A gunslinger at quarterback? No. A linebacker they get.

I've seen a good linebacker turn a team around.

Yeah, me, too.

- Hi. - Hello.

I hope nobody told you the bus goes by here.

She'll be here for a while.

Excuse me. I hate to keep asking for special attention,

but could you not discuss my private life with everyone?

- What would you like me to tell him? - I don't care.

- She's a hooker. - Yeah?

- Thank you. - Don't mention it.

- Carla's late again. - Nuts.

OK, I'm late! My kid was throwing up all over the place.

You don't buy that excuse, I quit.

I don't work for a man who has no compassion for my children.

And you're not exactly swamped here. I'm usually punctual.

If you don't like it, fine. This ain't such a great job.

I'm gonna change.

Think I was too hard on her?

- Hiya, Coach. - Hi, Carla.

Patriots finally got the linebacker they needed.

Are you nuts? They're up to their ears in linebackers!

That's true. They do have a lot.

I love to see a woman

who isn't afraid to take her luggage out for a drink.

She doesn't want to be disturbed.

Well, tell Her Nibs I'm sorry.

- Afternoon, everybody. - Norm!

- Norm, what do you know? - Not enough.

What do you think of the Patriots' draft?

They need linebackers like I need antlers.

That new linebacker will put 'em in the Super Bowl.

He'll probably do that. I got an awful headache.

Sox lost again today, Sam. Sure could have used you.

Not in the shape I'm in, Norm.

You, miss!

Wouldn't you love to see Sammy flinging the horsehide?

Flinging what?

Don't you know who he is? He was one of the best pitchers in baseball.

Samuel "Mayday" Malone.

I coached this kid in double-A ball, and with the Red Sox.

He was one of the best Little Leaguers ever.

- Take it easy, Coach. - No, I mean it, he was the best.

- Sure as the earth is round. - You don't believe that.

I didn't until I saw those pictures from the space shuttle.

Sam once struck out Cash, Kaline and Freehan with a tying run on second.

How long is the wimp convention in town?

Carla, heel.

If you were so good, why aren't you still playing?

I developed an elbow problem. I bent it too much.

You were a drunk?

Are you kidding? He was a great drunk.

Anything he did, it was great.

I was not a great drunk. I was a good drunk.

Are you drunk now?

I haven't had a drink in three years.

I'm proud you licked it, Sammy. Must've been hell.

- Why do you own a bar? - I bought it when I was a drunk.

I held on to it for sentimental reasons.

You, miss. What you reading?

A book?

Excuse me. Where is your bathroom?

Next to my bedroom.

Down the hall.

So, what's Goldilocks's story?

- Never mind. - Come on, Sam.

- Why can't you tell us? - Yeah, what's the big deal?

Take it easy. Sam's shy about these things.

- I'll fill you in. She's a hooker. - She's not a hooker.

Well, not in the traditional sense.

She's not a hooker at all.

Finest young lady I ever met. My head is killing me.

Look, she does not want to be bothered.

She's waiting for her fiancé.