Rivals

Whoever it is we're waiting for, it better be bloody worth it.

There's a ton of paparazzi in the car park.

Mr Fairburn!

Mr Fairburn!

Sorry, Daysee, but m-my mother had a bit of a turn,

so it was quite a long night.

I-I think Titania's arriving.

I think perhaps Lord B's gone too far this time.

Who are you playing?

Hermia.

I thought you'd be playing the pretty one.

Nice touch with the photographers.

Isn't it just?

Another nail in the Venturer coffin.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Your mother's changed sides.

Hello, my rose!

Whoo! What you doing?

Maud was exceptional.

Well, I told you she would be.

An entirely authentic performer.

It's as if she's lived it all before.

- Thank you for telling me to hire her. - Mmm.

Oh!

I'd be lost without you, darling.

What are you doing?

Getting into bed.

Sorry, Declan. I'm back for work, not for you.

You're telling me I'm not welcome in my own bed?

Mmm.

Anything else you want to take while you're at it?

I'm not taking anything that wasn't already mine.

- It's my house too, remember. - Mmm.

I decorated it.

Yeah, I know.

I'm still paying the bills.

Close the door!

- Morning, Susie. - Morning, Mrs Vereker.

- Hi. - Morning, Mrs Vereker.

Here you go.

Can you please not broadcast the fact that I've forgotten my script.

Okay, well, I-I have to get back.

- I-I'm waiting for the call from Carole. - Mm-hmm.

The call about the publishers?

The bidding war on my book?

- Where's the pen? - What pen?

- My Parker. So I can make notes. - Well, I...

This is a rehearsal, Lizzie. I have to make notes about my character arc.

You say you're a writer.

Can you please write things down if you can't remember them?

I don't know why Tony even asked you to do Midsummer Night's Dream .

You're not an actor.

Tony asked me to do this because I am the face of Corinium.

I mean, Lizzie, for once

could you please at least try and be supportive of my career?

You've got to feel sorry for her, being married to that.

Methinks, mistress, you should have little reason for that.

And yet, to say the truth

Uh… We're rehearsing.

Sorry, I f-forgot my notes.

Methinks, mistress…

…you should have little reason for that.

- And yet, to say the truth... - Charles, darling?

Costume is saying nipples or no nipples?

Nipples!

- Thank you. - Mm-hmm.

Charles says nipples!

It's like fucking Piccadilly Circus in here.

I know. I'm sorry. Please, continue.

Well, I've lost it now. I'll try and find him.

I'm the most beautiful creature you ever saw.

Mmm. There he is.

Methinks, mistress, you should have little reason for that.

And yet, to say the truth, reason and love keep little

Uh, sorry, Charles, but Andrew needs the mattress.

For fuck's sake!

Please!

Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.

Sorry! Um…

Sorry. Sorry, Charles. Sorry.

- Actually, uh, Charles… - Sorry.

…what do you think about going a bit further with this scene,

sexually speaking?

Yes.

Oh, no, I-I think less is more. Don't you, Charles?

I think we imply. Not do.

Okay, well, I'll leave this in your capable hands, Charles.

But, um, just say the word and I will happily oblige.

Deirdre.

Excellent work, everyone.

Charles, you'll make sure I don't look foolish up there, won't you?

Darling, you've never looked foolish a day in your life.

I'm serious, Charles.

I'm not as… I'm not as young as I once was.

My darling, your beauty is like a Shakespearean sonnet,

perfectly composed and eternal.

But the big problem is, does anyone really give a fuck about poetry?

It's not just about poetry, is it? It's about power and fate.

Patriotism and-and love.

And sex.

But we wouldn't actually get to see any sex?

No, but it'll be described by the sexiest man in England.

You know, Maud Gonne and Yeats had an unbridled passion

unlike anything we've ever seen before on television.

Described in all its lurid details.

Mmm, every kiss, every fuck,

every tortured moment of unrequited love.

Great.

Well, as long as you keep the Tash, and you don't skimp on the sex,

you've got yourselves a Channel 4 commission.

How soon can you deliver?

- I mean... - Hello, Clara.

What are these reprobates trying to sell you?

Not trying to fob you off with the Beeb's sloppy seconds, are they?

Oh, I doubt the Beeb could have handled what these two are selling.

Uh, if you need a reference for Cameron, be sure to let me know.

I'm terribly sorry, Tony, but we're all booked up.

Oh, no, we aren't staying. No, I'm just picking up Clara.

We're going to The White Elephant.

Have you booked your seats to see your lovely wife in the show yet?

Not yet.

Oh, I'd hurry up if I were you. They're going like hot cakes.

- Mm-hmm. - She's a great talent.

I'm surprised you didn't notice her when she was under your nose this whole time.

Or was she generally on top?

Declan.

Nice to see you, Clara.

We'll send over a budget next week.

How is the boyfriend?

Is it fun being shacked up with a man who has fucked everyone?

As they say, practice makes perfect.

Great doing business with you, Clara.

You were a silly boy letting those two slip through your fingers.

Oh, I didn't let them go. I pushed them out.

Shall we?

That was a deliberate ploy to sabotage us.

Didn't work though, did it? We got the fucking commission!

We did, didn't we?

Turns out we're a pretty good team.

- Oh, the fucking A team. - Mm-hmm.

So, Tony's Shakespeare. We should go. We need to go.

What? No! No, no, no way!

- Are you mad? - No.

We show Tony that we don't give a shit about his petty tactics.

We're bigger than that.

Gertrude? Gertrude!

Gertrude! Gertrude!

Gertrude, come.

Uh…

Good crop this year?

Yeah, tons of it. Just need to get it all in before it rains.

Oh, yeah.

Uh, Mummy's back.

Tony's hired her for A Midsummer Night's Dream so…

Oh, Christ. After all of my mess?

I can't imagine Declan's very happy about that.

No, no, he's-he's not.

He's horribly worried about Venturer already.

Yeah, well, I should probably, uh… probably crack on.

- Gertrude! - Go on.

Gertrude, come.

- Go on! - Come!

Oh, Gertrude, just…

I know. We're not doing that anymore.

I can't believe how well everything is going.

The Shakespeare is going to be such a hit!

I feel like we should celebrate.

Well done, you.

Oh, my God! That was Archie.

He says he's gonna pull a sickie

and wants me to come over while his parents are at the play.

Well, it's Mummy's big day.

I know.

But I really like him, Taggie.

Do you think she'd mind?

Mmm… I'll cheer loudly enough for the both of us.

No! Oh!

Oh, Gerald.

To what do I owe the pleasure?

Um, it's a funny thing really.

I was, um…

I-I-I bumped into the Chief Whip

who suggested that perhaps I should run for your seat in the by-election.

Congratulations.

That's… That's wonderful.

Oh, are you off?

Yeah, I'm gonna head to The Priory first.

I think you should come. I think it'd be good.

Show Tony how little effect he's had on you.

I would rather be eaten alive by red ants than go to a Shakespeare put on by Tony.

We'd be together.

Sorry, no can do, I'm afraid.

I hope it's a categorical disaster. Enjoy!

She leant against a gate, her thighs pricked red from the nettles.

Angus stepped towards her, his hand full of dock leaves.

He dragged them slowly up her leg and under her skirt,

the wet sap of the leaf joining Cecily's ecstasy.

Right, Fred-Fred, we're off.

I wanna get there nice and early, so we can get a good seat.

Good idea, Mousie. You have a lovely time.