Cheers

Carla: Hey. Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience.

Remember when I said you are the nuttiest,

the stupidest,

the phoniest fruitcake I ever met!

You, Sam Malone, are the most arrogant, self-centered...

Shut your fat mouth.

Make me.

Make you?

I'm going to bounce you

off every wall in this office!

Try it and you'll be walking funny tomorrow.

Or should I say funnier?

You know...

You know, I always wanted to pop you one.

Maybe this is my lucky day.

You disgust me. I hate you.

Are you as turned on as I am?

More. Bet me.

It sure got quiet in there all of a sudden.

You don't think he killed her?

Nah. Even in death she wouldn't be that quiet.

What do you think they're doing in there

if they're not fighting?

Well, isn't it nice that for once we're not fighting?

Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

Let's go some place,

some place where we can express what we're feeling now.

Great. How about the couch?

The couch.

Who said we always had to be serious?

Will you stop joking?

I... I want to go some place... Intimate,

some place... romantic.

Oh, yeah. Ok. All right.

Romantic. Yeah.

My apartment?

Your apartment?

There I go again, huh?

No. I think that's a good idea.

Well, that's why I said it.

Yes. Your apartment, the place you spend half your life,

and I've never even seen it.

It seems so right.

I think you're gonna like it.

I'll give you my, uh...

Famous guided tour...

Starting in the bedroom.

And ending in heaven.

Come on.

Oh, Sam.

What, what?

I've changed my mind.

No, no. I mean about your apartment.

I'm sorry. I know you're gonna think I'm overly sensitive,

but, Sam, you've been with a lot of women...

No, I have not.

There haven't been that many women.

That gets exaggerated here in the bar.

There haven't been that many, really.

How many have there been?

Well, I don't know.

Maybe, uh... 400.

Ohh!

Honeys, honeys. Four honeys.

Maybe that's more than my share,

but it's all behind me now.

Well, you see, that's what I mean.

I want to be... Special.

I want to go some place

where you've never been with any other woman.

All right, ok, that's easy enough.

Uh, like... like where?

How about a hotel?

Oh, yeah. Oh.

That's great, that's great.

But one you've never been with anyone else.

Well, all right.

That's easy, that's easy.

Ok. Hotels, hotels.

Hey, there we go.

Nope.

Nope.

Well, I'll be darned.

Forget it.

Come on. We're being silly here.

Why don't we... why don't we go to your place?

Well, I guess that could be all right.

Oh, great.

Oh, wait. Sam, it's so filthy.

Oh, no, no, it doesn't have to be,

not if we care about each other.

No. I mean my apartment.

I haven't straightened up for days.

I don't care about that kind of thing. It doesn't matter.

As long as we're together,

it doesn't matter where we are.

Oh, Sam, that's beautiful.

We're not talking pigsty, are we?

No, of course not.

All right, then. All right, come on.

Ok.

Oh, boy.

She better be great.

I know that you must be curious

about what Sam and I were talking about.

We want to be totally honest with you.

Um...

It is said that fools rush in

where wise men fear to tread,

but the heart has a wisdom of its own.

Sam and I have decided

to traverse the fall line of our aloneness.

What's she talking about, Sammy?

I don't know. Um...

Does this have anything to do

with what we were talking about in there?

Of course.

Diane and I decided

we're going to start messing around.

Great. There you go.

So we'll see you all later.

There you go.

You want a refill?

Wait, wait, wait.

I feel damned by faint praise. What's wrong?

What do you mean what's wrong?

Nothing's wrong. No.

You don't seem very happy about our announcement.

Well, Diane, it's just kind of sudden.

Sudden.

It's just happening kind of fast.

Yeah, we wish you all the luck in the world.

Yeah. It won't be enough.

Oh, no. No.

I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking that Sam and I

have different backgrounds, ambitions, dreams.

Well, let me tell you.

We have one thing very much in common.

I got it.

They were both born brunette.

No.

We have a willingness

to be vulnerable to one another.

I think I see a trip

to ye old leash and leather shop coming.

I am sorry

that you're all so cynical

that you can't accept Sam and me.

Well, it doesn't bother us.

We believe in us, right, Sam?

Yeah. You bet. It's going to be great.

We'll have a lot fun.

I may have to work a little harder on this one,

but it's gonna be worth it.

Thank you, Sam.

You're welcome.

Now if you will excuse us,

we are going to go out

and begin our lives together.

There is more in heaven and earth

than is dreamt of in your beer mugs.

What did you mean

you're gonna have to work a little harder on this one?

I said it off the top of my head.

I think it might be misunderstood.

Thanks for picking the flowers for me in the park.

Well, thank you for paying the fine.

We make a good team, huh?

So what do you think of my place?

Very nice.

Is this the bedroom?

Nice? I want you to know that I'm putting a lot of energy

into the decorating of this place.

It shows. Where's the light?

It's over by the bed.

Oh! I think I just stepped on your cat.

Oh, my god, I think I just killed it.

No, my mistake.

I just stepped on your giraffe.

Oh, Mr. Jammers.

This place is lousy with stuffed animals.

They're not stuffed animals.

They're my friends.

Let me introduce you.

Mr. Jammers you've met.

And over here, we have Freddy frogbottom.

You named all these silly things?

Ah-ah! Don't call them silly.

Mr. Buzzer will sting you.

Mr. Buzzer? Don't tell me. Let me guess.

That must be the bee, right?

Boy, this is definitely weird, Diane.

That is exactly what's wrong with you.

What's wrong with me?

Yes.

I should have known

you wouldn't have any imagination about this,

no sense of whimsy.

You're so earthbound,