Abbott Elementary

Aah! Oh, I'm so sorry.

I am just so happy to be back.

Um, I did this.

Parted my hair on a different side.

But, oh, yeah, you asked how my summer was.

Um...

Well, I broke up with Tariq, as you know, which was...

You know, break-ups are hard for anyone.

I took it as an opportunity to grow...

not physically, of course, because I can't reach

the top shelves in my apartment.

Tariq used to get the plates.

But, ultimately, I was just so excited to start the new year.

Breaking up with Tariq was so much the right choice that,

you know, I was basically able to fast-track that break-up.

No crying, no depression, "wah-wah."

And no more bringing my problems into school.

That was old right-sided-part Janine.

I'm a fully formed adult,

and this year is gonna be... different.

[ Hip-hop music playing in distance ]

What the...?

What in the world?

Woman: Go, Eagles!

Ava!

Why is a man cooking ribs in my parking spot?

What is happening?

It's game day, baby!

It's Development Week.

Here's a development... You either gotta park on the street

or give me $50 for your spot.

I'm making extra money. For the school.

So put out or back out.

It's 8:30!

Who even eats barbecue this early?

Let me get the beef tips. I don't eat no pork.

Hey, Janine! Hey.

Ay, this year's gonna be different.

Because the Eagles got A.J. Brown!

We back, baby!

Another year.

Ava, I see you.

I saw you see me make three trips.

You couldn't have helped me?

I could've. That was an option.

Oh, God. Jacob.

Oh, I missed you. Please never go to Peru again.

You not having service was the worst.

Oh, it's so nice to be called Jacob again.

After teaching abroad

and being called el diablo blanco every day,

I really started to feel like basura.

-Oh. -Did somebody say "trash"?

Welcome back, dorks!

And welcome back, Abbott Elementary staff!

Let's have a great Development Week.

I'll see you guys in the auditorium at 9:00.

Woman: We'll be there.

Janine: Most people think school starts when the kids get here,

but it actually starts now, at Development Week.

Teachers prep for the year.

We get ready, get our curriculum,

we research our students, make plans.

It's the calm before the storm.

It's very zen, actually.

Aah!

Barbara!

I missed you so much.

Oh, my gosh. I'm gonna give you a hug.

Let me put these boxes d...Ah-ah-ah!

I had a fantastic summer.

After my cruise to Jamaica... all-inclusive...

I worked with Ava to properly appropriate the funds

that we got from the grant last year.

And I found out in early July

that I would be welcoming a student who uses a wheelchair,

so I was very excited to be able to use part of that grant money

to get a new ramp installed.

My next goal is to get that student the appropriate desk...

and follow up on the shoes I lost on the cruise.

I was very inebriated.

Oh!

Sea Barbara is different than Land Barbara.

Hurry up. Quiet down.

Be silent in the presence of greatness.

How was y'all's summer?

Oh, it was good. I...Rhetorical.

Let's get into it.

Oops!

Gregory.

I said, "Oops."

Oh.

I'm a full-time teacher now. I'm excited about that.

I spent time going over the materials,

so really got it down,

so I'm ready to take the year on.

These first-graders won't know what hit 'em.

I mean that in a positive way.

Ava: It's all in the knees.

So, while in Peru, I took level-one ASL courses.

I wouldn't say I was inspired by "CODA," per se,

but it did... it did have an impact on me.

Look, here's the thing...

words cannot express my excitement

to teach the others the knowledge I have gained.

So let me sign it.

Me and Gary, the vending machine guy,

we spent the whole summer down at the Jersey Shore.

Nothing like the smell of cigarettes and vinegar.

I don't smoke or nothin'. Just, I like being around it.

It reminds me of my childhood.

Ava: This week, we'll have some entry-level planning meetings,

a mental-health maintenance session,

a session on wrap-around introduction,

an ASL course...Taught by me.

And a mixer held by Ms. Teagues.

May we not pass out from boredom.

Because of teacher shortages, some classes will be combined.

Guys, the mixer's actually going to be great.

I've ordered Danny Wok's and Dunkin' Donuts,

so take your pick.

Ooh!

And also, I've added a new segment,

"Wisdom Swap," where more senior teachers

can give advice to the younger teachers.

Sweetheart, that'll never work.

Yeah, -it's a waste of time. -Mm.

I disagree.

I'm positive having something like this

when I started out would've really helped, and...

And I don't have to change your minds,

because it's mandatory.

So I will see you there.

Looks like somebody got it together this year.

-Mm-hmm. -Mm-hmm.

This is exactly what I want for myself this year.

Like, what break-up? I'm a hundred percent.

And I'm happy they're noticing.

Even if they aren't noticing my part change. Yet.

Ava: Hey.

Y'all have something you want to share with the rest of the group?

As a matter of fact, Ava, I do.

Um, in addition to a "wisdom swap"

at today's mixer, I have another little surprise.

She pregnant. I knew it.

After making many phone calls

and pretending to slip on a beer can at the Flyers' arena,

I've managed to get the only celebrity that matters

to come surprise our kids on the first day of school.

America's favorite orange, furry sweetheart...

...Flyers mascot Gritty!

Yes!

-Yes! -You should've said that as soon as you stood up.

No need for those other words you said.

Yes, Janine!

The kids are gonna love this.

-Yes! -I know, right?

I don't get Gritty.

What's not to get, Gregory?

He just doesn't make sense to me.

Like, my dad's landscaping business' mascot is a bush.

Because "bush"... "landscaping."

So, Gritty...

It's Gritty.

Hockey, Philadelphia, America.

Penalty boxes.

I think you should let it go, man.

I'm chillin'.

Good job, Janine.

Very good job, Janine. Hell yeah!

Yes!

Um...

Oh. Who is that? Is that Gritty?

Is his area code 215 or 267?

Um, no, no, no, no. It's no one. It's spam.

Melissa?

Yeah? Some news for you.

You're gonna have a combined

second- and third-grade class this year.

What?

Charter school up the street

took all our third-graders with high test scores,

and there aren't enough kids for another full third-grade class.

How many extra kids?

10.

I mean, great.

I can get you an aide.

No, thanks!

My summer was great. Thanks for asking.

I got a hookah flavor named after me... Ava-lade.

Notes of malt liquor and marmalade.

This first-grade curriculum is nuts.

They expect us to get through all this in one school year?

Are they for real?

Sweetheart, it happens like this every year.

The school district decides what we are capable of

if we use every minute of the day.

It is completely theoretical.

Don't want my students to fall behind.

If this is what they expect of us,