What Would You Rather: Decide to Survive?

We've all played "Would you rather?" hypothetically,

but for the very first time, we are playing it for real.

Yes, that's right. We are making the hypothetical…

thetical.

Would you rather be invisible or fly?

-What? -

Sticky or slippy?

- - Talons or hooves?

- -Yes, yes, yes!

No one loves a game of "Would you rather?" more than the Internet.

Oh, God, help us all.

So I've picked ten online stars to play this twisted game.

Only this time, there'll be consequences.

Are you happy, Romesh? Look at what you've done.

We've all been getting on, let's not ruin it now. All right?

- -I'm actually gonna wee myself.

What is this?

In this show, "Would you rather?" questions determine everything,

from how they live…

Two-hander.

-You know you're being filmed, yeah? -

…to the challenges they face…

Thank you, guys.

-Loser! -

-Karma, karma. -Have some mercy.

- …and who gets eliminated. -

Do me a favour. Don't put that in the edit.

- -Start the game bro.

I hate everything happening right now.

Oh, my God!

-How you doing? -Shut up!

Lock it.

In the end, only one player will be crowned champion.

They thought these were just meaningless decisions,

but in this show, they've got to decide to survive.

I mean, yeah, they're not really actually gonna die.

I asked, but it's not allowed.

You get the idea though.

- -

What the hell is going on?

Ten social media stars are heading to meet me…

God, is this one of the challenges?

…to play "Would you rather?" like they've never played it before.

Are there bears here?

I'll be putting them into two teams: "This" and "That."

And to help me do that,

I'll be assessing them through the medium of "Would you rather?" dilemmas.

-Hello. -Hello, Chunkz.

Please take a seat.

-Hello, Chloe. -Hello, Romesh.

-King Kenny. -Hello, Romesh.

Oh, fair enough. Got me. One-nil, man.

Welcome to Would You Rather: Decide to Survive.

I'm gonna ask you a series of questions,

and whatever answers you give me are gonna determine which team you are on.

Yeah.

Would you rather have a soft biscuit, or a piece of hard cake?

Soft biscuit. Oh, thank you so much.

What's the worst possible way it could have been softened?

Between someone's bum.

-It's not that. -Oh!

-It was two people. -No.

Would you rather show me your most recent Internet search,

or show me your most recent photo?

Internet search.

- Oh, my God. -It's you.

Would you rather eat a man-sized bean, or a bean-sized man?

Bean-sized man.

Oh.

Uh, bean-sized man, please.

Eat a man-sized…

Bean, or a bean-sized man.

-Eat a man-sized… -Bean, or a bean-sized man.

-Bean? -Sized man.

No. Oh, wait.

A bean-sized man?

Yes. I've said it five times.

Would you rather always travel everywhere on a horse, or make horses extinct?

Make horses extinct.

-Every horse is gone? -Take care, mate.

I love horses. They're war heroes.

Which war in particular do you think horses really made a difference?

World War…

World War?

-The world wars. -The world wars?

Always tell the truth or never tell the truth?

-Always tell the truth. -How strongly do you feel about lying?

White lies is fine.

So for example, I like your outfit.

When's the last time you told a lie?

-Uh, now. -That was funny.

Thank you. You didn't laugh though.

'Cause that's the last time I told a lie.

Chloe, as a result of your answers, you are in Team That.

-Whoo. -Thank you.

-That? -That, yeah.

Go and say hello to your teammates.

Chunkz, you're in Team This. Thank you very much.

Have I been your favourite one so far?

You're definitely my favourite called "Chunkz".

Piss off.

"This way. That way".

What's going on then? Is anyone here?

Hello?

-Hello! -Chunkz, is that you?

-Yeah, it's me. -Ah. How are you?

-You okay, yeah? Good. -Yeah, good.

-Look how nice is this. -This is nice, I can't lie.

- This is stunning. -Proper, innit?

-What team you in? -That.

-You obviously… No! -This.

-Yeah. - Fine.

Would you rather have a toothbrush, but no toothpaste

or toothpaste, but no toothbrush?

So, we say "tuth-brush".

Would you rather have a "tuth-brush", but no "tuth-paste"…

- -…or "tuth-paste" but no "tuth-brush"?

I want the "tuth-paste", please.

-No "tuth-brush"? -That's no "tuth-brush".

I'll use my…

-"Funger". -My f…

Be bald all over, or be completely covered in hair like a spaniel?

I've recently done laser hair removal.

-Where? -Uh, full body.

No, I mean, which clinic?

Would you rather go to the loo outdoors with real toilet paper,

or use an indoor loo, but have to wipe yourself with leaves?

Outside with real toilet paper, please.

Probably shouldn't be sharing this on television,

but I'm a stand-up-and-wipe kinda guy.

Give me a cheer if you stand up and wipe.

"Give me a cheer if you stand up to wipe"?

That's when you know somebody's struggling at a gig.

Would you rather pick someone else's nose, or have someone pick yours?

Let me pick someone's nose. Let me up there.

I would actually pick a nose. And I wouldn't mind it.

I'll have someone pick mine.

Have you picked your nose today?

Yeah. Did it on the train.

What, sort of, gave you the inclination to pick your nose?

They put me in first class. I thought I could do what I want.

Okay.

Would you rather have a mattress with no duvet,

or a duvet with no mattress?

This isn't jail, okay? We're not in the army.

So give me the mattress. Thank you.

I can tell you that as a result of your answers, you're in Team That.

Please make you way out.

Good chat.

-Ahoy-hoy! -Ahoy, sailor.

- -Bang.

Sort of made my name in YouTube sketches, so I'll be making jokes.

I imagine if that doesn't go well, I'll be making coffees.

Slowly, I'm just gonna get demoted until I'm just making my way home.

This or That?

Uh, it's This.

No!

-Yeah! My boy. -

-Did someone order posh spice? -

We need to know, what team are you on?

-I'm on That. - Yes!

-Me too. -Are you on That as well?

Amazing. Yes, great.

- One of them. -Yeah, bye.

-Oh, we've got… Oh, hello! -Nella Rose!

Ah. Nella!

I've made so many bad decisions, and I'm here for redemption, I guess.

- Of course we'd be doing this. -Hello.

I know. How you doing?

I am praying she's on my team.

That's all I need. Everyone just needs a bit of Nella Rose.

- Nella. What team are you in? -Hmm?

Oh, That.

- -Yeah. Yeah.

- Becky! -Bambino.

How are we, sweet darling? Good to see you.

- Balegde! -

Can you make my day and tell me you're on Team That?

Hmm.

-This. -

-That was a big loss. -It's a big loss.

-I'm on Team That. -

Yeah!

You're stamina, I'm distracting.

-Okay, what am I bringing? -Fun.

- -

Kenny! My buddy!

This or That? Ken, wait.

-I'm in This. -

Kenny. That's my brother, and I'm very happy he is on my team.

Come on!

- Who's that? -I know those legs.

That's Elz the Witch, mate.

-Hi. -You're in team…

-This. -

-You go to the gym, innit? -I do.

Oh, hey!

Which team would you like to be on out of the two of these?

-Well, like, my babies are over there. -Oh.

-Which team are you? -That.