Ghosts

Madame Ghost Representative, we have a cabinet meeting

with Samantha in the living room.

Oh, right. Uh, thank you, Isaac.

-(clears throat) -I mean,

Mr. Vice Ghost Representative.

-Mm-hmm. -Cabinet meeting? I didn't know the ghost rep

actually did anything.

That was true under Creepy Dirk, but

under a Montero-Higgintoot administration,

we will restore the position to its original intent,

to pester and annoy Samantha with minor requests.

Jay's been cooking a lot of pancakes recently.

Could you ask Sam to tell Jay

that I would like to smell something savory for breakfast?

Trevor, it's on the agenda.

But, uh, Flower, uh, we were gonna go on walk.

Remember? I want to show you dead bee

that die in funny position.

Look like it dancing disco.

Oh, right. Shoot. I... Can we do it later?

Yeah, okay. I mean, if it not get eaten

or wind not blow it into unfunny position.

Seems sort of risky to wait, but okay, yeah.

Cool. See you later, Thor.

Man, that can't feel good.

-What you mean? Well, it just seems

like now that Flower's big and important,

she don't have time for you.

-You're the Stedman to her Oprah. Oof.

That's tough, but true, Trev.

Who is this Stead Man?

Well, Oprah's a very successful and powerful woman,

and Stedman is her man who's just kind of there.

But Thor First Gentleman.

And we love that for you.

Is important role in its own right.

That's such a Stedman thing to say.

She's pulling up!

Who's pulling up?

Oh, you remember that woman Paula,

the producer who shot an episode

of the docuseries Dumb Deaths here?

Oh, yeah, you played Flower,

and Jay got shot in the ass with an arrow.

That was a fun afternoon.

Well, she wants to scout Woodstone

as a possible filming location

for the upcoming season of... Pete?

It's Getting Hot in Here: All Star Edition.

-(laughs) -By Odin's loins, yeah!

Okay, maybe curb your excitement a little, Thor.

We don't want her thinking we got bad wiring.

Yeah, I got to run. I just got to the location.

It's still run-down, but yeah, hopefully cheap.

-Sam, Jay, good to see you. -Hey, Paula.

Great to see you. I love your purse.

Ugh, yeah, it was a splurge.

I have a bit of an online shopping problem.

Every time I take an Ambien, I black out

and see the damage on my doorstep the next day.

I like this one.

-She's a spitfire. -(phone ringing)

Excuse me. What is it?

Well, you tell Lacey Chabert

that we think Mrs. Claus would wear that bathing suit,

and if she doesn't come out of her trailer,

Melissa Joan Hart is circling the parking lot.

Sorry, I also produce holiday rom-coms.

Oh, my God. I love those.

-Yeah, you fit the demo. -Thank you.

I don't know that that was a compliment.

Did you by any chance produce Single and Ready to Kringle?

By the skin of my teeth. That was a tough shoot.

Our Rudolph got a little hoofsy on set.

Mm. Can I take you to your room, Paula?

Absolutely.

Hello?

Because it's called Christmas in Cabo, Lacey,

and Mario Lopez already agreed to wear a Speedo.

Yeah, I want to see how this plays out.

Sam, this is incredible. You should tell Paula

about the holiday rom-com script you've been writing.

Polar Opposites? Oh, I don't know. (chuckles)

Yeah, Joan read it and loved it,

and she was a professional screenwriter.

I just don't know if it's ready. What if Paula doesn't like it?

Hey, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

I said that to Jerry once at a bar

when he told me there was a girl he was into,

and he didn't think he had a chance, and--

Cheese and rice, that was Carol.

Flower, I've been thinking,

with your recent election, it would be nice

to honor the occasion with some sort of gathering.

Mm. You mean like an orgy?

Like that, in that there will be people there,

but I was thinking more along the lines of an inaugural ball.

Flower, this is a big deal,

and it deserves to be acknowledged.

I actually attended Nixon's inauguration.

Well, a riot outside,

which I thought was going to be funny

because someone was like, "It's a riot,"

but it was an actual riot.

Ladies.

Oh, hey, Isaac. Hetty was just telling me about the clothed,

nonsexual inaugural ball she wants to plan.

Oh, that's a great idea, and I could make some remarks.

I could speak about the invention of democracy,

from Athens to Higgintoot.

And I shan't steal the spotlight.

Three, three and a half hours tops.

Isaac, that... (exhales) that sounds wonderful.

Unfortunately, you're far too valuable to attend.

-What do you mean? -You're the designated survivor.

God forbid, something should happen at the ball--

say, some sort of mass suck-off event--

the remaining ghosts would require a leader.

We simply cannot lose both Flower and you.

So, instead of being a featured speaker,

I'm just not there at all.

Because of how important you are.

Makes sense.

Just an update... (sighs) disco bee blew away.

-Oh. -What going on here?

Well, I am planning a fabulous inaugural ball

for our Madame Ghost Representative.

I am not invited. Too important.

Wait. This feel like something

First Gentleman should be planning.

Oh, I didn't know you cared about this kind of stuff.

Well, if it about Flower, then Thor care.

It's just that, as the lady of the house,

I do have extensive experience

planning these sorts of upscale events.

Well, maybe you two could plan it together?

-Hetty, would that be okay? -Well, I...

imagine it would be valuable to have his...

-unique perspective. Good.

We plan together then.

And trust me, Thor know parties.

Thor once throw Viking party where we slaughter caribou,

drink still-warm blood,

and then feasting on its innards.

Well, no idea's a bad idea.

So, Paula, will McNair and Jordana be back

for It's Getting Hot in Here: All Stars?

Jordana, yes. McNair, unfortunately,

is going on next season of Sex House,

which frankly, feels like no premise at all,

but people love it.

What has happened to my industry?

Knock, knock.

Just wanted to see how you were settling in.

Not true. Our girl's got an agenda.

Everything's great.

McNair's making the leap to Sex House.

-Champa's gonna freak. -So,

I know how you mentioned earlier

that you produce holiday rom-coms...

-You got this. And I'm sure you hear this all the time,

but I am actually a writer, and I have this script.

-What's happening? Is there any chance

you might take a look?

Well, I don't usually read unsolicited material.

But for you, why not?

Really? Thank you. Here you go.

-No. -What? -Huh?

You can't let her read that script, Sam.

-I thought you said you liked it. -I was being nice.

If this producer reads that script, you're done for.

Hey, Paula, my mom's asking,

"Will 'Brad the Assman' be on this season?"

It wouldn't be All Stars without him.

She's gonna be so happy.

You need to get that script back from her at all costs.

You know, Paula, on second thought,

maybe I could just do a quick typo pass.

-Oh, I don't care about that. Ugh, I'm serious, Sam.

You only get one chance at a first impression.

And now, I'm actually realizing,

that's not even my script.

That's my will.

Jay, you're in for some good stuff.

Unless you're the one who did it.

What is happening?

Okay, this vamping right here,

this is gold compared to most of her second act.

Okay, if you want to do one last pass, fine.

-I have an hour in the morning to read something. -Thank you.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have to go see if a spray-tan booth will fit in the pantry.

They come out of those parkas looking pasty.

Love the behind-the-scenes tidbits.

Sam, what the hell's going on?

Well, Joan lied to me.

First, she told me she loved the script,

and now, she's saying it's a disaster.

I didn't say disaster. It's just not read-ready.

But we have the whole rest of the night,