Hacks

We finished the staircase frame a couple hours ago.

Wow.

- Fiber optics in process. - Terrific.

We ordered the, uh, oak floors that you like.

Oh, good. Wonderful.

But there is a matter, uh, we should discuss.

- What? - Um...

I don't really want to say this,

since you're threw paint at my truck

when I got the banisters wrong.

Well, suggesting anything other than rose gold

- was demented. - Totally.

Um, but the building's gonna be more work than we discussed.

What are we talking?

Well, the electrical's not up to code.

The HVAC needs to be completely gutted.

The estimates on the theater are skyrocketing

because of the custom lighting

and the pyrotechnic capabilities.

Well, a Vegas show without pyrotechnics

is like a lap dance in broad daylight.

I won't be caught dead doing it.

All in all, we're looking at an additional $20 million

to get the Diva operational,

and that's just a conservative estimate.

- Oh, God. - Just to say it...

It would save us a ton if we didn't have the Deborah statue.

Well, how are people supposed to make an entrance

- if not between my legs? - Mm-hmm.

Where's the joy, the whimsy? Where's the... the...

- Wow factor. - The wow factor?

Well...

I mean, people love this design.

The underwear mirror for up skirt selfies

will be a destination in and of itself.

It's just that it just seems technically unnecessary.

Unnecessar...

Is there a gas leak in here?

Actually, there is, and that's probably gonna cost...

- Oh, my God! - Okay, okay, okay.

Maybe if we book a headliner,

we can use some of the advance ticket sales to fund this?

Okay. I'll get on that.

You try to find an outside investor.

Is now a bad time

to discuss why we can't convert a chlorine pool

- to pink champagne? - Yes!

Yes, ma'am.

He's into me.

So what happened?

What happened? I took her home.

You didn't hear this from me,

but she had the best night of her life.

Ah.

Oh, it's Deborah.

- Could you give me one second? - Mm.

Also, you shouldn't be talking to me about this stuff.

Why not?

- Hello. - Hi. I need your help.

We're building that state-of-the-art theater

at the Diva, and we need a comic

for a residency who can bring in a ton of presales.

Do you know of anyone?

Deborah, you know you don't have to fish

for compliments with me.

As Kayla would say,

you are the number-one living legend,

and you would slay the boots down

on the Diva, chiquita banana.

It should be you. You should do it.

No, no, no, no, no,

my residency days are behind me.

Oh. Uh, do you know Bruno Fox?

Is he related to Redd Foxx?

I don't think so, 'cause one is Black and one is white.

But you know what? I never assume.

You don't know what their mom was doing.

- Okay. - Anyway, he's, like,

a super-popular podcaster and stand-up.

He's got a huge following.

Um, oh, he does those Travelocity ads,

which I actually find quite funny.

I don't even hit "skip ad."

Oh, that guy! Oh, he'd be good.

- Can you get him? - Uh, yeah.

Yeah, I... yeah, I can get him.

- Great. Let me know. - Will do.

It is so weird to be back here.

Wow. She already took down the pictures I put up.

We've been gone for over two years.

Also, why would she keep up pictures

of you and your college friends?

'Cause we're hot and fun.

Well, look what the cat farted in,

LuSuck And Queefer.

Did you two pork yet?

Great to see you guys.

If you're looking to poach clients,

there's a dialysis center right down the street.

Oh, my goodness. Wow, that's really funny.

So, look, I'm gonna keep this brief.

Please.

We have an opportunity for one of your clients.

As you may have heard, Deborah Vance is opening

a casino hotel in downtown Vegas,

and we would like Bruno Fox to be the very first

- comic in residence. - Whoa.

Wow, Bruno.

He has a lot of balls in the air right now.

Mm-hmm.

This is a huge opportunity for a stand-up, right?

I mean, you know that.

A Vegas residency means a steady paycheck,

shows every night of the week.

A lot more money than he'd make on the road.

- Oh, yeah. - Yeah.

Well, you know, I'll try to remember to mention it to him

- the next time I talk to him. - Yeah.

- We'll see what he says. - Yeah, yeah.

The next time you talk to him could be right now

if you just dial him up.

Ooh, we'd love to, but we got to go right now

'cause we've got massages, the kind where you come.

- Oh. - Together, you're gonna go?

- Yes. - Are you serious?

Are you really gonna walk out...

- Later, dildos. - Oh, my God.

I know they're gonna present this to Bruno like

it's a total waste of time just to fuck with us.

So sadistic.

It reminds me of how I used

to treat this one girl in my summer camp.

So mean.

You know what? Fuck them.

We are gonna go to Bruno ourselves

and present this offer directly.

Hell, yeah! I knew you had that dog in ya.

- Ruff! - All right, here we go.

He's performing this weekend in Kalamazoo, Michigan.

- We are going. - Central time, kinky.

- It's Eastern. - Oh.

Mm, that sucks.

Mm!

To be asked to be a food tester... Dream come true.

Well, it's perfect.

I mean, you have flyover-state taste,

and Josefina has the most refined palate

- of anyone I've ever met. - Mm.

Pistachio cream in an entrée?

I'm feeling crazy for this.

So, what, if we like this chef's food,

you guys are gonna just poach him from Marty?

- Yep. - Damn, ice cold.

The rice is hot, though.

Well, it's not personal. It's just business.

Oh, excuse me.

I love a little crunch. Big slay.

Oh, Deborah, I've been working on the opening joke.

So what about this?

Um, hello, Madison Square Garden.

I've been silenced for 18 months,

so let me finally say this.

Big pants only look good if you're tall.

Eh.

I don't want to talk about pants.

I can't believe we can't figure out this opener.

No, I know. I think we have writer's block.

We got to get some new energy going.

You know, we could try cold plunging.

- Helps Joe Rogan. - Helps him do what?

Right. Good point.

So, I put out some feelers to some friends in the VC world

about funding for the Diva.

And that was Graham Sweeney's office.

He's a young tech developer... Big portfolio.

He immediately responded

and wants to fly in to meet with you.

Oh, great.

And he asked for Ava to come, too.

What?

Me? Why?

Oh, my God, do you think this is

like an "Indecent Proposal" situation,

where he'll only give you the millions

if he has one fabulous night with Ms. Ava Daniels?

"Millions"?

Please, he could get you

with a donation to Greenpeace and some combat boots.

That's... true.

No one is asking you to have sex,

but these VC guys are freaky, and we need the money.

So, if he asks to eat sushi off you, you know, play ball.

All right, fine. I'll go.

But I'm telling you... If there's a Philadelphia roll

on my titty, I'm eating that shit.

Marcus, set up the meeting.

And, you, after this, I'm taking you to a parking lot

to practice walking in high heels.

Mmm.

Now, that is a crispy skin.