Backrooms

Okay, okay, okay, okay...

Okay...

Yes... Yes...

Yes, yes, come on... Come on, yes! Yes, yes!

Okay. Okay. Okay.

Here we go, here we go.

Okay. Okay. Fuck.

Work. Work. Work.

Standard... Okay...

Standard, can you- can you hear me?

This is Naren.

And I've, um...

I've been separated, uh, from the others.

And I think I'm okay,

but I'm not sure where I, uh...

I've never been out this far before, so I don't...

Um...

There was this, uh...

I didn't get a good look at it, but there was, um...

there's something else in here.

I need you guys.

Okay? I need you guys to get me, please.

Fuck, I need you guys to come out and get me.

Can you... can you come, please, standard?

Standard?

Oh, fuck!

Fuck...

Fuck! Fuck...

Oh, shit... What the fuck?

What the fuck?

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck, fuck, fuck! Fuck!

We all have our loops, our habits...

...behaviors that keep us walking in circles...

...reaching for the same solutions

over and over again,

thinking each time they'll take you somewhere new.

But they don't.

And still,

it's the neural pathway of least resistance.

A path you made.

It's the one that kept you safe

when you were a child.

You learned to push people away

before they could hurt you.

And now,

as an adult,

you're still stuck right where you started.

Alone.

I mean, I'm not lonely.

I have employees and... customers.

I didn't say lonely. I said alone.

Yeah, well, I mean...

I hurt people.

I don't want to. It's just the way I'm wired.

So maybe I deserve to be alone.

Do you think anyone deserves to be alone?

I don't know, but, you know,

maybe it's not such a bad thing.

Being alone feels...

deeply ingrained.

I understand.

You've had dreams and a lot of resistance,

not a lot of support in realizing those dreams.

And when we've experienced...

hurt again and again,

we start to expect it.

It's like, "Oh, I know this path.

I know where it goes."

So...

are you interested in forging a new path

and see where that leads?

Sure. Why not? You know, I'm here.

Great.

So I want to revisit

an exercise we've done before.

The role play.

-Oh, the acting thing? -Yeah.

-I feel stupid doing that. -I know.

But we have a few minutes. Let's, um...

Yeah, let's try. A little bit.

All right.

Let's set the scene.

Let's go back to the night that Barbara left you.

You mean the night she kicked me out

of my own house?

Yeah.

I'm playing myself.

-And I'll be Barbara. -It is my house, by the way.

I'm the one paying for it.

-I know. -All right.

Okay, so, um...

I got home late. I don't know how late.

Uh... She was already asleep. Maybe midnight.

She usually goes to bed before... It doesn't matter.

The point is, I was in the kitchen, and, um...

the glass, I broke the glass,

and she comes running down to see what happened, and...

things escalated.

And how do you feel?

Well, I was...

I was drunk, and, um...

I-I felt stupid, you know.

I was angry, because... because I broke the glass.

Can you say that to me?

-Uh, what, to-to Barbara? -Yeah.

Um... I'm sorry that I woke you.

Maybe if you'd come home earlier,

we could have spent the evening together.

No, I was... I was working, you know?

I came straight home after work.

Be honest with me, please.

I can smell it on your breath.

I had a few beers.

Define a few.

Well, it was a hard day.

I needed to wind down.

All you ever do is wind down.

You're always at the store.

You want kids, right?

-We both do. -Well, you know...

having a family takes money,

which means someone has to work.

Unless being a professional student

is considered a job these days.

That's not fair. You know I had to take time off.

Well, it's not my fault if you can't keep up.

How are you going to be a lawyer

if you can't even handle law school?

Who do you think pays for everything

while you're gallivanting around campus

like a 30-year-old freshman?

I'll give you a hint: it's me.

I pay for your school, I pay for your time off school,

I pay for the roof over your head.

-Can I talk now? -No! No.

Because I'd like to know, what do you think happens

if you do manage to graduate?

You know, you pop out a kid, then leave me with the bill.

Or am I stuck at home changing diapers because

you're too busy working for the first time in your life?

-Now you're being cruel. -I'm being honest.

I thought that's what you always wanted.

Just because you didn't get to be an architect doesn't mean--

I am a fucking architect!

God damn it, I'm just stuck selling shit furniture because

someone won't get off their fat fucking ass and help me!

How do you feel, Clark?

Who am I talking to?

-Me, here, now. -You? Okay.

Um...

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, uh...

...you know, get angry

or lose my temper or whatever.

I know.

That's the purpose of the whole exercise.

This is a good start.

To feel what you feel,

and then learn to identify a new path.

Your reaction was actually quite normal.

Well, that's me!

Well, ahoy there, mateys!

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No way!

-Clark, you good? -Turn the camera off.

No, no, it's good. It's outtake stuff, dude.

-Turn the fucking camera off. -Okay... Jesus...

You, uh, you need help?

No, I got it, I got it.